Learning how to pick up the pieces after losing my son to suicide.

[brokenarrows]

 There are so many situations in life that we pray about, fears we hope will never come true. What happens to families when they lose their adult child of 24 to suicide? The realization that he will not be walking in the door hits me like a wave of sadness daily. BPD undiagnosed, or misdiagnosed whatever you label it. Now, it doesn't change the facts. My son is now in Heaven, and I pray that none of you will ever have to bury your child. This cruel illness leaves behind so many what if's , if only, or the typical would of , should of , and could have... .  The anniversary of my son's death is coming up in June. They say the firsts are the hardest. Holidays, Birthdays are a reminder of the loss... .He would have turned 25 in March. Last Memorial Weekend he stopped over and napped on the couch until I had to leave for work. This is what I am reminded of while others prepare for family cook outs my heart tries to make sense of a tragic ending to a light that has gone out ,and how I would trade one more day to just hold him and say, this was not your fault to be born with such challenges... .but please remember as bad as today may seem... .It will pass as quickly as the storm rages in... .the sun will shine, and everything will be a little better in the morning.  Thank you for allowing me to share... .If only, I had found this resource early enough to have understood enough to change the outcome. Fathers hold onto your daughters, and Mommas hold onto to your sons. xo

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello brokenarrows,

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  

It is the greatest fear for us as parent's that our children will lose the battle with this illness and leave us here to mourn.  My heart goes out to you.

As a people of faith our greatest consolation is believing that one day in Heaven our children will "know and be fully known" and are healed and whole.  

Thank you for reminding us to hold onto them and do all we can to not have to ask ourselves "what if" or tell ourselves "I should have... ."

I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror now and years from now and know that I did all I could to help my disordered child regardless of what choices she makes.

This disorder steals away our children and we have to fight the battle for them and with them on many fronts to keep our heads above water.  :'(

We have a memorial for those who have lost a loved one to this disorder, I invite you to honor your son here and allow others to mourn alongside you:  

~In Loving Memory~


Let us know if we can honor you and your son in this way.

lbj

[Kwamina]

Hi brokenarrows,

It's a very sad and unfortunate reality of BPD that some people with this disorder end up taking their own lives. I am very sorry that you've lost your son this way. Losing a child is never easy and I can imagine that having it happen like this only adds to your sorrow.

Do you have people in your life who you can talk to about what you're going through? Did you get help after it happened? The 1-year anniversary of your son's death is coming up. We have some information here for people who have lost someone through suicide. It's a self-help book that can perhaps also be of help to you. Here's a short excerpt:

Losing someone that you loved or cared for to suicide is the absolute worse loss that anyone can endure. No one is prepared for it and only those who have experienced it can know what it involves and how it feels.

This handbook provides some basic information for those who are bereaved by a suicide. It is based on the self-help philosophy of Survivors of Suicide (SOS). It covers topics frequently discussed at SOS support group meetings and concepts from the suicide loss literature.

... .

This booklet is not a substitute for the mutual self-help offered through SOS or other support groups. It is a supplement to such support. It may be a resource for those in settings or communities without such services.

You can read the entire booklet here: Recovering from suicide loss

Take care

[Rapt Reader]

I would like to add my own condolences for your loss, brokenarrows 

I can't imagine the pain and bereavement of such a loss, but do know that if my own adult son with BPD had gone through with the several suicidal ideations that he had in the past, that it would be a pain beyond what I've ever suffered before. I really feel for you, and hope that you will check out that link that lbjnltx provided, and consider letting us honor your son in that way.

I'd also like to encourage you to read the information provided at the link above, in the post by Kwamina; I agree with him that it could prove helpful to you.

I'm very glad that you found us, and have posted your tribute to your son, and your advice, as it is from someone who knows this pain of loss... .Your efforts in this are very much appreciated, brokenarrows