Replaced by my stepbrother

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Three months ago I get a call from my D21 who tells me that my stepbrother has been talking on the phone with my UWBPD for “hours and hours” during the past month.  I confirmed this with all the players who said it was all very innocent.  My stepbrother said he was just trying to talk her into reconciling with me and my UWBPD told me “he was so lonely" and she was trying to help him get through his own divorce.

I became angry enough at the whole thing that I told her I was ready to divorce.  Then a curious thing happened, for the first time since we separated a year before, my UWBPD became willing to  try and reconcile with me.  I think this was about her fear of abandonment but my stepbrother  was (we are not speaking) certain it was because of his efforts.  I agreed  to try and work on our marriage as long as she did not pursue any relationship with any man and she agreed.  My stepbrother also agreed to not contact her anymore.

So we go through six weeks of an attempt at reconciliation.  During that time I was reintroduced to everything that caused me to ask for a separation the year before.  There was her terrible raging at me, the non-stop push/pull roller coaster, the inevitable  Jekyll/Hyde dynamics, and the brutal devaluations. However, this did not slow me down and I was again determined to sacrifice my soul to be in a relationship with her.

By the grace of God, what finally saved me was finding out that the two had been carrying on with an emotional affair during the entire reconciliation period.  They had been talking for hours every night.  When I confronted each of them I was told multiple lies right to my face.  They did not count on the fact that I had access to all the phone logs so I knew exactly what the call activity was. 

Initially I was deeply hurt and felt an extreme sense of abandonment and betrayal.  This caused me to begin no contact.  As of yesterday I have been in no contact status with her for 3 weeks and I am actually starting to detach for the first time in 30 years.  I have come to view their relationship as a blessing from God.  I would not have been able to emotionally detach from her had I not experienced her lies, deceit, and betrayal all done surrounding a relationship with a man I loved more than my biological brothers.

Has anyone else been  replaced by a family member or close friend?  If so, I would love to hear your story.

[Forever12]

Three months ago I get a call from my D21 who tells me that my stepbrother has been talking on the phone with my UWBPD for “hours and hours” during the past month.  I confirmed this with all the players who said it was all very innocent.  My stepbrother said he was just trying to talk her into reconciling with me and my UWBPD told me “he was so lonely" and she was trying to help him get through his own divorce.

I became angry enough at the whole thing that I told her I was ready to divorce.  Then a curious thing happened, for the first time since we separated a year before, my UWBPD became willing to  try and reconcile with me.  I think this was about her fear of abandonment but my stepbrother  was (we are not speaking) certain it was because of his efforts.  I agreed  to try and work on our marriage as long as she did not pursue any relationship with any man and she agreed.  My stepbrother also agreed to not contact her anymore.

So we go through six weeks of an attempt at reconciliation.  During that time I was reintroduced to everything that caused me to ask for a separation the year before.  There was her terrible raging at me, the non-stop push/pull roller coaster, the inevitable  Jekyll/Hyde dynamics, and the brutal devaluations. However, this did not slow me down and I was again determined to sacrifice my soul to be in a relationship with her.

By the grace of God, what finally saved me was finding out that the two had been carrying on with an emotional affair during the entire reconciliation period.  They had been talking for hours every night.  When I confronted each of them I was told multiple lies right to my face.  They did not count on the fact that I had access to all the phone logs so I knew exactly what the call activity was. 

Initially I was deeply hurt and felt an extreme sense of abandonment and betrayal.  This caused me to begin no contact.  As of yesterday I have been in no contact status with her for 3 weeks and I am actually starting to detach for the first time in 30 years.  I have come to view their relationship as a blessing from God.  I would not have been able to emotionally detach from her had I not experienced her lies, deceit, and betrayal all done surrounding a relationship with a man I loved more than my biological brothers.

Has anyone else been  replaced by a family member or close friend?  If so, I would love to hear your story.

[Arcturus81]

Sorry to hear about your experience Forever12. I can relate. During my initial BU with my DBPDexgf I had a great friend whom I had been friends with for over 20 years. We went to school together, I was the best man at his wedding, I was there during the birth of his first child. I had his back on numerous occasions and had even bailed him out of jail once. Well once the relationship with my ex ended naturally I sought solace from this friend of mine. I told him every detail on how I felt and how heartbroken I was. He mentioned that he ran into my ex at a gas station and that she requested that I had some things of hers that I forgot to give back. I did indeed find these things (one pair of shoes) that I honestly didn't know I had because they were stuffed so far back in the closet. I dropped them off to her and she told me thank you and asked how my current GF and I were doing. I was shocked and confused because I didn't have a current GF. She then proceeded to tell me that my friend had been texting her for a long time (even pre breakup) and that he told her that I was seeing someone and that she should sleep with him to get back at me. Needless to say I did not believe it until she forwarded me all his texts. I know that they were his and not faked because they had info that only he knew. I was upset at both of them. She said that she never did anything with him but when I asked why keep it a secret all I got was silence. I confronted him and all I got was lies and denial.

I haven't spoke with either of them in 3 months. Since then I have learned that his wife is divorcing him and gaining full custody of the child and he is paying alimony out the wazoo. She was already seeing someone else before we broke up (ex marine with ptsd and currently separated from his wife). Doubt it will last long for her, I had a recycle attempt about a week ago but I maintained NC.

It took me 20 years to see what kind of friend he was. I called him brother. Now he is going through his own disaster on his own. I know that his life will be worse without me in it as I was really his last friend. He deserves whatever happens.

On a happy note, I have had new and amazing people come into my life. I have made new friends and meet plenty of great people. I don't need that trash weighing me down because I have moved on to bigger and better things and you will too.