Did your BPDx really believe you Loved Them?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I spent 18 years trying to prove to my husband that I loved him. Whatever I did was never enough. One of the main reasons we are now separating is because he says he has never felt loved by me. This is one of his main reasons anyway. Early on in our relationship he asked me to have his name on a tattoo ( I hate  tattoos ) just to try and prove how much I loved him. Stupidly I did. . But no, he never believed  that I loved him. Apparently  I was only in it for the money/ lifestyle/holidays/easy life ? It's sad really.

[spottydog]

I spent 18 years trying to prove to my husband that I loved him. Whatever I did was never enough. One of the main reasons we are now separating is because he says he has never felt loved by me. This is one of his main reasons anyway. Early on in our relationship he asked me to have his name on a tattoo ( I hate  tattoos ) just to try and prove how much I loved him. Stupidly I did. . But no, he never believed  that I loved him. Apparently  I was only in it for the money/ lifestyle/holidays/easy life ? It's sad really.

[landj]

I'm 3 weeks out of a 2 year (with 1or 2 one month recycles)relationship.The last contact from her was to tell me that losing me (she left me) brought her to the highest level of pain she has ever experienced and that has  allowed her to grieve her father's death 20 years ago and finally allowed her to be healed. I think I have been replaced but have asked people not to tell me what they read on FB. She thanked me for showing her such a deep love and told me to move forward knowing she "loves me unconditionally". She posted that she is happier than she's ever been in her life. I wanted to work things through but have decided to let her pursue her happiness. Seems easy for her but it isn't for me. I truly miss her and her kids and I am trying to believe that I want her to live happily, even if it is with someone else, and know that I will get there in time. So I guess the answer to the question is yes, she believed I loved her.

[goateeki]

The last contact from her was to tell me that losing me (she left me) brought her to the highest level of pain she has ever experienced and that has  allowed her to grieve her father's death 20 years ago and finally allowed her to be healed... .She thanked me for showing her such a deep love and told me to move forward knowing she "loves me unconditionally". So I guess the answer to the question is yes, she believed I loved her.

My suggestion is that you not believe any of this stuff.  She's keeping you on simmer in case she wants you back.  Second, consider seriously whether all that you describe here is the sort of thing that we ought to encounter in a love relationship.  My view is that it's not.

[whirlpoollife]

Xh would tell  me to tell him that I loved him.  Or " tell me you're mine"

So when I did , to appease him, it just fed his narcist mind.

If he felt I loved him, then he would have had empathy.

How can they feel love when they are incapable of giving it?

[dagwoodbowser]

I spent 18 years trying to prove to my husband that I loved him. Whatever I did was never enough. One of the main reasons we are now separating is because he says he has never felt loved by me. This is one of his main reasons anyway. Early on in our relationship he asked me to have his name on a tattoo ( I hate  tattoos ) just to try and prove how much I loved him.

spotty: Ouch! So what you going to do about tatt?

Xh would tell  me to tell him that I loved him.  Or " tell me you're mine"

So when I did , to appease him, it just fed his narcist mind.

If he felt I loved him, then he would have had empathy.

How can they feel love when they are incapable of giving it?

whirlpool: They give it when they feel like it... .usually with a condition

[JayApril]

Yes, he knew that I did love him. But, he could not understand why. I believe the concept of love itself confused him. He had never been shown what love was or, what it feels like to be loved. The only thing he knew was abondoment, and pain. So dealing with that along with low self worth. (meaning not being able to find something good about himself)... .Therefore made it impossible for him to get why I loved him.

Dispite me not loving him now,because I discovered  his true self and realized he was not a whole person. Ii am more than sure he knew I loved him then.