Here we go again with another Facebook fake profile and friend request

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This is ridiculous now.  I received a Facebook friend request over the weekend.  The name wasn't familiar, however I accepted as a friend of mine was already friends with the person.  Not only that, the person said on their profile that they were a former employee at my company.  

I now find out that it is yet another fake profile... .number 6 for me since I deleted the BPD (ex best friend) from my from account!  There are a couple of things on the profile as well as the timing of the newly created account that point to the BPD being behind it - just like the previous ones.  My profile is private - only friends of friends can send a request, hence her adding my friend first.  The pwBPD does know my friend.      

The last friend request from a fake account was back in February.  We still work for the same company, however I've stayed away from her for the last few weeks.  She's not made direct contact with me and is wrapped up with her new shiny.

I'm getting so annoyed by this.  I actually thought (hoped) it had stopped for good as it's been a few months.  Why oh why is she starting again  Wouldn't she be too busy with the shiny toy?  It's so incredibly annoying!  And believe me... .it's also taking all of my strength to remain radio silent on this

But, one positive out of this is the fact that it is turning me more and more off her  It's speeding up my detachment process.  Hooray

[Hadlee]

This is ridiculous now.  I received a Facebook friend request over the weekend.  The name wasn't familiar, however I accepted as a friend of mine was already friends with the person.  Not only that, the person said on their profile that they were a former employee at my company.  

I now find out that it is yet another fake profile... .number 6 for me since I deleted the BPD (ex best friend) from my from account!  There are a couple of things on the profile as well as the timing of the newly created account that point to the BPD being behind it - just like the previous ones.  My profile is private - only friends of friends can send a request, hence her adding my friend first.  The pwBPD does know my friend.      

The last friend request from a fake account was back in February.  We still work for the same company, however I've stayed away from her for the last few weeks.  She's not made direct contact with me and is wrapped up with her new shiny.

I'm getting so annoyed by this.  I actually thought (hoped) it had stopped for good as it's been a few months.  Why oh why is she starting again  Wouldn't she be too busy with the shiny toy?  It's so incredibly annoying!  And believe me... .it's also taking all of my strength to remain radio silent on this

But, one positive out of this is the fact that it is turning me more and more off her  It's speeding up my detachment process.  Hooray

[.cup.car]

A while back my ex made herself a third twitter account.

Has me blocked on the two other ones (and I did the same), yet not on this new one. What the heck?

I don't even know what she's gaining from creeping my twitter profile. I don't see how a 20 year old girl whos hobbies are working out, drinking, and cooking would be interested in reading my 140-character complaints about NASCAR.

Its just weird. IDK what they're trying to accomplish.

[Hadlee]

LOL yeah it's annoying!

That's crazy to have three twitter accounts.  Mind boggling stuff

I only deleted mine from Facebook.  I'm tempted to block her, but don't want to draw any attention to myself

Interesting to note about my latest 'friend'.  I deleted the profile a few hours ago.  Low and behold - the account has been deactivated.  Just like all the others.

So frustrating!

[emancipated]

Is this how they keep tabs without actually reaching out to u? I have also received a couple of friend request over the last couple months and had no idea who these people were... I think the next time I'll respond with hello Angela and see what happens

[Hadlee]

Hahahaha I thought of doing the same thing

Yeah, the accounts are always newly created with no or very few friends.  I believe it is a way of reaching out without doing it directly.  Perhaps also to keep the attachment alive

I just cannot believe how mine upped the anti this time by putting on their profile they are a former employee where I work.  I fell for it too.  It's the only one I accepted out of all of them.  My guard dropped after not receiving anything for 4 months.  Guess there is a lesson in that

[emancipated]

I guess I just don't understand to leave well enough alone... I mean she made it clear this new guy walks on water and I'm the Antichrist... I'm finally in a decent place ... if uve got something to say ... say it she won't hurt me more than she already has

[Infared]

LOL yeah it's annoying!

That's crazy to have three twitter accounts.  Mind boggling stuff

I only deleted mine from Facebook.  I'm tempted to block her, but don't want to draw any attention to myself

Interesting to note about my latest 'friend'.  I deleted the profile a few hours ago.  Low and behold - the account has been deactivated.  Just like all the others.

So frustrating!

Crazy is what crazy does. All we can do is recognize it, connect with our true selves, stay calm and not react. She is looking for a reaction. She wants "action". (Like someone who gambles). If we engage, then we are swept up in her negative energy and part of her self-centered crazy making. If we do not engage we take care of us and leave them in their mess.

When I do not engage in my exes nonsense and victim playing I now feel a sense of calm and self love.

[Hadlee]

Great advice, Infared.  Thank you once again

You are definitely right about feeling a sense of calm when we don't react or engage.  I understand that now.

@emancipated - I completely agree with this... .

if uve got something to say ... say it

. But, as we know, things that make sense to us don't really apply to a pwBPD.  Sad... .but true.  

[Infared]

Great advice, Infared.  Thank you once again

You are definitely right about feeling a sense of calm when we don't react or engage.  I understand that now.

@emancipated - I completely agree with this... .

if uve got something to say ... say it

. But, as we know, things that make sense to us don't really apply to a pwBPD.  Sad... .but true.  

Yes... .any reaction, negative or positive is a win for an unhealthy person when they set up these baiting situations. . It's all about the "action".  It's not normal or healthy and it is extremely self-centered. The web is a GREAT tool for these unhealthy "games".

[zipline]

Yes... .any reaction, negative or positive is a win for an unhealthy person when they set up these baiting situations. . It's all about the "action".  It's not normal or healthy and it is extremely self-centered. The web is a GREAT tool for these unhealthy "games".

This is interesting.  I had two clearly fake female FB accounts try to friend me in the past four weeks. I didn't think anything of it and just declined. I won't read too much into it. HOWEVER, my ex seems to have a good ability to show up at places and events that I'm at, when they really seem to be out of her interests.  It's a free country, but still it bothers me.  Sometimes I leave, sometimes I stay and ignore her.

After my dad's funeral in April, I emailed my ex and told her I missed her. She replied that there was nothing she could do about it and don't contact her again. Fine. I get it.  But then like three days later, she shows up at an event I'm co-organizing, all dolled up, ready to party. She runs into me in the stairwell and says "Hey! How Aaaare you?" I said "Good, thanks" and walked out the door. I got outside and I was f***ing shaking. I did what I needed to do for the event and left. The next night she shows up at a major event that I've been planning for 6 months -- I can't leave, I have to stay until the end. She knows this. I'm trapped. She's there with her friends, dancing, laughing. I was really upset, but ignored her.

I bring this up, because I am still reacting. It still gets in my head. I don't engage her. I put on a good face. But I'm pissed because I still feel like she's getting to me. I have no idea what's going through her mind, but I feel manipulated.    

[Hadlee]

I bring this up, because I am still reacting. It still gets in my head. I don't engage her. I put on a good face. But I'm pissed because I still feel like she's getting to me. I have no idea what's going through her mind, but I feel manipulated.    

I understand that fully!  It's difficult to remain calm and not react to passive aggressive or acting out behavior.  It takes time to get to the stage where you can depersonalize their antics.  I wouldn't say I'm completely there yet, but I am getting there.  You will too

I'm sorry to hear what your ex said to you after your dad's passing.  Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's passing  

[Dutched]

Hadlee, something I don’t get I think.

You got a FB friend request, briefly checked if there were mutual ‘friends’, colleagues and accepted?

Accepted despite you don’t know the person?

For yourself, I guess by being more selective you could have avoided a lot annoyance.

[Dutched]

After my dad's funeral in April, I emailed my ex and told her I missed her. She replied that there was nothing she could do about it and don't contact her again. Fine. I get it.  But then like three days later, she shows up at an event I'm co-organizing, all dolled up, ready to party. She runs into me in the stairwell and says "Hey! How Aaaare you?" I said "Good, thanks" and walked out the door. I got outside and I was f***ing shaking. I did what I needed to do for the event and left. The next night she shows up at a major event that I've been planning for 6 months -- I can't leave, I have to stay until the end. She knows this. I'm trapped. She's there with her friends, dancing, laughing. I was really upset, but ignored her.

I bring this up, because I am still reacting. It still gets in my head. I don't engage her. I put on a good face. But I'm pissed because I still feel like she's getting to me. I have no idea what's going through her mind, but I feel manipulated.    

Ex entered your comfort zone, causing your reaction.

If it happens again:

Immediately ask yourself ‘why is that feeling come up’

Tell yourself, to deflect the feeling, ‘it is MY event’ (or whatever), ‘MINE alone and MY joy in doing this’

Distract yourself whit a happy thought, all that distracts.

Distract yourself to really concentrate to the joyful part of whatever you are doing.

Memory must be processed so there is some time needed to embed in your brain. Although easier said than done, try it in order to make it cognitive behaviour for your brain every time that ex shows up.

[greenmonkey]

Since I evicted my uBPDexgf out in November, I have had a lot of fake FB profiles look at my profile, all brand new, no friends, no photographs. I have also had her 'friends' check me out too.

After I moved I deleted my old email address she had, blocked on the phone etc, basically cut all methods of communication for my mental health and sanity.

I have two FB profiles, one for work and a personal one, both are on total lockdown, and have no picture of me. You can only message if you are a friend of a friend or add me the same way. Knowing this she created a fake FB profile and tried to add my daughter - as she knew she was on my friends list and dis not know anyone else.

I have logged all incidences, luckily my daughter is very clued up and did not accept it, she instead sent me a picture of the profile etc, which has now been logged.

After that failed, she has now tried to call my daughters phone with No Caller ID numbers.

I have also had CCTV put up as an extra safeguard, as I am expecting a visit in the near future

This is nearly 8 months since I last saw/communicated with her.

[zipline]

I'm sorry to hear what your ex said to you after your dad's passing.  Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's passing   

Thank you. It's been a difficult transition for my whole family. I appreciate your support.  

[zipline]

Ex entered your comfort zone, causing your reaction.

If it happens again:

Immediately ask yourself ‘why is that feeling come up’

Tell yourself, to deflect the feeling, ‘it is MY event’ (or whatever), ‘MINE alone and MY joy in doing this’

Distract yourself whit a happy thought, all that distracts.

Distract yourself to really concentrate to the joyful part of whatever you are doing.

Memory must be processed so there is some time needed to embed in your brain. Although easier said than done, try it in order to make it cognitive behaviour for your brain every time that ex shows up.

Great advice. Thank you.