I insisted he not try to contact me on Sundays

[lbjnltx]

You can certainly reply in the workshop thread.

Also, if you want to discuss with other parents some of the concepts or get feedback from the Parents here you can post about it on the Parent's Board in a new topic.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Butterflygirl]

This morning my son emailed me and asked how old he was when he was put in the hospital as a child. He was four and they put him in a cage to keep him from getting out. He emailed back to me . . .



"I remember that "crib". I guess they needed it or else I would have wandered the halls looking for you. I remember feeling trapped with only tears to lodge as protest. I must have cried a lifetime of tears, died a thousand deaths in that little cage. The funny part is looking down on the corner night and day, helped me adjust to the shadows in the room that scared me. I think death was in that room but God kept him at bay. . . I remember when you finally came"

I sent him this which I found on the internet years ago . . .

Adapted from the ideas of Arthur Janov Ph. D, in The Primal Scream

The original wound occurs when the insistent need for love of the infant or young child gets ignored for so long that it goes underground. It becomes unconscious. The child splits into two personalities—one is no longer conscious of the need for love and the child gets on with his or her life. The other personality, the one that is unconscious, remains dormant for awhile and then reaches out for love through projection. He or she meets someone and they unconsciously project the old need for love onto the person. Unfortunately, this unconscious need for love is insatiable, uncontrolled and horribly insecure because it is the need of the infant and child, not the healthy need for love of the adult. If it progresses, this insatiable need for love becomes love addiction"

I love these moments when my son looks inward. They are my only hope for him. That and God's love.

Namaste

[Kwamina]

Hi again Butterflygirl

This morning my son emailed me and asked how old he was when he was put in the hospital as a child. He was four and they put him in a cage to keep him from getting out. He emailed back to me . . .




"I remember that "crib". I guess they needed it or else I would have wandered the halls looking for you. I remember feeling trapped with only tears to lodge as protest. I must have cried a lifetime of tears, died a thousand deaths in that little cage. The funny part is looking down on the corner night and day, helped me adjust to the shadows in the room that scared me. I think death was in that room but God kept him at bay. . . I remember when you finally came"

I can imagine how scary that must have been for him since he was just 4 years old. I can also imagine that it would have been quite difficult for you too as a mother, having your young son in hospital and then also seeing him in a cage. How did that whole experience make you feel?

I sent him this which I found on the internet years ago . . .

Adapted from the ideas of Arthur Janov Ph. D, in The Primal Scream

The original wound occurs when the insistent need for love of the infant or young child gets ignored for so long that it goes underground. It becomes unconscious. The child splits into two personalities—one is no longer conscious of the need for love and the child gets on with his or her life. The other personality, the one that is unconscious, remains dormant for awhile and then reaches out for love through projection. He or she meets someone and they unconsciously project the old need for love onto the person. Unfortunately, this unconscious need for love is insatiable, uncontrolled and horribly insecure because it is the need of the infant and child, not the healthy need for love of the adult. If it progresses, this insatiable need for love becomes love addiction"

I love these moments when my son looks inward. They are my only hope for him. That and God's love.

Did your son respond to you sending him this text?

[Butterflygirl]

Visiting a child in the hospital was stressful. I remember breaking down in tears half-way through the experience. But the hospital was full of kids. I hope they did not all suffer the way K did. It did help me understand what I must have gone through when I was 5. The synchronicity of us both going through this in the same room some how makes me feel that for some reason it was God's will. Bradshaw talks about how experiences get passed down to the next generation for unexplained reasons.

I am praying that my son internalizes the article I sent him about the borderline split... He resists having BPD so he did not respond. But he will come out of denial soon. Otherwise he would not have inquired about the incident. I can tell he is thinking about accepting his illness and [maybe] getting help.

Part of my stress these days is never knowing which of my son's personalities I am going to be dealing with. The day after this insightful correspondence he was angry again because we could not afford his medicine. He breaks out in clusters of cysts without Humira so right now he is in a lot of pain. Some of his bad mood is understandable. I just wish I was not his scapegoat. The medicine itself is stressful for me. Humira caused the death of my daughter.

So it is progress not perfection. I look forward to the good days in between the bad days. It does ease my own frustration to know about how he got BPD in the first place.

Good news,  I just bought the book "Walking on Eggshells" and can't wait to read it.

Thank you for posting. It really helps to have this outlet.

Namaste

[Kwamina]

Hiya Butterfly Girll

It did help me understand what I must have gone through when I was 5. The synchronicity of us both going through this in the same room some how makes me feel that for some reason it was God's will.

Were you too put in a cage? If so, do you have any memories of it?

Part of my stress these days is never knowing which of my son's personalities I am going to be dealing with.

That uncertainty is difficult and can be quite stressful indeed. Unfortunately we can't change or control our BPD loved ones, but we can control ourselves and prepare ourselves as best as possible for whatever scenario that will play out. And practice mindfulness of course like lbjnltx said  I've found that meditation has helped me better deal with stress.

The day after this insightful correspondence he was angry again because we could not afford his medicine. He breaks out in clusters of cysts without Humira so right now he is in a lot of pain. Some of his bad mood is understandable. I just wish I was not his scapegoat. The medicine itself is stressful for me. Humira caused the death of my daughter.

I am very sorry that your daughter died Butterfly Girl. Losing a child is never easy. Since the exact same medication your son is using now caused your daughter's death, I can totally understand how this would trigger you. Do you feel like you've been able to properly mourn the death of your daughter?

Good news,  I just bought the book "Walking on Eggshells" and can't wait to read it.

When it comes to dealing with BPD, knowledge truly is power so this is good news indeed!

[Butterflygirl]

Thank you all for your support and advice. I have learned a lot and I feel inspired.

Namaste