my BPD daughter

[dcran]

Hi, I am new to this.  I have a 31 year old daughter who is BPD.  Every year she blows up about something.  She blames me for everything.  I was a divorced single mom who raised her by myself.  Yesterday she posted on facebook that she has never hated me as much as she does not and she has hated me for 31 years.  She has two children I know she will isolate me from.  The verbal abuse has been going on for 15 years.  I am ready to totally let go.  I have an apt with a lawyer this week to make a will, excluding her.  She creates drama for everyone.  Any suggestions?  Similar experiences?

Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[trytrytry]

Hi dcran,

Your story sounds so familiar.  I have a 29 year old daughter with BPD/alcoholism/anorexia/... .

It's a difficult journey to say the least.  I have found so many wonderful tools (see right) to use when dealing with my daughter.  I also feel heard at this site in a way no others can hear me.  We share a common denominator with our BPD children.  Alanon is also a big help.

Best wishes on you journey through this madness.  There is much hope here.

[madmom]

 Welcome dcran, I hope you will find as much help and support here as I have.  It sounds like you are at your wits end, and I don't blame you---dealing with a child with BPD will cause the best of us to say and do things we can't even imagine.  There have been times that I didn't even recognize myself.   There is so much hope however, and the key to this, believe it or not, will be to change YOU.   I learned that when I worked on myself using the tools and lessons you see on the right hand side of this site my relationship with my daughter totally changed.  I found out I wasn't using empathy and validation.  I needed to use SET and to stop enabling my child.   I also learned some radical acceptance for her and her disease.  I went through a mourning period where I finally realized that my dreams for her were not necessarily going to come true, and that was OK.  Today, I am here to offer you hope.  I have a relationship with my 27 year old daughter that I wouldn't have thought possible.   As I changed and explained to her that I was going to be working on myself and that I knew I had made mistakes in the past, and would probably make more in the future but that I was going to work on me, and she saw me doing just that, she started to change.  It truly is an answer to my prayers in so many ways.  Please keep coming back and telling us more about you and how your story progresses.  You are not alone, you will not be judged or blamed.  Best wishes---Madmom

[momcass]

I am currently in mourning. My 15 yo daughter is Borderline and not diagnosed. she is diagnosed "high emotionality" however in DBT treatment.

Long long story and i went thru this with her father until I divorced 14 years ago.

ah such relief.

then to find that my baby girl has BPD, wow what a soul crusher.

I think things that most would not understand and judge me for.

I have been practicing mindfulness and acceptance and it is allowing more peace. The lid popped in January and from then until now I have fought hard. Now I realize this is the way it is and I have to believe and have hope this is for a purpose.

the daughter I carried and nursed and held close and who was my constant companion is no longer. I mourn the loss now and know that I have to take care of myself and do all that I can in the process to make sure she gets what she needs without losing myself.

She has a beautiful soul and her pain is so great she is not willing to show that to the world.

I have to believe there is hope and a possibility.