Rebuilding trust with yourself and a pwBPD after the breakup...

[valet]

Hey everyone, haven't posted on this side of the boards for a while.

I had a crucial realization in regards to a pending friendship with my uBPDex yesterday, something that I had known for a while but never really settled through in my mind.

I do not trust her, and she does not trust me. I know that I cannot control her level of trust in me, but I'm wondering that if I bring this topic to the forefront of the conversation it could change things. Obviously, any answer that she gives, verbally or behaviorally will grant me some sense of closure. I will either know that there is something to work towards (a friendship), or that now is the time to completely abandon ship and remove her from my active circle of friends.

This will be a slow process. I know this and I am prepared for it. But I can't just sit around and expect her to come to me when I was the one that wanted limited contact to help my healing. I have done that healing now, and my perspective has changed. I think that I am ready to bring her back into the fold, without having the romantic interest that I did before.

When I look at my close friendships, there is a basic unspoken level of trust to all of them. I feel that this is the barrier that I am up against. I want to trust her now, whereas before I didn't even realize that I had to for us to have any kind of a real friendship. I am afraid of taking this first step, though. I am afraid of telling her that I don't trust her, and that I want to change that. I am afraid of telling her the reason that I do not trust her is because I do not fully trust my own resolve in resisting her potentially advances, if she were to make any. I am afraid that I will have to put my foot down, and that we will not even be able to maintain a basic friendship, despite our wonderful time together.

She has been more than willing to meet with me thus far, and I with her. I know that she won't decline. But then again, this means that I actually have to say what I want to say.

So... .? How do I approach this? A simple meet-up request and conversation?

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