After 9 months of NC, she sent me a text today.

[Depression = 72% of members]

It never ends, does it? It was just a short text thanking me for something I did a long time ago. In reality I'm assuming she needs money, wants to string me along some more, or she recently got dumped by whatever number guy she replaced me with. Either way, I'm not replying. I have slowly, surely, and painfully finally moved on with my life and I just have nothing to say to her. Over the last few months I have FINALLY started to feel at peace with this nightmare and I like the person I am today. Dealing with her and her problems again is just not in the cards for me. I'm done with her and you have no idea how good it feels to say that!

[mks10]

It never ends, does it? It was just a short text thanking me for something I did a long time ago. In reality I'm assuming she needs money, wants to string me along some more, or she recently got dumped by whatever number guy she replaced me with. Either way, I'm not replying. I have slowly, surely, and painfully finally moved on with my life and I just have nothing to say to her. Over the last few months I have FINALLY started to feel at peace with this nightmare and I like the person I am today. Dealing with her and her problems again is just not in the cards for me. I'm done with her and you have no idea how good it feels to say that!

[nickoftime]

That is great news and I can tell you're at peace and this is truly behind you. In this past month I too reached the finish line. I described it as freedom in a recent post. It doesn't hurt anymore and I can honestly say I don't need nor want that phone call from the ex. I don't need to have that conversation. I somehow found closure on my own.  Anyway cheers to you man and your happiness!

[Achaya]

Congratulations to you both on having won your freedom! Thanks for sharing successes from down the line in the recovery process. I am only 5 weeks post breakup, and I am recovering, but it is really encouraging to hear from you. I'm so glad for you!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Ditto that, Achaya!  So very good to hear.  Keep the success stories coming!

[apollotech]

Just out of curiosity mks10, did you end the relationship or did she end it? Was there a reason given for the relationship ending given by the ending party? After the relationship ended, were there other contacts made from her/attempted by her prior to this latest contact? Thanks for your response.

[MincedGarlic]

It never ends, does it? It was just a short text thanking me for something I did a long time ago. In reality I'm assuming she needs money, wants to string me along some more, or she recently got dumped by whatever number guy she replaced me with. Either way, I'm not replying. I have slowly, surely, and painfully finally moved on with my life and I just have nothing to say to her. Over the last few months I have FINALLY started to feel at peace with this nightmare and I like the person I am today. Dealing with her and her problems again is just not in the cards for me. I'm done with her and you have no idea how good it feels to say that!

This is great to hear that a) you have moved on and b) that you like the person you are. It sure sounds like a lot of relief to know that you really are done with that r/s and moving forward in life.

Looking forward to reaching the same place eventually as well.

[ZeusRLX]

Good for you.

Give her nothing. Nothing at all to cling on to.

She's searching for opportunities to manipulate you but if you leave her nothing, she will disappear.

[Arcturus81]

Congratulations! I am only two months NC but reading posts like this make me realize that there is a goal and that it is possible to reach. May you find the right one for you and be happy!

[mks10]

Just out of curiosity mks10, did you end the relationship or did she end it? Was there a reason given for the relationship ending given by the ending party? After the relationship ended, were there other contacts made from her/attempted by her prior to this latest contact? Thanks for your response.

Met: August 2010

First BU: April 2013

Recycle: April 2013

Second and final BU: October 2013

She ended the relationship. We only had one recycle too. The first break up happened in April of 2013. We had a very minor argument over money she owed due to her ex-husband/marriage. She didn't speak to me for 11 days and that is when I truly realized that something was terribly wrong with her. Her reaction to a minor conflict seemed over the top to me. I just shake my head when I read others talk about love bombing, recycling, certain behaviors, certain traits... .she had all of it going on. The next 6 months were a bad bad roller coaster ride. Lots of ups but many more downs. By September of 2013, she started to slow fade and I knew the end was coming. She also started going out to karaoke bars more and the phone calls/text dwindled. I'm 100% sure now that she met someone else during that time and she ended the relationship on Oct. 31st, 2013 via text. Her reason for ending the relationship was "you deserve more than I can give right now" along with other assorted idiotic excuses. She was so flaky for so much of 2013... .we were together for 3 years and the last 6 months of dating were absolutely horrible. I stupidly thought my love for her could save us but I was so wrong.

After the relationship ended, contact continued off and on for the next 10 months but via text only. No phone calls. She would routinely ask me for money and I was dumb enough to send it to her. She also constantly griped about how crappy her life was, how much she hated her ex-husband, and being upset over issues with her kids. She would text me out of the blue and ask me the most random questions. Stuff like what kind of grass to plant, cell phone questions, and general inquiries about my family. I thought it was odd then but now I realize she was just trying to manipulate me and string me along for financial gain. The last straw for me was was when my she had a mammogram and referenced my Mom who passed in 2010. She knew my Mom was a breast cancer survivor and told me how she was thinking of her when she had the procedure done. I was still mad as hell about the break-up but this crossed a line with me. 2 days later she asked me for $200 to cover her rent and I promptly asked her when we were going to talk again. She immediately refused and became very very upset. At that point, she told me to basically get lost. I absolutely agreed and never sent her another text. That was the end of our contact until yesterday when she sent me a text. It was so pathetic too. It said "If this phone number still belongs to (my name), thank you for buying me the AAA membership last year". She KNOWS it was my number and she was just fishing for a reply. It's not coming. I'm done with her and I hope to never hear from her again.

If you do the math, we have been apart roughly 18 months and I'm only coming to terms with this now. I finally have accepted the fate and failure of my relationship with her. I will always love her but we will never be together and I have come to terms with this. I do have empathy towards her and her life. She is a survivor of abuse and suffers from a terrible mental illness(BPD diagnosed in 2001). I spoke to her multiple times about treatment but it never happened. It will never happen either. She was everything I wanted(lie), she seemed so sweet and nice(lie), and I would have married her(it would have failed with 100% certainty). Onward and upward now right?

[apollotech]

Just out of curiosity mks10, did you end the relationship or did she end it? Was there a reason given for the relationship ending given by the ending party? After the relationship ended, were there other contacts made from her/attempted by her prior to this latest contact? Thanks for your response.

Met: August 2010

First BU: April 2013

Recycle: April 2013

Second and final BU: October 2013

She ended the relationship. We only had one recycle too. The first break up happened in April of 2013. We had a very minor argument over money she owed due to her ex-husband/marriage. She didn't speak to me for 11 days and that is when I truly realized that something was terribly wrong with her. Her reaction to a minor conflict seemed over the top to me. I just shake my head when I read others talk about love bombing, recycling, certain behaviors, certain traits... .she had all of it going on. The next 6 months were a bad bad roller coaster ride. Lots of ups but many more downs. By September of 2013, she started to slow fade and I knew the end was coming. She also started going out to karaoke bars more and the phone calls/text dwindled. I'm 100% sure now that she met someone else during that time and she ended the relationship on Oct. 31st, 2013 via text. Her reason for ending the relationship was "you deserve more than I can give right now" along with other assorted idiotic excuses. She was so flaky for so much of 2013... .we were together for 3 years and the last 6 months of dating were absolutely horrible. I stupidly thought my love for her could save us but I was so wrong.

After the relationship ended, contact continued off and on for the next 10 months but via text only. No phone calls. She would routinely ask me for money and I was dumb enough to send it to her. She also constantly griped about how crappy her life was, how much she hated her ex-husband, and being upset over issues with her kids. She would text me out of the blue and ask me the most random questions. Stuff like what kind of grass to plant, cell phone questions, and general inquiries about my family. I thought it was odd then but now I realize she was just trying to manipulate me and string me along for financial gain. The last straw for me was was when my she had a mammogram and referenced my Mom who passed in 2010. She knew my Mom was a breast cancer survivor and told me how she was thinking of her when she had the procedure done. I was still mad as hell about the break-up but this crossed a line with me. 2 days later she asked me for $200 to cover her rent and I promptly asked her when we were going to talk again. She immediately refused and became very very upset. At that point, she told me to basically get lost. I absolutely agreed and never sent her another text. That was the end of our contact until yesterday when she sent me a text. It was so pathetic too. It said "If this phone number still belongs to (my name), thank you for buying me the AAA membership last year". She KNOWS it was my number and she was just fishing for a reply. It's not coming. I'm done with her and I hope to never hear from her again.

If you do the math, we have been apart roughly 18 months and I'm only coming to terms with this now. I finally have accepted the fate and failure of my relationship with her. I will always love her but we will never be together and I have come to terms with this. I do have empathy towards her and her life. She is a survivor of abuse and suffers from a terrible mental illness(BPD diagnosed in 2001). I spoke to her multiple times about treatment but it never happened. It will never happen either. She was everything I wanted(lie), she seemed so sweet and nice(lie), and I would have married her(it would have failed with 100% certainty). Onward and upward now right?

mks10,

Thank you for your very detailed response. I agree with your premises. Like you, I am out of my relationship and in the recovery phase. Like you, I do not seek a recycle, nor would I participate in one. Again, thank you for your response. It definitely helped with some of my (unspoken) questions.

Yes, the correct, only, path is forward as that is the only option that many of us were given. If they refuse to address their disorder/illness, what other palatable options are available?

[Infared]

Just out of curiosity mks10, did you end the relationship or did she end it? Was there a reason given for the relationship ending given by the ending party? After the relationship ended, were there other contacts made from her/attempted by her prior to this latest contact? Thanks for

She was everything I wanted(lie), she seemed so sweet and nice(lie), and I would have married her(it would have failed with 100% certainty). Onward and upward now right?

Recognizing the illusion that we fell in love wit AND coming to terms with who the person "actually" is and accepting that with empathy is what we are left with. Nothing more.