gatekeeping?

[rarsweet]

Today was my towns alumni parade. Ex had daughter, but we agreed they would come watch the parade with me. Exes father (he lives with him) was with him. I noticed ex wouldn't let his dad hold daughter. He kept asking, just out of consideration that she gets heavy holding her. I asked ex if I could take a picture. He said yes and then motioned for his dad to move away. His dad stepped away. I said " oh no you get in the pics too". So he did. The past 2 months or so I have seen his dad around my town a lot for his work. I may not like the man, but I have purposely crossed the street to bring daughter over to see him. One time I saw him go in a book store, so I brought daughter in. After visiting he always thanks me. My mom has run into his dad when she has daughter too. And his dad has thanked my mom for letting him see daughter. I swear ex must be not letting his dad really do anything even though they live in the same house. Is it possible for pwBPD  to do this to their own parents? I handed her right over to his dad today when I picked her up, and ex got right next to him, his body posture completely changed, crossed his arms, face got red.

[Turkish]

There might be something going on there more than your Ex's BPD triggers. Maybe there is a reason that he doesn't feel that your D is safe with his dad?

[rarsweet]

But he moved in with him after we broke up. Think he would if he thought his dad was a danger?

[bravhart1]

Maybe this is more about keeping you and your family away from dad and not daughter?

Maybe if dad was holding daughter the ex felt out of control? It's usually all about control, over kids physically and information. Maybe ex was trying to maintain distance from dad in front of you and had nothing to do with child?

I know our BPDm gets really mad at DH if at say at an exchange she brings a family member and they are kind to DH. Really flips her out, and she sends email saying don't say hello to "my" family if they come to an exchange. She doesn't seem to be angry at her family member, just DH.

[Eco]

I know our BPDm gets really mad at DH if at say at an exchange she brings a family member and they are kind to DH. Really flips her out, and she sends email saying don't say hello to "my" family if they come to an exchange. She doesn't seem to be angry at her family member, just DH.

Sounds just like my ex,  she forbids her other kids to be nice to me even though they like me and ive always treated them good. Same thing at the daycare, my ex cant stand that the daycare teachers and director like me. And for that fact my ex is starting to paint the daycare black. My ex wants the whole world to feel the same way about me that she does, In her mind if every one hates me it validates that I must be bad and justifies her feelings about me.

[Turkish]

Those are good points. It could just be that he is punishing his dad because he hasn't painted you black like his son.

[ForeverDad]

But he moved in with him after we broke up. Think he would if he thought his dad was a danger?

Are you expecting logical behavior?  Hmm.  Do you know whether he allows his dad to have contact when you're not there?  Just wondering to what extent he's blocking his father.  In any case, if he thought his father was a danger then he should advise you.  What do you think?