I have a PhD in marriage and family therapy. Let me tell you, this makes my own marriage to a BPDw completely confusing! As a marriage therapist, we are trained to see everything, EVERYTHING, as a two way problem. So, when my wife goes in to some type of rage, I immediately begin to question my own role in this event. After all, she wouldn't be having a tantrum, if I hadn't done something to trigger it according to system's theory.
Early in our marriage, I tried to pull my marriage therapist card (I know it is obnoxious, but I was desperate) and basically tell her that her tantrums were well beyond the normal response of an annoyed wife. This was of course completely rejected by saying that I was just waaaaaay too sensitive. (Most therapists are right?

She also added that real marriages do not have all of that lovey dovey, romantic stuff. Me wanting that stuff was unrealistic because I was a marriage therapist. So confusing.
I also tried some of the techniques I was learning to solve issues between us. But, we were having major blow up after major blow up whenever we would discuss a sensitive topic! Again, I wondered what I was doing wrong.