Wife with BPD wants divorce

[Thrik]

Hello,

We are married for 1.5 years and was in realtionship for last 4.5 years.

I think my wife has BPD... .she has almost all of the symptoms said here... .

1.she used to praise a lot when things are good but when we fight she brings up things happened a long time back and treats me like the worst person on the world

2. Makes me feel guilty and proves I was responsible for the problem

3.She brokeup 2 times in our 3 year relation before marriage and she had sexual relationship with her ex for few months then... .and then came back to me asking sorry and my bad , I forgave

4. Now I had to go abroad on business for 6 months , she started to talking to her ex and now wants to divorce me

5. This time too, she created a bad image for me in her family and made me feel guilty

I started searching for my problems and then realised its not me, but she is the one with a problem and that is BPD

Now what I want to know,

1. I feel bad for her, should i try to convince her and take her for diagnose and treat her

0r

2. Should I stay away from her because of her disorder (I feel its selfish) and give her divorce

3. If I should stick with her, how can I convince a BSD person when they are triggered.

[llor]

Hi. I was married for 3.5 years and was with my ex wife wBPD for 3 years before.

The symptoms you talk about are in these those of someone with BPD. However unless she has been diagnosed by a specialist as such, it is difficult to know for sure.

I am not in your shoes nor do I know your whole story but to answer your questions:

1) You can't really help someone that does'nt want to help themselve, so I think it is still worth a while to express to her your concerns about her mental health and maybe recommend she sees someone. Whatever happens next, at least you will have to feeling that you at least try to help her and if things goes sour between you two at least she will have support during the divorce, which trust me if she is wBPD, will really help alot.

2) That question is for you really to answer. I was fully commited to my ex-wife even if I knew from the start she had BPD (she told me the first month we were dating, althought I must confess, I didnt knew anything about it back then). Some people here are still in relationship with people that have BPD 20 years plus after the person was diagnosed. However if you decide to stay in such a relationship, I would recommend that you read the section that gives advice on how to improve your relationship with a person wBPD.

If you choose to leave, I would recommend you get a lawyer ASAP, and since I have yet to hear from someone that walked away unscarred from a relationship with a BPD to maybe seek counsel for yourself to help you heals from your wounds.

In any case I wish you good luck and hope things work to the best for you.

[Henry II]

Read more on here on the plight of others and determine if you want to allow yourself to suffer this treatment long term.

  If she has traights it  will be forever. If she gets help then she can try to understand herself. I've read it never goes away. Again keep reading on here past poost and do searches as your scenerio will pop up a lot and help you.

  I must commend those that stay with cheating spouses as does not work for me. Luck, Henry.

[OnceConfused]

It appears to me that your wife still is "in love" or "wanting a r/s" with her ex. You have already forgiven the first one and now the same thing seems to happen again, esp. with you being away for months. The trust in marriage has been broken. So do you want to stay in such of a marriage ? I personally DO NOT. Why make her miserable marrying to you, while her heart and mind are with someone else. Let her go free this way you both can be happy with your own life and desire.

[Thrik]

Thanks all for your replies... .It was really helpful

I know its going to be a big decision in my life... .I just hope Im able to decide it soon enough and good enough for both of us

Thanks again ... .!