Any advice on NC

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Next Thursday, I plan to go NC with my exBPD bf, as until then theirs not much point as its our daughters birthday Wednesday and we're having a lil party then. My daughter is living with my parents at the moment while i receive intensive therapy for my own issues, this was a mutual agreement for everyone and not something i want to share more here but basically if he wants to see her which he doesn't much anyway and he knows he can go through his mum/my mum so i don't have any form of contact. I have said soo many times in the past that i will break contact with him but have never followed through but now I've come to the point where i feel nothing for him and i desperately want to move on, i'm sick of going round in circles, he brings nothing to my life apart from mind games, manipulation and control so i need to get rid.

Aswell in order for me to have a good shot in therapy as this is my only chance and to get better i need to do this. Its like being on antibiotics but taking alcohol at the same time, antibiotics being the therapy and him being the alcohol, as we all know that doesn't work very well and doesn't cure the infection or whatever it is. I'm thinking do I slip away quietly or do i make a scene of 'I'm sorry we cant be in contact anymore', but i've done the second one so many times and it doesn't work, do i go gradually, its not like we speak everyday now anyway, hes in his 'on the prowl for new supply stage'. he thinks of us as really good friends and gives the whole soppy speech of 'I'm the mother of his daughter'. its like hes got me on a fishing rod and he can reel me in when he wants and then throws me out for bait when he wants, now is the time to put a stop to it. Enough is enough. Luckily our daughter is only 2 and i would like to get to a point one day when i eventually heal where my daughter can see us as mutual parents that can do things together with her but right now, i cant.

So has anybody got advice on how to get through this? Nothing has worked so far whatever i do.

[Climbmountains91]

Next Thursday, I plan to go NC with my exBPD bf, as until then theirs not much point as its our daughters birthday Wednesday and we're having a lil party then. My daughter is living with my parents at the moment while i receive intensive therapy for my own issues, this was a mutual agreement for everyone and not something i want to share more here but basically if he wants to see her which he doesn't much anyway and he knows he can go through his mum/my mum so i don't have any form of contact. I have said soo many times in the past that i will break contact with him but have never followed through but now I've come to the point where i feel nothing for him and i desperately want to move on, i'm sick of going round in circles, he brings nothing to my life apart from mind games, manipulation and control so i need to get rid.

Aswell in order for me to have a good shot in therapy as this is my only chance and to get better i need to do this. Its like being on antibiotics but taking alcohol at the same time, antibiotics being the therapy and him being the alcohol, as we all know that doesn't work very well and doesn't cure the infection or whatever it is. I'm thinking do I slip away quietly or do i make a scene of 'I'm sorry we cant be in contact anymore', but i've done the second one so many times and it doesn't work, do i go gradually, its not like we speak everyday now anyway, hes in his 'on the prowl for new supply stage'. he thinks of us as really good friends and gives the whole soppy speech of 'I'm the mother of his daughter'. its like hes got me on a fishing rod and he can reel me in when he wants and then throws me out for bait when he wants, now is the time to put a stop to it. Enough is enough. Luckily our daughter is only 2 and i would like to get to a point one day when i eventually heal where my daughter can see us as mutual parents that can do things together with her but right now, i cant.

So has anybody got advice on how to get through this? Nothing has worked so far whatever i do.

[DyingLove]

Like the sneaker commercial:  JUST DO IT!

Take it one day at a time, but tell yourself you are going to do it and stick to it.  I won't lie (no one here will), it's not easy at first, but believe me, it gets better and sometimes it's the only way to go. I've gotten the bug to break N/C, but the help of everyone here and everyone in my life has kept me on course.  This place is a Godsend.  You gotta stick with the N/C, and believe me, you can do it.  Just make up your mind.  :-)

[Suzn]

I'm thinking do I slip away quietly or do i make a scene of 'I'm sorry we cant be in contact anymore

Either of these can trigger fears of abandonment. Especially the latter. Actually, this can trigger fears of abandonment in you both. Have you heard of Controlled Contact? (Especially since you have a daughter with your ex)

This essentially puts you in control of any contact.  

If he calls a lot you can say things such as "I have 5 (or 10 or 20, whatever you are comfortable with) minutes to talk. Then when you end the call you can say "I can talk again on Tuesday" or whatever day you chose. This draws out the time between calls, he knows you will be available at the time you say you will be (be available for the time you chose). This can ease both of you away from excess contact.

You may want to check out the co-parenting board also since you have a child together here: Co-parenting after the Split

There will likely be contact of some sort throughout her childhood.

 

[Aussie0zborn]

You need to know exactly why you're doing it. And don't forget it.