Hello everyone,
It's been awhile since I have posted over this forum.After what happened with my ex bod bf I.e the b/u I needed some away,so I want on a trip with my friends and it really helped and I am much much better now.
I think I have went through all the phases of detachment and now I am more like at the acceptance phase.Finally out of the BPD maze.
My ex bodbf asked for a loan while we were on relationship it was around 3000K,so I lent him the money.he promised me to return the loan in April but as I was in NC with him so he didn't say anything and I didn't asked.
Last month when I felt that I am in much better shape and can maintain LC,I asked him about the money which he promised to return in 1st of this month but that wasn't just it he started asking question about my love life and if I m seeing anyone but I ignored the question as I know it would open the pandora box.
He kept texting but when I didn't replied he finally stopped.
As the 1st of June passed and he didn't rerun me the loan,he texted me again last night that he will return the Loan in July to which I said ok .
After that he started questioning about my whereabouts or if I m seeing anyone?whrn I ignored he said that 'why won't I talk to him what wrong has he done'?
He said that he loves me and that Ithe reason that we broke up on the first place but when I still didn't reply he started blackmailing that if I didn't reply he's going robot give me back the loan or he will call my brother and cause a scene for me... .
To which I replied that I am sorry but I can't talk to you he asked for a reason but I didn't reply.
I just texted him my account number and asked him to deposit the money whenever it's feasible to him the final month is July and that I won't contact him regarding the loan anymore,afterward I just said bye... .
He kept asking for a reason but I didn't reply... .
What I did... .was it right ?was I suppose to confront him?he cheated on me lied consistently.took money from me,made a complete fool of me in front of my family and friends,broke my trust ... .took for granted and tortured me to death by his dirty sick games.
When he b/u with me I had sever anxiety,for which I was under treatment for almost a month to get over and gain my self confidence which was completely shattered.
I just stayed quite because I followed advice here at boards that no contact or LC is absolutely if you want to heal... .so I followed but what about closure ... .I have so many questions that I wanted him to answer... .he wants to be back but why should I let him?
This time he went to far I can't just let it go!
I don't know weather I want talk to him because I want closure or because I want to fix things between us,all I know is that I have been hurt too much and I m still am.
I still love him... .why because I know his heart and its a good one and I have simply invested alot of myself and my emotions with him but it doesn't change anything ... .
I m too weak to deal with him because I simply live him too much,it's hard to contain.
I can't regulate my emotions around him,I m so overwhelmed with feelings when I m with him.
I don't know what kind of advice am I looking for now?
Just some insight on this... .is this also a part of detaching and leaving like all the other phases.
Even know over texts when I was talking to him,I was so scared that he might hurt me,I felt drained after talking to him... .
Thankyou for listening
