Can getting married be a trigger?

[Devaluedman]

I've already posted about my situation--that I was discarded a few weeks after I got married to my exBPD.  She became depressed and anxious. This was before we were really fighting.  The fighting occurred after she devalued me. So, I'm wondering if we had stayed unmarried things would have turned our differently?

[zipline]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been discarded, especially right after the wedding. That must really hurt.  Turned out differently in the sense that you would have "been together" for longer, perhaps. But from what I'm reading on this board, splitting being painted black will happen eventually. My understanding is that life is a constant trigger for a pwBPD. And you'll never know which one is the one that sets off the split. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, getting married can trigger the disorder.  Borderlines have the conflicting fears of abandonment and engulfment, the driving forces behind the push/pull behavior, and if getting married meant a step closer to engulfment for her, then she would push you away, as a survival-based defense mechanism and an attempt to regulate emotions she couldn't deal with otherwise.

Very painful Devalued, and it's impossible to tell if not getting married would have changed things, although the behavior she would exhibit if she was triggered by fear of engulfment by something else would probably look similar.