Things are tough, not getting better...

[LonelyChild]

So my uBPDxgf has now been locked up in a psych ward for 7 weeks (see my other threads for background).

Things are not getting better. She is psychotic. Tried to carve her own eyes out. Banged her head against a table. She's gone horror movie mental.

Whenever I show up, she becomes a sweet little angel. I'm deeply in love with her, as she is with me (or is she? I don't know, you can never tell with a pwBPD).

It's become more obvious that this is more than BPD. She cannot function at all anymore. She is in constant aches, hallucinates, she's come on bad terms with EVERYONE around her. Her dad will not reply anymore. She refuses to have contact with her mother. Her brother doesn't want to speak to her. And I don't know how to let go. Partly because I'm madly in love with her, partly because - how can you abandon someone who has NOTHING?

Her apartment is a dump. She hasn't been there for 7 weeks, and there's rotten food etc in it, it's such a mess you can't go into it anymore.

I realize intellectually that this will probably be a life long battle for her. She's 23 now. She is probably moving towards the end of her life. There's basically no way back to a normal life for her anynore. Emotionally, I can't let go of the fantasies of all the things we are going to do together and be happy. Which we are, as long as we stay in her tiny bubble world. Her birthday is in one month and it will def. trigger huge amounts of anxiety for her.

I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly sometimes wish she would just end her suffering. Which would also end my suffering, as well as her family's suffering. She's bringing so much pain upon everyone unknowingly(?). She's extremely aggressive and acting out towards everyone but me at the moment.

[Loosestrife]

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. What support do you have in place?

[Mayjar68]

So sorry things are rough for you. I can't help feeling that you need to look after yourself right now ! You are no good to her or yourself if you are going down also. Does the hospital run a supportive group for the partners as seeing your SO this way can be extremely distressing and take a toll on you. I feel you could do with some help in this way, don't feel guilty about seeking help for yourself as well. Remember the more healthy in mind that you are, the better you will cope. The better you are for your partner. You will be no help to her if you're in a bad way yourself

I really hope things get better for you xxxxxxx