She had another rage last night..

[Silveron]

The past two weeks I thought things were good, she wasn't yelling, name calling or any of the other stuff she would do.  I wondered why, but did not dare to ask.  I didn't want her to go back to that dark place.  Monday she went to the dr. she told me at the time it was just a reg. checkup for her meds.

Last night, she got home and went straight to the bedroom.  Two hours later around 7pm, I asked her from downstairs when she was coming down, our daughter needed to eat, get homework done and the rest of the nightly routine.  I didn't know what she was doing upstairs.  She came down in a complete rage, yelling and verbally abusing me on how I am 'controlling' her and that she was 'sleeping'.  My daughter ended up taking a video of her and sending it to my wife's mother.  That enraged her even more.  I was able to calm her and she admitted she went to the drs. because she was having bad thoughts, that she was thinking what she could use around the house to end things for herself.  They put her on a new med, but she won't goto counseling.  She states that she has to remind herself that it's just a temporary crisis and killing herself is a permanant solution.

I'm removing my gun today and taking it over to my parents.  She admits she internalizes a lot.  She's been through a horrific childhood and like she said it's all accumulated.  For the next 3 hours last night she went from talking to me about her anxieties and problems at work, to bashing me again verbally.  She mentions her anxiety gets so bad that it's like feeling the heartbeat of a caught wild animal, that it's something she can't control.  I don't know what I can do for her, I can't force her to get help.  I don't believe she is a danger to my daughter but I could see her being a danger to herself in one of her impulsive moments.  Any advice?

[Lucky Jim]

I don't know what I can do for her, I can't force her to get help.  I don't believe she is a danger to my daughter but I could see her being a danger to herself in one of her impulsive moments.

Hey Silveron, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through.  I have been in your shoes, my friend, and understand how frustrating and frightening it is when one's BPD spouse is in a rage.  Remember: you didn't cause your W to get BPD and likewise you can't cure it.  No, you can't force her to get help.  What you can do is focus on the things within your control, such as removing your gun.  Perhaps you can talk to your D about her feelings?  Or arrange for her to see a T?  I suspect she is fearful if she sent a video of your W to your mother-in-law.

Like your W, my BPDxW threatened suicide many times, which I view as the ultimate manipulation.  I went to the local hospital twice to meet w/staff in the behavioral health unit because I was so worried and didn't know what to do.  The hardest part for me was that, even though I was 99% sure that my X was just crying wolf, I had anxiety about that 1%, thinking that maybe this time she was going to carry through w/her threats.  The stress can be enormous, I understand.

Have more to say but think you have enough on your plate.

Keep us posted!  LuckyJim

[Silveron]

Thanks for the reply.  Over a year ago we got to see a psychologist because I saw her internet search history on her phone was about suicide.  She quit about a month later, the therapist telling me she needs years of therapy.

She keeps saying that she's in a bad place and that she thinks she can figure it out on her own and just needs space.  Thing is, I have encouraged her to see a therapist, telling her maybe they could help you cope with what is going on.  She said she would be labelled.  I was about to tell her that she's been trying to self-help approach for years but it's only gotten worse.

I have talked to my daughter but she's only 7 and doesn't fully understand.  I can see the anxiety built up in her as well, she has constant bowel issues and I know it's due to this.  I don't know if I could call the police next time she talks about suicide?  I know if I do, she will bolt and would probably end up in a much worse mental state than she is now.  It's just awful that I have to wait until she does something for something to get done.  None of her friends know she's going through this.  I've talked to her mom a number of times in the past about this but she's not very proactive with any of this.  All she says is 'Ill pray for you both'.

As a child she's been abused, raped, sexually hit on (by her step-father), lost a baby during birth (before I met her).  Her father has been emotionally distant from her his whole life but since he's had his stroke last year, her step-mom is not there for him and pushing a lot of the responsibility onto my wife.  Between that and her job she says she no longer has any peace that all of this has ripped it away from her.

I don't want my wife to die, my daughter and me need her.  There has to be something I can do... .