Help with contact please

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all

First of all i would like to say thanks to everyone who contributes here. Your posts have really helped me in the last 9 months since I was replaced with her co worker. I have not had any contact since then and am feeling a lot better than when this all began. However at times I still feel really hurt by the betrayal, lies and comparing myself with her, someone who I assume is in the honeymoon phase with her colleague who is "quiet, emotionally stunted, with few friends" but who "makes her feel Special when he opens up". I am still in shock that someone can act this selfishly, to the point of stealing money from me and claiming to everyone she had not cheated when it's clear she had been, at least emotionally for a long time.

But as I say, I have been doing better and concentrating on my life., and realize this has never been a healthy relationship. The only thing is we have many mutual friends who have decided to remain her friend for the sake of keeping the friendship group in tact. I am going to a wedding next week and she will be there and I'm dreading it. Does anyone have any tips? To be honest what I fear most is seeing her as she is physically attractive, and that part stings. Thanks in advance.! And good luck to you all

[Capo]

Hi all

First of all i would like to say thanks to everyone who contributes here. Your posts have really helped me in the last 9 months since I was replaced with her co worker. I have not had any contact since then and am feeling a lot better than when this all began. However at times I still feel really hurt by the betrayal, lies and comparing myself with her, someone who I assume is in the honeymoon phase with her colleague who is "quiet, emotionally stunted, with few friends" but who "makes her feel Special when he opens up". I am still in shock that someone can act this selfishly, to the point of stealing money from me and claiming to everyone she had not cheated when it's clear she had been, at least emotionally for a long time.

But as I say, I have been doing better and concentrating on my life., and realize this has never been a healthy relationship. The only thing is we have many mutual friends who have decided to remain her friend for the sake of keeping the friendship group in tact. I am going to a wedding next week and she will be there and I'm dreading it. Does anyone have any tips? To be honest what I fear most is seeing her as she is physically attractive, and that part stings. Thanks in advance.! And good luck to you all

[enlighten me]

It will be painful and you will be triggered. My only advice is keep your chin up. Smile dont engage her and dont drink too much. The last thing you want to do is make a drunken scene in front of your friends.

By showing her youve moved on and are a happy and confident person you may trigger her.

Let her be the one to make a scene and even if she doesnt she will probably vent at your replacement which will confuse him as you wont have done anything to warrant it.

Enjoy the day as much as you can and try not to let her rule it.

[apollotech]

Not joking here, bring a date and watch her, your ex, squirm. I would bring a date and just dote all over her (this can even be just a really close friend). Whatever you do, do not show her, your ex, any emotion, that includes anger, as emotions equate a still existing attachment.

She is the one that lost out my friend; your attitude and body language should express that without being in her face. Confidence speaks volumes!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My immediate thought was the same as apollotech:  take a date,  a really hot date!   Or a really fun date... .prob even better than just hot... .someone whose company you genuinely like so you can ENJOY yourself and have FUN.   Any options for a fun date?

Otherwise,  it might be good to do some (or a lot!) of EFT Tapping (emotional freedom technique)  btwn now and then.   It is simple,  cheap and effective.   You can find all kinds of free videos on YouTube.   I like Brad Yates and Rob Gorick.  This may feel hokey but please try them.   I've been doing it lately and it is helping.  Here is a link:  www.tap-easy.com/eft-tapping-love-relationship-script-videos/

Good luck!   You can do this

[brokenbyothers]

Bring someone fun to be with! It will probably be a better night for you then bringing someone who only has looks to offer. My exudBPD once told me, "If you cheat on me, make sure she's better looking than me". Her words make sense to me as I know and knew then she hated herself, even though she is very attractive physically... .They don't think like us... .So IMO bring a date/friend you know you will have FUN with, she doesn't have to be hot, just someone who may know your situation and when your date sees you looking at your ex, your date will grab your hand and drag you to the dance floor! Chances are your ex will be watching your every move, or act like you don't exist, but she will be watching you, out of the corner of her eye. they cant let go. Have a fun date/ time... .Most of all don't get too drunk and approach your ex! Bring a fun date , who will keep you busy, and your night will be... .the best it can

[Menifee]

my wonderful boyfriend, divorced from a BPD, asked his kids if they would meet me. This is three years after the divorce. The kids (aged 20 and 14) said 'no'. I've tried to tell my boyfriend about parental alienation and more. But he just would listen to me. I'm in tears. I know that his kids mean everything to him and this is most likely the end of our relationship. I love him so much. What do I do?

[Capo]

Thanks for the advice. I'm more concerned about not jeopardizing my own healing rather than triggering her but I appreciate the tips! wish me luck

[brokenbyothers]

just remember SHE can NEVER be the type of woman you deserve! Go to the wedding to celebrate with your friends. I'm sure if they know you, they know something's wrong with her. best of luck