BPD ex leaves me 4 months after buying house/ now "in love"

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all ,

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I truly hope I get some answers.

I posted before but didn't hear much but so much has changed (BPD ex... I am sure I had that coming)

Long story short, we bought a home together 4 months ago after being together for 2 and a half years. The relationship was always up and down. He would feel amazing and in love one day telling me I was his "gift" and "Prince Charming" and then the next day he would call me fake and say that I didn't respect him and I was going to cheat and I was disgusting and he deserved better but then that night would say "Babe, don't let me get crazy like that... .I love you just always make me believe I am right"

With all of the emotional abuse (the name calling, the making me feel unimportant, the talking sh*t about my family and friends, my job, other men would do so much more, why couldn't he have this expensive bracelet or ring or coat) there were days he made me feel amazing and I longed for them always.

We ended it about a month ago. He booked himself a flight to Italy last week for 2 and a half days to "get away" and wasn't going to tell me. I have been living at home and he at our house which he purchases from me this week (he wants to stay in my hometown, which he moved to for me, and never knew until I introduced him to it, even though his family is 3000 miles away... .) but I found out through a credit card statement and called him out on it. He got all mad, calling me a stalker, crazy, obsessed... .He gave me the password himself when we were together.

Anyway, he went, and I heard nothing from him before (I went NC and it seems he cant go more than 5 days until he texts me about "something important" I use one word answers. While there he sent me a LONG message randomly about how lost he was and how he made a mistake and he ruined something good but he was right making the breakup happen because he ruined us and wished he could take my pain away blah blah. I almost felt some validation UNTIL I found out he has been telling people he is IN LOVE and met someone and has never been happier. He even bought the person a VERY expensive gift (never bought me a thing haha)

So I found out, confirmed it (with my own eyes) and he denies, denies denies and calls me a stalker and sick and obsessed and ill. The only thing is... .the "new" guy is a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL! MY ex is 26! I cannot believe this. He has always wanted a man to take care of him but NOW he is taking care of someone who is 9 years younger... .it is gross (I am 27). It is someone who worked for him.

I know he's a bad person with a mental illness but can I get some advice? This new "love" how can it be real? I know it will fall apart, I just want to be strong enough to handle it if he tries to come back and recycle me... .

I feel like I have been hit with a shovel in the face, I am shocked and have so many emotions. HELP!

Thank you  :'(

[range4days]

Hello all ,

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I truly hope I get some answers.

I posted before but didn't hear much but so much has changed (BPD ex... I am sure I had that coming)

Long story short, we bought a home together 4 months ago after being together for 2 and a half years. The relationship was always up and down. He would feel amazing and in love one day telling me I was his "gift" and "Prince Charming" and then the next day he would call me fake and say that I didn't respect him and I was going to cheat and I was disgusting and he deserved better but then that night would say "Babe, don't let me get crazy like that... .I love you just always make me believe I am right"

With all of the emotional abuse (the name calling, the making me feel unimportant, the talking sh*t about my family and friends, my job, other men would do so much more, why couldn't he have this expensive bracelet or ring or coat) there were days he made me feel amazing and I longed for them always.

We ended it about a month ago. He booked himself a flight to Italy last week for 2 and a half days to "get away" and wasn't going to tell me. I have been living at home and he at our house which he purchases from me this week (he wants to stay in my hometown, which he moved to for me, and never knew until I introduced him to it, even though his family is 3000 miles away... .) but I found out through a credit card statement and called him out on it. He got all mad, calling me a stalker, crazy, obsessed... .He gave me the password himself when we were together.

Anyway, he went, and I heard nothing from him before (I went NC and it seems he cant go more than 5 days until he texts me about "something important" I use one word answers. While there he sent me a LONG message randomly about how lost he was and how he made a mistake and he ruined something good but he was right making the breakup happen because he ruined us and wished he could take my pain away blah blah. I almost felt some validation UNTIL I found out he has been telling people he is IN LOVE and met someone and has never been happier. He even bought the person a VERY expensive gift (never bought me a thing haha)

So I found out, confirmed it (with my own eyes) and he denies, denies denies and calls me a stalker and sick and obsessed and ill. The only thing is... .the "new" guy is a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL! MY ex is 26! I cannot believe this. He has always wanted a man to take care of him but NOW he is taking care of someone who is 9 years younger... .it is gross (I am 27). It is someone who worked for him.

I know he's a bad person with a mental illness but can I get some advice? This new "love" how can it be real? I know it will fall apart, I just want to be strong enough to handle it if he tries to come back and recycle me... .

I feel like I have been hit with a shovel in the face, I am shocked and have so many emotions. HELP!

Thank you  :'(

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey range-

I'm sorry you're going through all of that, it seems painful.  What specifically would you like advice about?  Have you read up on the disorder and become convinced that your ex exhibits traits?

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Range,

    I am very sorry to hear you are going through this    I think buying a house (which is a committment) was a trigger for your ex.

I just got dumped before a huge overseas vacation... .for someone else. My ex does not do well on vacations (always breaks up) but we actually made it through one, last year.

Intimacy and lack of intimacy are triggers for this disorder.  How the heck are we able to balance that? They contradict.

Has your ex left you for replacements before?

There are a lot of patterns a person with BPD tends to follow. I posted about patterns today (check it out). Sometimes the best indicator of future behavior is past behaviors.

You will see a lot of similar patterns on this site, in people's stories. Characters different but plot the same.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Another person on here is experiencing something similar... .just bought a house and he bolted.  He leaves her in  May each time... .see, patterns.

You truly deserve better than this and I know you are suffering.

Keep posting. We are here for you.


PW