Ran into my ex on the subway this morning...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

 So just a little recap for those that don't know my story.  Just hit 5 months NC with a uBPDexgf that I dated for a little over a year.  Her behavior was violent and abusive, and the relationship ened with a spectacular fight followed by mutual NC for 5 months.

She lives in my neighborhood, so I knew that evantually I would run into her.  I took the subway to work this morning, something I only do when I can't use my car (it's in the shop).  She rarely takes the subway because she doesn't like it and lives a bit out of walking distance from it.  So really never expected to run into her on the subway (sometimes the universe likes to mess with us).   After one stop, I grabbed an empty seat on a crowded car.  I looked up and there she was.  I did a double take because I wasn't expecting it and she looked a little different.  She had lost a little weight and had a serious tan.  

She spent the next seven stops glaring at me with her arms crossed, occassionally texting furiously.  We did not say a word to each other.  We even got off at the same stop and went our opposite ways to get our transfers. The whole thing was a bit unsettling.

This is was a little jarring... .not as bad as I expected but I am a little bit of shock.  I guess I will have to wait and see how I feel when the shock wears off.  She did look very good... .but then again her looks were never the issue.  She could have become a supermodel and that wouldn't change how I feel about not wanting to be with her again.  

So other than the shock and jar... .I think I am ok.  I have been dating and seeing a counselor.  I am even am at the beginning stages of a relationship with a new lady, who is great.  I am a little concerned that this will lead to her contacting me again... .she has quite a few excuses to do so that have built up now (our shared dog that I kept, my birthday just passed and now this).  But I will deal with that if and when it comes.  

I guess bottom line I am glad things were civil... .even if oddly so.  

[lawman79]

 So just a little recap for those that don't know my story.  Just hit 5 months NC with a uBPDexgf that I dated for a little over a year.  Her behavior was violent and abusive, and the relationship ened with a spectacular fight followed by mutual NC for 5 months.

She lives in my neighborhood, so I knew that evantually I would run into her.  I took the subway to work this morning, something I only do when I can't use my car (it's in the shop).  She rarely takes the subway because she doesn't like it and lives a bit out of walking distance from it.  So really never expected to run into her on the subway (sometimes the universe likes to mess with us).   After one stop, I grabbed an empty seat on a crowded car.  I looked up and there she was.  I did a double take because I wasn't expecting it and she looked a little different.  She had lost a little weight and had a serious tan.  

She spent the next seven stops glaring at me with her arms crossed, occassionally texting furiously.  We did not say a word to each other.  We even got off at the same stop and went our opposite ways to get our transfers. The whole thing was a bit unsettling.

This is was a little jarring... .not as bad as I expected but I am a little bit of shock.  I guess I will have to wait and see how I feel when the shock wears off.  She did look very good... .but then again her looks were never the issue.  She could have become a supermodel and that wouldn't change how I feel about not wanting to be with her again.  

So other than the shock and jar... .I think I am ok.  I have been dating and seeing a counselor.  I am even am at the beginning stages of a relationship with a new lady, who is great.  I am a little concerned that this will lead to her contacting me again... .she has quite a few excuses to do so that have built up now (our shared dog that I kept, my birthday just passed and now this).  But I will deal with that if and when it comes.  

I guess bottom line I am glad things were civil... .even if oddly so.  

[UserName69]

Couple days ago I saw my exBPD. I was riding my bike and she was waiting at a tram stop. I passed by first I didn't recognize her, she was shocked. Later I was thinking about it and decided to text her. She replied but she didn't answer my question. So I knew it was her. She looked very unattractive and unhealthy she has lost her beauty. I seems like she's destroying herself. Let me be honest I don't have any feelings for her the only feeling I have for her is hate. I really can't believe I used to love her, ugly from outside ugly from inside I guess.

Like you I also have found replacement, I'm dating an another girl I met once when I broke up with my exBPD. She's totally the opposite of my ex and a much better person in heart and behavior. I really have lost nothing.

That day when I saw my exBPD I was heading to the girl I have been dating with. She wanted to see me at a place that's near that tram stop but I decided to come over to her place. I really wonder what my exBPD would do if she saw me with my date.

[Arcturus81]

I understand how seeing your ex even in passing can be a hard thing. Mine happens to work down the road from where I live and passes by my house everyday on her way home. Whenever I go out to get groceries or other necessities I go out of my way to make sure I don't go anywhere near her work. I do occasionally pass by her on the road, but it is a small town and can't be helped. Sometimes seeing her causes me to get a little depressed but when I think about that I remember the lies, abuse and cheating.  It has gotten better but everytime I go out and see either her car or a car that looks similar I do feel those pangs of sorrow. Glad to hear you have found someone else. It gives the rest of us hope.

[jedimaster]

My stbex, our son, and I all ran in the same 5K Saturday.  It was the first time that had happened since the breakup.  She refused to speak to me, allowing our son (he is 28 and has special needs) to carry the conversation.  I asked her two direct questions and she refused to answer until our son finally spoke up.  I finally just chuckled to myself and walked away.  I ran my race, she ran along with him.  He finished a bit ahead of her so I was there at the finish line to cheer him on and then I walked off with him.  Neither of us was watching when she finished. 

I was prepared for anything and I decided ahead of time that I would go by her reaction. If she wanted to be civil I would be also.  But she chose to be childish so rather than participate I just went about my business.  I will say the whole event was made much easier by the fact that as soon as the race was over I headed home to shower for a date with someone I met online.  We had a lovely afternoon at an arts and music festival and are planning to schedule a second date as soon as time allows.  The contrast could not have been greater.   

[Aussie0zborn]

As you progress in your healing you will deal with these chance meetings differently. You seem be on the right track but if she does contact you, you know what to do, right?

I would hope you have already blocked her so that she cant easily contact you. Keep at it - a better relationship awaits you.