I need clarification

[nerdvana]

I have been in this relationship for 5 years. I fell madly in love with my partner and he was a dream guy. He told me he had waited for me his whole life and showered me with gifts and flowers. Oh he swept me right off my feet (I feel silly about that now). He was with me every step of the way when a close loved one died. He took care of my family and me the best he was able. After 2 years he started withholding sex/affection and pouting because I was not truly free from my past.  So I made every effort to please him, even though I felt he was placing demands on me that I was unable to attain. None the less I did it and I was so happy ;-) until dun dun dun , as soon as I got free he dumped me! I was in a bad place and I sulked for months then he appeared again full of remorse and love for me. I fell right back in but this time it was different. He kept telling me he had resentments that he could not shake and I actually believed it was true. In retrospect I had done nothing but actually love him.

He was in foster care from the age of 10 to 18 and I truly think he is incapable of having a true relationship. Well he did it again and this time he told me I was selfish and a bully because I asked for sex! We had sex 4 times in 6 months! He dumped me as we were going on a trip that I wanted to take. He said he only agreed to go because he was being a nice guy. So I left, this time I had no issues then BAM he texts me and asks me to go to lunch. I declined but deep inside I want to see him. He is not bad, I feel for him, I love him but he will never be happy nor will he seek help. He would rather sit alone, drink and blame me. When I was there he was happy but when I had to leave he would pout and sit alone over thinking me and eventually reach these wild conclusions.

I am writing all of this because I need to be free and this helps me. I have read and read about BPD and he is a classic case. I am a caregiver and want to fix him (LOL) but I know better. I want to choke his parents for destroying an otherwise beautiful human. Again, this is his issue to fix. This relationship was a roller coaster and all I wanted was a best friend, lover and partner.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Nerdvana, 

Welcome aboard.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand what it feels like to be on the roller coaster of emotions and all you want to do is be someone's lover, best friend, and partner.  It is very frustrating and painful.   

It is good to recognize your caretaker traits and understand that you cannot fix your person with BPD's (pwBPD) behavior. It can be hard to radically accept that his behavior is something that you cannot fix, but only he can.

Sharing your story does help work through feelings and emotions. What do you feel that you need to be free from?

[nerdvana]

So I wrote what I wrote but there is always this thread there. I have been chasing the dragon for so long and he keeps dangling the junk. I need to hit an NA meeting and stay strong 

He wrote me as I was typing this last night telling me how guilty he feels. I never replied nor asked why because I know it would be something totally unrelated to the reality of this situation. Am I on the right thread? LOL I will let you know when I do.