The disintegration of the Narssisists / pwBPD mind

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

OK so here is more nonsense from my ex. It is an email that I just received from an account I rarely use sent last Sunday. It shows the disintegration of the Narcissist's mind and it is down right frightening. I am only a week with no contact and I left her because of her devaluation and verbal abuse. The important thing is I left her because of her behavior and her refusal to try to listen to my side of things. No empathy. Here is the letter. I will perform a forensic analysis on it and look at how crazy it really is. If the intent is to get me back in to a relationship or to break NC then it failed miserably. The psychopathy is evident and did nothing more than affirm my decision to leave. Here goes nothing:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: Dxxxx Hxxxxxxxxx [mailto:]

Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 10:04 AM

To: Cxxxx My Lover Cxxxx

Subject: I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT FOR NOT TRUSTING ME

Honey!  why can't you see that you can trust me with your heart.

Now I think you hate me and we will never have the chance to grow old together.

That is always how I envisioned us... .together forever!

There is and has never been anybody else for me.

Why cant you see this?

ok, so now i do not know how to try any more.  It is up to you to try now.

Please try for us![/font]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ok so that is it Short and NOT SWEET. Given the backstory one would think that a normal person would extend an olive branch of sorts but look at the subject line: I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT FOR NOT TRUSTING ME

OK can someone love someone if the perceive them to be an idiot? I don't know. If I had a girlfriend I don't think I would want to be around her much if I thought they where an idiot. Now she does not say she thinks that I am idiot she boldly stated that I am being an idiot. I love you you are being an idiot. Can one really hold the two in ones mind and make any sense of this. Is this an appropriate way to try to open a channel of communication in a relationship. It is double think and nonsense. I LOVE YOU YOU ARE AN IDIOT. If the two ideas canceled each other out OK that is fine I suppose but they don't. They do create cognitive dissidence however. I need to point out that no I do not trust her but that is not why I left. I left because of the demeaning abuse and the lack of empathy and no conflict resolution. She does not see this at all. She knows that I do not trust her but has no clue as to why.

Honey!  why can't you see that you can trust me with your heart.



I cannot see that I can trust her with my heart because I don't have any reason to trust her. Not only that but I have many good reasons not to trust her.

Now I think you hate me and we will never have the chance to grow old together.

That is always how I envisioned us... .together forever!

Here is my little fairy tale romance in MY mind and here is a part you can play as an object or prop in this fantasy poor me because I made you hate me and I may not be able to live my little dream. Utter nonsense. So she conclude with:

There is and has never been anybody else for me.

Why cant you see this?

ok, so now i do not know how to try any more.  It is up to you to try now.

Please try for us!

This is just dribble it would seem. I do not know how to try anymore? OK. It is up to me to try now? Huh? What? Please try for us? Try what exactly?

Overall this letter demonstrated the disintegration of the narcissists / BPD mind. It is barely coherent and is adolescent if not childish. It can only be described as Bizarre. If anyone else cares to try and make  some sense of it have at it because I really cannot, other than to conclude that this person is truly seriously ill and that only because I have left the situation can I clearly see these things. Sadly I might have accepted this nonsense as proof that they cared for me on some level had I still been under their spell.  

[PlanetsBendBetweenUs]

OK so here is more nonsense from my ex. It is an email that I just received from an account I rarely use sent last Sunday. It shows the disintegration of the Narcissist's mind and it is down right frightening. I am only a week with no contact and I left her because of her devaluation and verbal abuse. The important thing is I left her because of her behavior and her refusal to try to listen to my side of things. No empathy. Here is the letter. I will perform a forensic analysis on it and look at how crazy it really is. If the intent is to get me back in to a relationship or to break NC then it failed miserably. The psychopathy is evident and did nothing more than affirm my decision to leave. Here goes nothing:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: Dxxxx Hxxxxxxxxx [mailto:]

Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 10:04 AM

To: Cxxxx My Lover Cxxxx

Subject: I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT FOR NOT TRUSTING ME

Honey!  why can't you see that you can trust me with your heart.

Now I think you hate me and we will never have the chance to grow old together.

That is always how I envisioned us... .together forever!

There is and has never been anybody else for me.

Why cant you see this?

ok, so now i do not know how to try any more.  It is up to you to try now.

Please try for us![/font]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ok so that is it Short and NOT SWEET. Given the backstory one would think that a normal person would extend an olive branch of sorts but look at the subject line: I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT FOR NOT TRUSTING ME

OK can someone love someone if the perceive them to be an idiot? I don't know. If I had a girlfriend I don't think I would want to be around her much if I thought they where an idiot. Now she does not say she thinks that I am idiot she boldly stated that I am being an idiot. I love you you are being an idiot. Can one really hold the two in ones mind and make any sense of this. Is this an appropriate way to try to open a channel of communication in a relationship. It is double think and nonsense. I LOVE YOU YOU ARE AN IDIOT. If the two ideas canceled each other out OK that is fine I suppose but they don't. They do create cognitive dissidence however. I need to point out that no I do not trust her but that is not why I left. I left because of the demeaning abuse and the lack of empathy and no conflict resolution. She does not see this at all. She knows that I do not trust her but has no clue as to why.

Honey!  why can't you see that you can trust me with your heart.



I cannot see that I can trust her with my heart because I don't have any reason to trust her. Not only that but I have many good reasons not to trust her.

Now I think you hate me and we will never have the chance to grow old together.

That is always how I envisioned us... .together forever!

Here is my little fairy tale romance in MY mind and here is a part you can play as an object or prop in this fantasy poor me because I made you hate me and I may not be able to live my little dream. Utter nonsense. So she conclude with:

There is and has never been anybody else for me.

Why cant you see this?

ok, so now i do not know how to try any more.  It is up to you to try now.

Please try for us!

This is just dribble it would seem. I do not know how to try anymore? OK. It is up to me to try now? Huh? What? Please try for us? Try what exactly?

Overall this letter demonstrated the disintegration of the narcissists / BPD mind. It is barely coherent and is adolescent if not childish. It can only be described as Bizarre. If anyone else cares to try and make  some sense of it have at it because I really cannot, other than to conclude that this person is truly seriously ill and that only because I have left the situation can I clearly see these things. Sadly I might have accepted this nonsense as proof that they cared for me on some level had I still been under their spell.  

[Hadlee]

Maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't read that as being crazy.  I read that as someone wanting your attention, wanting you to react, wanting you to reply.

I also read the subject line as an attention grabber, especially given the fact it's in all caps.

[EaglesJuju]

OK so here is more nonsense from my ex. It is an email that I just received from an account I rarely use sent last Sunday. It shows the disintegration of the Narcissist's mind and it is down right frightening.

I am confused on how the e-mail is frightening? From my perspective, I see someone begging and wanting you to respond.

[zipline]

It's frightening to me, but I know I'm projecting my experience into it. If I read your post right, I imagine this email counterpointed against your fresh memories of verbal abuse and devaluation, in which case it displays a complete inability to empathize by the mere fact that she never takes ownership of any of the negative dynamics in your relationship.

This is like when my ex would lay into me, rage in her eyes, because I was on a subway and couldn't get cell service to take her call, and then the next day say to the effect "I'm going to let this slide, because I love you -- it's up to you now." what the heck.

[valet]

Seems like she just wants your attention.

I know it might appear to be good self-validation to over-pyschoanalyze it, but be careful. You don't want this to become an obsession.

Best to just leave it for what it is, an e-mail from your ex. If you're choosing the NC route delete it and don't respond. Honestly, even if I was NC I wouldn't respond to something like that. You'd be debasing yourself.

[Loveofhislife]

Good morning, PB

I am the over analyzer of over analyzers, so I understand from where you come. If you haven't already, read the writings of member 2010 who explains that many of us who have found ourselves with BPD partners are "lonely children" who constantly seek to understand the WHY.

That particular character quality had professionally served me well as an analyst and evaluator but it really has bogged me down in relationships. I think it's part of the way I cling and don't let go. I think it's part of what makes things seem less horrifying and more controllable.

And yes, it easily becomes obsessive. It is the opposite of letting go and moving toward acceptance.

For what it's worth, yes--her language is highly manipulative and very child like. As Elton John sang, "I've Seen That Movie Too."

[PlanetsBendBetweenUs]

Thanks to all for their feedback. I agree that I am over analyzing this and that the longer I continue to do this the longer I will be stuck. I think that I am trying to second guess myself. To disown my conclusion that this person has serious issues and is in any case very toxic to me. It is indeed just another email and I can let it exercise power over me or not. By entertaining nonsense and mulling over it I am giving my power and my truth back over to her. I have done that for far too long. I did not respond. I wanted to. I wanted to put her in her place and make her see that her actions where wrong. Wasted effort and an exercise in frustration when directed at one without a conscious.

Thank you all again for your insight.