Also, he uses the term validate and invalidate, but I'm getting the sense that he may not really realize what that means. Just like how when I asked him how he wanted me to "have his back" he gave me some weirdness about not wanting me to feel a certain way when he spends time with his kids who hate me. Uhm, he doesn't get to tell me how to feel! In a way, it's almost like he has a comprehension issue at times, although he is smart.
I wonder if I should ask him what "validate" means to him? He may be feeling invalidated, because to him, that just means I have to agree with him on everything, which is sort of the sense I got from our short conversation about it.
Honestly... .I wouldn't be surprised if this is common in the beginning.
First of all during a fight, my pwBPD told me that he wishes I was more 'mindful' and 'self aware' and I just stared at him and almost laughed out loud. I did ask, what do those words mean to you.
Then he also implied that if I know anything about BPD, I should be able to understand and excuse all of his behaviors. Again... .That's not quite how it works.
I'd say, it takes time to understand these concepts. These might simply be things that he's never considered so it's hard for him to recognise it. He's expecting you to be his primary experiment in validation and wants to project what he is learning onto you? As in he is still not capable of admitting blame for anything and thus needs a scapegoat.
With time, that might change slowly. Just be patient. And come back here to lay out your frustrations. No one understands better than people here.
