Hi Arcturus81
I've also been in several, likely at least 3, r/s with a pwBPD. I'm 50 and looking back now I see the traits. I had always thought I was attracted to alcoholics but see now it was much deeper than that.
I also ran into my first gf, who was likely BPD, many years down the road though I wasn't in recovery at the time. I had recovered from that r/s however and saw that she was the same person she had always been. She had accused me that night of mistreating her sister a year or so prior. I had "rescued" her sister and her children from an abusive r/s only to watch her go back within a week. Children are my hook and those children and her sister were in serious need of basic necessities which I provided at the time to help her get on her feet, or so I thought. Nevertheless, I stood up for myself that night which was something I never did. She backed off, which in the past she never did. I ran into her brother years later and he told me she was living in a motel doing drugs. It was sad to me, such a waste of a person's beautiful life.
The second ex I haven't seen though I had contact from a family member many years down the road. She had moved to Florida and had left her daughter with her mother for stability and school, or so I had thought back when I had heard she moved. Several friends had contacted me prior to her mother letting me know that her daughter had hung herself in her grandmother's backyard. She was a preteen. I was heartbroken for her and didn't have a clue what to say, who does in these situations? Her mother had contacted me and wanted me to talk sense into my ex because she was blaming her. She told me she had made a huge scene at the funeral. I told her we hadn't parted on good terms and that my involvement would likely make things worse, I steered clear.
My last encounter with my exBPDgf, who brought me to these boards, was several years ago. I was newly in recovery at the time. I was out with friends and we ended up at the same place. She watched me all night and ended up walking by and handing me a school picture of her son and walked away. I gave that picture back that night, though today I regret doing so, because I needed to break my hook, one she was well aware of. She had used the children several times to hook me and I ran back each time. Not this time. I was proud of myself at the time and so was my T however the smear campaign that followed my action was over the top and resulted in a restraining order. I see today that I could have saved myself some heartache by simply taking the picture, saying thank and walking away.
I haven't seen her now for a couple of years. I no longer frequent the same places and she has no way of contact unless we by chance run into each other at the grocery store. I've learned a few lessons since and will handle any encounters differently.
This encounter helped me to realize that I have long standing issues with attracting and being attracted to this type of woman. I still need to work on myself.
I've found the same. What I realized was that I was more insecure about being alone than being in a bad relationship and that insecurity led me to ignore red flags in the beginning. One in particular was the tall tales surrounding the fact that she didn't have custody of her son. I am leery of tall tales today.
I purposely took a year off from dating, thought that has turned into longer, to work on my longstanding issues and to come to an understanding of where they came from and what to do to make changes going forward.
Where do you feel your longstanding issues came from? Three months isn't very long, how emotionally available do you see yourself?
