personal crisis

[caughtnreleased]

Ok. So I have been doing a great deal of work on myself lately, and I feel things are shifting.  Yesterday however, I felt really low due to the situation with my mother (no contact).  I felt as though I have been disowned.  But I think what is really propagating this personal crisis right now is that I have been offered a REALLY huge opportunity.  It's major.  It would be a major life accomplishment, but it carries a great deal of risk.  I am afraid to take this risk. Very afraid.  I am afraid of failing - every failure I have racked up in my life has been rubbed in my face by my uBPD mother.  i am anxious.  My emotional state is currently making me unable to do the work to properly evaluate this opportunity for me to decide if it is the right time for me, and if I want to do it.  I have to make a decision soon, but I feel so completely blocked.  My uBPD parents are acting up, causing me a great deal of emotional turmoil, FOG so that I can't rationally think about anything. I become excited at the prospect of this opportunity, but I also question if I have the support in my life to do it.  I am really reaching a crisis point and I really don't know what to do.  My emotions are clouding my thoughts.  I'm completely blocked. Please help.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey c 'n r, It's true that pwBPD can cloud our thinking.  My suggestion is to listen to your gut feelings.  Maybe you will need to set aside some time to think quietly about the potential prospect, perhaps through meditation or a walk in the woods.  Don't be dictated by your fears.  Every path includes positive and negative aspects.  Think about what is right for you, not what is right for others.  Only you know if this is the right opportunity for you.  LuckyJim

[vortex of confusion]

I have found it helpful to journal when I get like that.

I have even resorted to writing out the pros and cons of doing or not doing something.

Is there a way that you can find some time to center yourself through prayer, meditation, quiet time, or whatever it is that usually helps you to get to a place where you can think again?

What kind of support do you think you will need in order to take this opportunity? Why does your parents behavior have anything to do with you being able to take this opportunity (or not)?

What kind of risk does it carry? What is the worst case scenario?

It might help to explore some of these questions for yourself. When I am in that crisis mode, it really helps me when somebody prods me with questions to think about. You don't have to answer here. For me, breaking things down into smaller steps and smaller pieces makes them a whole lot less overwhelming.