Did anybody leave by literally escaping?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I feel like walking out of my house one day and never coming back. I have escape fantasies all the time, for example:

1) I move into a downtown loft, fully decorated, where I can relax in peace and heal while I file for divorce and wait out the process ( I am not rich so this is not going to happen)

or

2) I camp out in my 4 runner every night at a different camp site ( note that I don't camp or even like it)

or

3) One of my nice friends takes me into their home and literally takes care of me like a child of their own, preparing meals and lots of good conversation every night to comfort me ( I have nice friends but none that would likely do this or for those that would, I might not want to be in their living situation).

or

4) A rich person takes pity on me and sends me to Hawaii to wait out the duration.

or

5) I ask my the mother of my daughter ( wife #1) to move in with her or put me up in one of her rentals in Miami. (This fantasy by far is the most way out).

You can see that I have about lost my mind!

[michel71]

I feel like walking out of my house one day and never coming back. I have escape fantasies all the time, for example:

1) I move into a downtown loft, fully decorated, where I can relax in peace and heal while I file for divorce and wait out the process ( I am not rich so this is not going to happen)

or

2) I camp out in my 4 runner every night at a different camp site ( note that I don't camp or even like it)

or

3) One of my nice friends takes me into their home and literally takes care of me like a child of their own, preparing meals and lots of good conversation every night to comfort me ( I have nice friends but none that would likely do this or for those that would, I might not want to be in their living situation).

or

4) A rich person takes pity on me and sends me to Hawaii to wait out the duration.

or

5) I ask my the mother of my daughter ( wife #1) to move in with her or put me up in one of her rentals in Miami. (This fantasy by far is the most way out).

You can see that I have about lost my mind!

[zundertowz]

I had escaping fantasies the last year of a 3 year live in relationship... .I stayed for financial reasons mostly also... .I was kicked out for the 3rd time in 6 months and never looked back, pretty sure I could have taken all the blame and went back... .took a friend up on the offer to move in with them while I can get back on my feet... .I wish I took them up on this offer without being kicked out again and ended it on my own terms... .even tho I wanted to leave and im happy with n/c theres still alot of grief and withdrawel... .you just dont move on.

[DyingLove]

I feel like walking out of my house one day and never coming back. I have escape fantasies all the time, for example:

1) I move into a downtown loft, fully decorated, where I can relax in peace and heal while I file for divorce and wait out the process ( I am not rich so this is not going to happen)

or

2) I camp out in my 4 runner every night at a different camp site ( note that I don't camp or even like it)

or

3) One of my nice friends takes me into their home and literally takes care of me like a child of their own, preparing meals and lots of good conversation every night to comfort me ( I have nice friends but none that would likely do this or for those that would, I might not want to be in their living situation).

or

4) A rich person takes pity on me and sends me to Hawaii to wait out the duration.

or

5) I ask my the mother of my daughter ( wife #1) to move in with her or put me up in one of her rentals in Miami. (This fantasy by far is the most way out).

You can see that I have about lost my mind!

I escaped.  It was the only way.  I was in Fl. I had no where to go but back to NY where I came from.  In feb when we broke up the weather in the north was atrocious. My ex's attitude was also atrocious.  I got the shakes when she came home at night, she was a different person and I felt like the crap she treated me like.  I didn't know exactly when I was going to leave, but I knew that I didn't want her around when I did finally get out of there.  I ended up leaving nearly 2 months later, I was still under the same roof which was killing me.  Broke up 2/8 left 3/19. I hadn't seen her since 3/15, she said she hated coming home and just two days earlier went to disney world with her kid. You heard me right.  So, I had rescuers come from NY and extract me.  I kid you not.  I was broke, sick, and stripped of all the dignity that this relationship could strip me of.  It's not that I wanted to leave that way, it's just how you do it when you are escaping prison.

If it weren't for online friends and some friends back home (NY) I wouldn't have been able to do it... .yep, they gave me money.  I felt like a real s**t, but I was told by some:  If a friend was in a similar predicament would I help them? I said yes. Would you think any less of them?  I said no.  So people helped and I lowered my ego and accepted.  I will pay it forward for sure.

[blissful_camper]

I guess I sorta did. He was out of state for a couple of weeks and I decided to make a run for it while he was away. I moved 500+ miles away.

[letmeout]

I had escape fantasies for a long time before I had no choice but to leave everything behind and make a run for it. I never looked back.

The ex became really crazy, acted completely delusional, and raged the most crazy talk I've ever heard. It caused me to seriously fear for my life. I think if I had stayed longer I would have left in a body bag. 

Don't wait until you can't take it anymore, by then it may be too late.

[valet]

I definitely had the same fantasies as a lot of others here.

The night that my ex broke up with me we went to the movies and all I wanted to do while watching was say I was going to the bathroom, at which point I would just walk out of the door and never come back.

Yikes. I didn't do it because of the obligation and guilt that I would have felt. She was quite depressed then and I felt that if I left her something terrible could happen.

[Leaving]

Hahahaha!  Yes indeed.  I've spent years having those fantasies. I have had the same repeating dream several times where I discover that there is a beautiful huge apartment/wing attached to my house that I forgot about and I get so excited because I have a place of my own that is separate from my husband.  When I open the door to it, it's full of sunlight and illuminated in every corner. All the colors are beautiful calming light greens and ivories and blues and the carpet is ivory.  There's a beautiful fireplace and stockings are hung with the names of my dogs.  It's the most beautiful place and I feel warm and safe. 

[Leaving]

I

The ex became really crazy, acted completely delusional, and raged the most crazy talk I've ever heard. It caused me to seriously fear for my life. I think if I had stayed longer I would have left in a body bag. 

That is horrible and exactly what I went through last summer and fall with my husband on a daily basis. I was terrified and I had to seek professional help from the police and therapists and I had to move into a hotel.  Some of the stories he made up in his head to justify abusing me were truly insane and had zero basis in reality.  Like him telling me that a woman who worked at the same company I did (ten years before I met my husband ) hated me and took him to lunch one day to warn him about me.  I didn't even know the woman and never talked to her and my husband didn't know her and he didn't know me! How did he manage to pull her name out of his head?  WEIRD!  I felt like I was going to go crazy because I couldn't imagine how he could fabricate such extravagant lies and look me in the eye and expect me to believe them. I knew then how truly sick he was and like you, I was terrified and felt I was in danger.  His eyes get glassy and his face has such a tense evil look to it.  My husband is delusional most of the time, raging or not, which makes it very difficult to communicate with him- actually impossible- because I never know who I'm talking to or who is listening. He's not aware of what he's doing most of the time.  The other day he washed his hands in the sink and left watery mud splattered all over the walls, mirror, floor and sink basin and the bar of soap was tossed to the side and left covered in mud.  Yesterday he accused me of making the mess and demanded I clean it up. His comment stunned me and I just stood there thinking, ' Oh my G-d, not again'  and he began yelling, ' What? Why are you looking at me that way? I didn't do this, you did this!  I never wash my hands with soap, I never wash my hands in the sink!"  I didn't say a word.  I didn't even try to reason with him.  I picked up the cloth and began cleaning.  He grabbed the cloth out of my hand in a fury and told me that he would clean it up and to forget it.  He never apologized, never admitted that he did it. 

Oh how I wish I could get out of here.  Despite the horrors, I'm much stronger than I was last year and I know how to handle these episodes without losing my mind or my temper but I don't want to live this way.  No one should live this way.

[DyingLove]

She did her best at the time of breakup to discard me, discredit me, make it look like I never existed and that I was a burden, a POS to her, someone that she just couldn't be bothered with not one iota AFTER 4 YEARS!  AND stupid me does feel partially crappy for doing it the way I did, but if she didn't give a crap, why should I. 

So someone says:  I'm gonna kill you!  But you have a choice,  I can either stab you over and over until you die a horrific death OR, because I'm a good person and your friend, I can shoot you in the head and make it fast, but don't thank me.  How about, you are killing me one way or another and you are NOT my friend!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey michel71, You crack me up with these great escape fantasies.     When I was in your situation, I had a fantasy about going to prison, where my BPDxW couldn't bother me!  Sad to say, prison seemed like a better alternative at that time to my marriage.

Nevertheless, I don't underestimate what you are going through.  I find these fantasies a healthy reaction to an impossible situation and encourage you to think more about finding the right path for yourself, which doesn't necessarily mean camping out in your 4 Runner (I don't enjoy camping, either!).

LuckyJim

[clydegriffith]

Luckily for me, her hometown is 6 hours away from me. When all hell broke loose and she burned all her bridges here she had no choice but to leave as she didn't have anyone here. I don't know what i would have done with that woman still around here because when she was i was in constant fear of her doing something. Glad those days are long gone.

[GaGrl]

When DH and I married, he sold his house to his ex (uNPD/BPD); it was where they had reared their family, and it was larger than her house.  His adult daughter and grandaughter were living with him at the time, and he was moving 100 miles to my house.

First, his daughter said, ":)ad, you are NOT leaving me in this house with Mother."

Then, they waited until Ex was on a visit to her family in Thailand -- so we're talking THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD -- before packing and leaving the house.  Even though DH and his ex had not lived together in 14 years, when it started to dawn on her that he was really leaving and would not be at her disposal, almost literally around the corner, she had a couple of bad episodes.

All went well, and apparently she kept her freakout to herself about the daughter/grandaughter not being there when she came home.

[Ripped Heart]

In a sense I did too. There was a twisted pattern going on with my exN/BPDw that in truth I was also responsible for. The pattern went as such:

1) Things would be really great for a short period, no abuse and everything felt relaxed.

2) ExN/BPDw would attempt to create an argument, belittling and abusive

3) When things didn't go her way, I would be kicked out of the house without any of my things, no money, no passport (she had control of all of those things) and I'm the other side of the world.

4) I would beg and plead (despite not being at fault) and accepting responsibility for everything she threw at me

5) Conditions were then set that pretty much made me feel like a prisoner. Things such as if I left the house, I had to explain where I was going, how long I would be gone, when I would be back (even for a 5 minute trip to the store) I would have to give a list of all my actions for the day because if I did something not written down, we went back to point 2)

6) Any conversations with my family I had to explain everything that was talked about. I couldn't leave anything out because my phone calls were listened to and any event of leaving anything out resulted in point 2) because I must be hiding something.

This was the pattern and cycle for 2 years and my responsibility is that I kept going back to it. The funny thing in all of this and why I kept going through this cycle is that I honestly believed my exN/BPDw was the victim. I honestly felt at times like I was the bad person to make her feel the way she did.

She found a replacement and hit me with an overnight divorce. I don't know whether she was testing me to see how much of a fight I would give but I saw that as my opportunity to "escape" and the following morning once all the paperwork was signed, I left and never looked back. From the texts and emails I got at the airport, I know she wasn't expecting that but the amount of relief that came over me as I sat in the departure lounge I will always remember and it keeps me grounded.

The twisted irony in one of her messages to me was she was so upset that I didn't go wake her up to say goodbye before I left. Part of that is because I didn't want the trouble and the other part was that given how fragile I was at the time, had I done that I probably would have begged and pleaded and that's exactly what she wanted. So yes, I guess I did leave by "escaping"

[Hannibal Heyes]

I have last Saturday. It's not something I feel proud of,  but I felt I needed to so. Sometimes you  have to choose to door so. But  it is painful.  The one thing you  promised not to do is to  leave.  Thanks for sharing. .

[gsm42]

I really appreciate this discussion, as it reminds me to stick to my guns and not return.

I fortunately have escaped, but will have my weak moments, missing him.  But I need to remember that I shouldn't be with someone who I can't trust, period.

We all deserve our independence and freedom.  If I run back to him, or let him reel me in during a weak moment,  I would be creating my own, inescapable jail.

Thanks for sharing, everyone.  It helps me big time!

[letmeout]

It was like living in a Freddie Kruger nightmare, Leaving.

When I went to abuse counseling, the counselors warned me that when an unstable spouse is talking and acting that crazy, they are not in reality.

Sometimes it does happen that they can snap and kill you without realizing what they are doing. When faced with the possibility of death, it makes it a lot easier to run!

Yes, your financial standard of living will go down, but being able sleep at night knowing that you are safe is priceless.

When mine got to the point where he would wake me up at all hours just to rage in my face, I knew it was time to run.

[smrk871345]

Thank you for posting this with such honesty. I should write a post like this because I think about it often myself, mostly in the same terms that you've stated. My fantasies right now are that I would win the lottery, pay off my debt and buy my own place in the city. I'd allow myself to do nothing but settle in for a while, rest and heal, take care of myself and just learn how to be. Then when I'm comfortable, I'd work on getting a job so I can live normal and learn how to have some professional success.

My parents keep giving me deadlines for moving out. Now it's August 1st. They keep reminding me that if I'm not out by August 1st, they will move all my stuff into storage and I'd "come home to a pillow." What they don't respect is that I'd be "coming home" from a full-time job, a retail job that just doesn't pay very much. Where would I go? They don't care anymore. They just want me out. But my uBPD mother thinks that I will find a place and magically pay for it on a retail salary, she will help me and we can stay friends. That's her fantasy.

I've been playing the lottery and asking God to help me leave on my own terms. My fantasy is that they would go away for a weekend and come home to my empty room with nothing but my phone on the bed. They'd have the storage space they keep crying for, and the privacy, but then they will no longer have me. My NC letter is already written.

[DazedButNotConfused]

I escaped. The police had the ambulance come to take my dBPDh for a psych evaluation and, when I found out they were releasing him 7 hours later, I left. Do I miss him? No. I do miss my animals and house and I had to give up my business which I had for over 11 years. But no one yells at me, no one hits me, no one breaks my stuff ... .And WOW! I don't ever have to worry about what is waiting for me on the other side of the door.

[DyingLove]

I escaped. The police had the ambulance come to take my dBPDh for a psych evaluation and, when I found out they were releasing him 7 hours later, I left. Do I miss him? No. I do miss my animals and house and I had to give up my business which I had for over 11 years. But no one yells at me, no one hits me, no one breaks my stuff ... .And WOW! I don't ever have to worry about what is waiting for me on the other side of the door.

Wow.  Sorry you went thru that stuff.  Sounds wicked!  No one should be abused though, not a lot, not a little, not at all!  So good for you getting out of there.  I hope you find peace and happiness. 

[Leaving]

It was like living in a Freddie Kruger nightmare, Leaving.

When I went to abuse counseling, the counselors warned me that when an unstable spouse is talking and acting that crazy, they are not in reality.

Sometimes it does happen that they can snap and kill you without realizing what they are doing. When faced with the possibility of death, it makes it a lot easier to run!

Yes, your financial standard of living will go down, but being able sleep at night knowing that you are safe is priceless.

When mine got to the point where he would wake me up at all hours just to rage in my face, I knew it was time to run.

The most confusing and challenging part of dealing with my husband is reminding myself that he could possibly accidentally kill me.  He's done things that have injured me but he always makes it look like an accident.  Like one time he 'accidentally' swung a large heavy tree branch at me and smashed my shins, knocked me over and I was screaming in pain.  He just stood there looking at me with his glassy eyes and that evil face.  It wasn't until a neighbor came running to help that my husband began acting like he cared and I made him get away from me.   My legs were black and blue for two weeks and I still have a large permanent knot on one of my shins and he has never said he was sorry. 

He accidentally poisoned one of my dogs and I in our car by spilling a large quantity of a very toxic commercial pesticide ( he's an arborist/tree doctor) in the back of our car.  My dog died after a long struggle with respiratory burns and I had to be treated at the hospital.  He never acknowledged the medical bills or what happened to us. 

But even worse, I contacted my NPD/BPD mother last fall in a state of desperation and fear and I told her everything and I even told her that I had a journal in my computer should something happen to me.  My mother doesn't even care.  She tries to blame me for causing him to abuse me.  She makes excuses for him and tells me that I need to be more positive and listen to Joel Osteen sermons. She's as freaking nuts and as dangerous as my husband and I mean that literally. 

Anytime I watch one of those 20/20 stories on TV about missing wives, I get so angry because every one in the woman's life was in complete denial- her parents, coworkers, neighbors, etc... .and yet there was evidence upon evidence that her husband was harming her and was dangerous.   

I'm working on getting out of here very carefully but I don't even have a financial standard of living at the moment.  I'm scrounging money to repair two broken teeth before I leave.  Oh and my husband did something to the electronics in my car last week and now none of the electrical stuff works properly and I have to get that fixed. 

[letmeout]

Yikes! If he wasn't sorry for killing your dog then he will not be sorry for killing you.

Do you have a women's shelter to go to? They will help you get back on your feet after you escape your monster.

[Leaving]

Yikes! If he wasn't sorry for killing your dog then he will not be sorry for killing you.

Do you have a women's shelter to go to? They will help you get back on your feet after you escape your monster.

Yes, There's a wonderful women's shelter not too far from me that has been working with me.  I have a counselor there.  They are aware of everything. At the time I needed to stay at the shelter last summer/fall ( when my husband was psychotic)  they didn't have an opening so I found a motel to live in.  It's a family owned place and they cut me a good deal in exchange for helping them and cleaning my own room.  I don't stay there every day but when I know my husband is going to be around for any length of time, I do.

You're right that he doesn't care about killing anything and that's because he splits and detaches from that part of him that does horrible things.  He doesn't even remember what he does.  He's just like my mother. 

I hate being around people like them because it's like being around someone possessed by another being.   I have no idea who they are. 

I found a bunch of receipts this morning that my husband tried to hide.  He spent over 40 dollars on Oreo cookies and Mt. Dew Voltage drinks.  He's an addict and those are his legal speed fixes. Aside from the sugar addiction, what's so truly bizarre is that he is obsessed with the health guru David Avocado Wolfe and is constantly preaching to me about being healthy and eating healthy raw foods and being vegetarian.  I've been a healthy vegetarian and health guru for most of my adult life and I grow, harvest, can and dry and cook most of my food.  But he preaches to me?  I stand there looking at him and wondering who the heck he is. When I confront him about how bizarre his behavior is relative to what he preaches,  he says that he never said anything about healthy or a vegetarian.   He is the vegetarian that won't eat vegetables and he's the health nut that spends his money on oreos and Mt Dew, the two most unhealthy foods on earth.   We own a business and he arrogantly preaches to his customers and other businesses about being environmentally conscious and boasts about how he is using organic this and that, blah blah blah and yet, he does the most heinous things to the environment and when I've confronted him, he claims that he never said he was an eco-friendly person.

He is truly two entirely different opposing people.  That's the most frightening and dangerous aspect of knowing him.