Had contact (again) and even though i held fast

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

i still feel like i've been poisoned... .she contacted me on monday via sms to ask if i would go to couples therapy as one last throw of the dice (erm i left you sweetheart as even after getting married you got worse and worse) so i politely decline and kept it very short... .i then received sms for the next 36 hours (they all go into a spam folder on my phone so not read) but even though i felt empowered and strong at the time 2 days later it feels like i drank or ate something bad and now i feel bleaurgh inside

are they that poisonous that even the smallest contact harms you ? Also all through the relationship i had many times of just retching (but not being sick) when she was in a mood

[mitatsu]

i still feel like i've been poisoned... .she contacted me on monday via sms to ask if i would go to couples therapy as one last throw of the dice (erm i left you sweetheart as even after getting married you got worse and worse) so i politely decline and kept it very short... .i then received sms for the next 36 hours (they all go into a spam folder on my phone so not read) but even though i felt empowered and strong at the time 2 days later it feels like i drank or ate something bad and now i feel bleaurgh inside

are they that poisonous that even the smallest contact harms you ? Also all through the relationship i had many times of just retching (but not being sick) when she was in a mood

[Targeted]

You are not missing anything!  I recently had the same request to do couples counselling and we went, it goes like this!---   First meeting she really wants to fix the relationship and admits to things she has done that are serious, this shows that she has self recognition and makes her feel empowered in the room even though it is all false, her admissions where are backed up with reasoning why and I was the cause, The rest of the meetings where about trying to put me down and try to steer the counsellor into thinking I am a sociopath!  

I told the counsellor I know her history and there is a lot that you do not yet know about her but it all leads to a borderline type personality and good luck helping her!  recycle over

[mitatsu]

Thanks for the reply... .to be honest she has been to couples counceling with a ex 20 yrs ago and that never worked (i know the guy and he tried to warn me about her years ago but white knight syndrome eh?) and as she is blaming everyone except her for our troubles i knew it was pointless

i think it was brought on by her maybe seeing pics of me out with mutual friends last sat night and some of 'her sychophants' were there and saw a young lady come onto me (which i again politely declined but was nice for the ego) and she wanted her toy back

[Targeted]

They always want their toy when they think someone else wants it!   

[fromheeltoheal]

An upside of interactions like that is it can give us immediate feedback as to how we're doing on our detachment.  If 'detached' means you would get a text (or get bombarded with them) and you get a little amused by the nuisance but there's no emotional reaction or fallout from it, it seems you're not quite there yet mitatsu, but do you notice some difference in your reaction now, compared to a few months ago?  And what did you do right, in addition to the spam folder, and what can you do better next time?

[mitatsu]

An upside of interactions like that is it can give us immediate feedback as to how we're doing on our detachment.  If 'detached' means you would get a text (or get bombarded with them) and you get a little amused by the nuisance but there's no emotional reaction or fallout from it, it seems you're not quite there yet mitatsu, but do you notice some difference in your reaction now, compared to a few months ago?  And what did you do right, in addition to the spam folder, and what can you do better next time?

Totally agree with not right there... .but i was ok with telling her that i dont want her back and we have tried everything to resolve our rel issues... .now a few months ago (and in the past 10+ recycles) i would not of had the confidence to say that and next time i need to completely ignore any contact... .and yes i'm glad in a way it happened as it has shown my progress so far 

[Arcturus81]

Couldn't be prouder man. Keep it up. I am still friends with my exBPDs ex husband. It is kinda weird I know but he is actually a decent guy. He said something to me after the breakup which hit me profoundly. He said he knew it was going to happen because she has a "pattern". It was then that I realized that I wasn't special to her and that all those pretty little lies she said were just to entice me. It was hard but I am over two months NC. I am feeling a lot better as my perspective on the whole relationship is beginning to shift to how a normal person would have looked at it.

Keep it up man. There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel, trust me.