How Has Your Physical Health Been Affected?

[workinprogress]

I wanted to add something really important here.  I had been very busy the last couple of weeks and my work outs have dropped off.  I was tired today and depressed.  I had a little free time so I forced myself to go to the gym.  I convince myself to go on days like this by saying to myself, "just do one set at a time.  Take your time."

Well, it worked.  Maybe the off days helped, but I killed my max squat today!  I added a few sets of exercises and came home feeling great!

Just try to do something physical when you can.

[joeramabeme]

Leaving, thank you for your post.  Stress can do terrible things to the body.  As it relates to dental stress I was a tooth grinder.  My dentist told me this as a young boy but it obviously did not register with me at that time.  By the age of 40 I had ground my eye teeth down to the roots.  I have had cosmetic dentistry (per order of the BPD wife who told me I look like a rabbit).  I no longer grind (that I am aware of) but now realize that this was the direct result of living in a deeply unstable home and choosing relationships that mimiced that home for many years.

Also, now that I am divorcing BP wife there has been one other significant health improvement.  I have had GERD (stomach acid - totally stress related), my GERD has got better.  The GERD caused me to have asthma (stomach acid was splashing into my lungs) so now my asthma better which means I no longer take a steroidal inhaler which unbeknownst to me had been causing my hip and shoulder joints to become inflamed and in constant pain, which in turn had been impacting my sleep and that impacting my mood.  I can't believe all that changed for me but it is true.

I am in my 50's, just starting to get the big picture, it is not easy realizing that I have had much of these problems along with deep confusion all life long. 

Today, I find myself intentionally guarding my thoughts against thinking that God does not love me or I am being punished for some mysterious reason (a routine daily thought for many-many years).  I have no good answers to why I have gone through all this but have come to believe and know that I am loved, even by my abusive parents, as unhealthy as it was.  

Today I can be a companion to others, even if just by posting, and let you know that you are not alone and can still enjoy life and it can and does get better when properly identified and worked on with professionals.

Best wishes... .

[Leaving]

Yes, I think she started out having the ones removed that needed to go in order for the braces to be put on. Like you, I had a mouth too small for my teeth. Then, when she became infatuated with the dental surgeon, she had the ones removed that would make room for my future wisdom teeth so that she could pursue him further.

How did my Dad handle my Mom? WOW that is complicated, and I am actually writing my memoirs and will dedicate a whole chapter to that. So much is clouded with deceit, and I have had to find out way after-the-fact. They married when she got pregnant with me. He was her boss in a "Mad Men" style situation in Manhattan in the early 1960s. He had a steady girlfriend that she pulled him away from. My Mom was patently gorgeous and had hoped to do better socially, but because of her mean & promiscuous streak most of the more well-to-do men who had courted her wound up ditching her.

While on their honeymoon cruise, two months pregnant with me, my Mom met the "love of her life," a wealthy married stockbroker from Long Island. They began an affair that I witnessed as a youngster and which produced my baby brother. As she got older, she had to settle for men from more pedestrian walks of life. Enter the butcher, the hairdresser, the drycleaner, etc. One of them is the father of my youngest half-brother. In a big metropolis like NYC, she managed to cover her tracks for the most part. She always denied the affairs. People murmured about her, but she maintained a squeaky-clean and even pious veneer. She instructed me to remain a virgin until marriage or I would be very, very sorry. I rebelled and that, once again, is going into my memoir.

My Dad was not happy about the situation, but he was hopelessly in love with her—obsessed, even. He may have been unable to continue to have sex with her once they were married because he found out soon after I was born that he had contracted hepatitis C while serving in Korea. He and his possessions were treated like toxic chemicals in the household. So maybe he consented, though it hurt him, to her straying. I used to hear him questioning her behind closed doors about where my brothers came from. On the surface, he raised them as his own, but there was always doubt and it affected them very negatively. When both my parents and brothers were out of the room, my paternal grandmother would point me out and say to my aunt/her daughter, "She's her father's daughter. The others, I don't know... ."

As my Dad got older and his personality disintegrated because of alcoholism, he became physically abusive with her. When he saw her returning from the wrong direction after an errand, he gave her a black eye, for example. By the time this was happening, I was out of the house. I offered her a chance to come live with me but Dad would have to stay put; I didn't want active abuse going on under my roof. She couldn't pull herself together enough to do it. Eventually, she became verbally abusive with me as her own alcohol consumption increased, and I went NC with her. Then, she died.

Charlotte,

I'm speechless.  I'm touched.  You are such a gifted writer that your post had me completely immersed in the characters. Your story would make an excellent Lifetime movie!   There was one part of your story that resembles  the relationship between my father and mother that may help add some insight into your father's obsession with your mother.

  For some background, my mother married my biological father twice and divorced him twice in a span of ten years. She was pregnant with me when they married though she will never admit that. Unless I'm a GMO baby who grew mighty fast in 6 months, I don't know how she could possibly dispute that truth.  Years ago I asked my G-d mother why she thought my mother remarried my father and she mentioned something about their sexual chemistry and even mentioned specific details about how my mother would tell her about their sexual positions and things.   I took it to mean that they were just sexually attracted or obsessed with each other. Obsession, I can believe - especially given how people can become so obsessed with N's.  My father was a decent man, very traditional and very intelligent.  He had emotional issues relating to his N mother which contributed to his failures which included being a poor provider.  I  can't blame him entirely because my mother was an erratic spender.   She was not only gorgeous but alluring, seemed intelligent and mysterious. She grew up with money and all the formalities of being a General's daughter. She was an only child. During her marriage to my father she would rage and their fights were terrifying as mom was very violent. My father finally left and he never returned.  I don't blame him. I don't excuse his abandoning us ( his children) but I've walked in his shoes and I know that NC is often better ( than the alternative)  for everyone's sake- children included. 

My mother never slept with men for free and told me to always make sure I got something in return- even when I was young!  Mom would run off with men for a weekend or longer-  and many were Senators and would return home with arm fulls of expensive clothing and other gifts for all of us. Tax payers beware!   We lived in a dilapidated old tenant house on a Senator's estate in the middle of an apple orchard and dressed like debutantes.  The town was a very small rural farming town. My outward appearance never aligned with my internal self image.  I felt small and ashamed on the inside but appeared wealthy, successful and confident.  I hated anyone envying me or thinking I was fortunate.

My mother met my stepfather at work.  He was her boss in that same ' mad men' sort of way.  He was a good man, responsible and owned several successful real estate businesses.  He was married at the time they met but divorced and married my mother.  If anyone ever doubts how alluring the N can be, listen up:  My mother made best friends with every single ex wife or wife of every one of her lovers despite that she was a catalyst for or the reason for their failed marriage and or divorce.  These women would magnetically align themselves with my mother and never seemed angry at her or blame her.  My brother and I would become best friends with all their children.  After my stepfather divorced my mother in 79, my mother spent almost every weekend with his first wife.

All this sounds so surreal.  My brother knows very little to nothing about any of the above. My mother shielded him from all of it and painted an entirely different picture of herself for his benefit.  He stayed in in his room that was separate from the main part of the house, did his own thing, focused on school.   I was my mother's best friend and she shared everything with me but always made me promise not to tell my brother.

[Leaving]

Leaving, thank you for your post.  Stress can do terrible things to the body.  As it relates to dental stress I was a tooth grinder.  My dentist told me this as a young boy but it obviously did not register with me at that time.  By the age of 40 I had ground my eye teeth down to the roots.  I have had cosmetic dentistry (per order of the BPD wife who told me I look like a rabbit).  I no longer grind (that I am aware of) but now realize that this was the direct result of living in a deeply unstable home and choosing relationships that mimiced that home for many years.

Also, now that I am divorcing BP wife there has been one other significant health improvement.  I have had GERD (stomach acid - totally stress related), my GERD has got better.  The GERD caused me to have asthma (stomach acid was splashing into my lungs) so now my asthma better which means I no longer take a steroidal inhaler which unbeknownst to me had been causing my hip and shoulder joints to become inflamed and in constant pain, which in turn had been impacting my sleep and that impacting my mood.  I can't believe all that changed for me but it is true.

I am in my 50's, just starting to get the big picture, it is not easy realizing that I have had much of these problems along with deep confusion all life long. 

Today, I find myself intentionally guarding my thoughts against thinking that God does not love me or I am being punished for some mysterious reason (a routine daily thought for many-many years).  I have no good answers to why I have gone through all this but have come to believe and know that I am loved, even by my abusive parents, as unhealthy as it was.  

Today I can be a companion to others, even if just by posting, and let you know that you are not alone and can still enjoy life and it can and does get better when properly identified and worked on with professionals.

Best wishes... .

Hi Joe,

Thank you for sharing your experience.  I'm so happy that you are on the road to better health and happiness. 

I wonder too why we suffer all that we have.  I've never blamed G-d but instead wondered what in the world he could possibly be preparing me for.  Must be something really big!    I talk to Him quite a bit about this!  Every so often, I have a revelation and I realize that there was still more that I needed to learn so Joe, be patient, trust in the natural order of this universe and enjoy the healing process and all the discoveries that you will make along the way.

I believe everything you wrote about the side effects of the steroids and other meds.  This is one reason i'm terrified of taking any medication today.   GERD... .uggh.  I developed GERD when I was taking an SSRI ( antidepressant)  Unfortunately, the SSRI did some damage to my central nervous system and my ability to swallow properly and the GERD continued even after I quit taking it.  My doctor was able to help me heal from that but it took about a year.  Fresh pineapple ( not canned)  and probiotics will stop GERD in its tracks.  Also papaya supplement that you can buy at the healthfood store.  Essential fatty acids ( EFAs) 3,6 and 9 will also benefit your health and are ' essential'  We don't get enough of them in our standard diet.   

Take Care Joe and keep smiling 

[Leaving]

I wanted to add something really important here.  I had been very busy the last couple of weeks and my work outs have dropped off.  I was tired today and depressed.  I had a little free time so I forced myself to go to the gym.  I convince myself to go on days like this by saying to myself, "just do one set at a time.  Take your time."

Well, it worked.  Maybe the off days helped, but I killed my max squat today!  I added a few sets of exercises and came home feeling great!

Just try to do something physical when you can.

GOOD POINT.  Getting outside for a walk, bike ride, gardening... .it's important to get sunshine and exercise.  Most of us don't get enough sunshine these days. 

[MyLifeNow]

Stress has affected my health in a major way. When I was a kid I caught colds and flus so often and so badly that some people thought I had to have been faking it. Most years I would miss almost 4 weeks of class and, being asthmatic, would wind up having to take inhaler steroids in order to breathe normally with all the chest infections I got. Major, major tooth grinding that continues to this day (though, far more mildly now that I'm NC). I broke a tooth that way, and my dentist was always asking me if I was under any stress.

The thing was, the stress was as natural to me as water is to a fish. So I had no idea I was stressed.

As I got older it turned into more weight gain and irritable bowel syndrome. When the stress got to its worst my guts would, over the course of an hour or so, inflate so much that my waistline increased by 9 inches. I had to take sick days because I would suddenly not own any work clothes that would fit, until the swelling went down 4 or 5 hours later. Once it put me in the ER because the swelling put so much pressure on my diaphragm that I could barely move my chest to breathe. Oh and speaking of the diaphragm, at some point when I was super stressed out over a breakup a weakness in the diaphragm resulted in my stomach getting pushed into the chest cavity. After they pushed it back to where it was supposed to be I was scheduled for surgery, but the stress declined and the thing stayed where it was supposed to be. So now I just take Tecta every day for the rest of my life to prevent esophageal cancer (from acids attacking the throat). When things were coming to a head with dad I had moments where my heart would start racing for no apparent reason. Most people have no clue just how badly stress can affect you.

My doctor was advising things like spending some time on hobbies, going for walks etc. The thing was I was already doing all that. It took limiting contact and putting some serious thought into what I want out of life and then pursuing those things to actually do anything about the stress. It was such a radical idea that my desires were important and possible to achieve, and it really took a lot of thinking to figure out just what it is I want. Since then my health has improved in a massive way. The IBS symptoms are all gone. I lost a pile of weight while not working out, which I was previously unable to lose even while swimming 3 to 4 kilometers a week. I started sleeping better, though I still had some sleep disturbance from a decade or so of sleep deprivation which took a visit to a sleep specialist to get resolved. All in all, everything is better