feeling weak.

[tossmeawaytoday]

3 years of the most insane and intense part of my life ended this past monday (I hope).

She was never dx, but admitted she had some craziness. I wasn't believing it when we went 0-100mph. There was no way, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She put me on a pedestal. Made me feel like a million bux. About a year later, she started the splitting, cheating, hot, cold, etc. Sucked me in big time with the most cleaver manipulation and mind games I have ever run into. I went from a strong successful man to a beat puppy. She sucked the soul out of me, caused me to question my sanity. I am even seeing a psychologist because of this co-dependancy I have developed. It's stupid. I am a wealthy man and have spent 10k+ on her just taking care of her. Then I am buying things I normally don't buy just because I was trying harder to win back her attention. I have purchased quarter million dollar exotic sports cars, etc. Just can't believe I have been pulling into this vortex.

I made the mistake of employing her in my company. She destroyed every relationship she had in there. I had to fire her and end the personal relationship. It came to a final straw for me because I caught her with her new man this past weekend. Now she is screwing with me via email. Making me feel guilty as ever. She obsessively sends me emails every 3 hours. Guilt tripping me and telling me she hates me. How I ruined her life and now she has no money. Now she is telling me her new man is threatening to leave her and I should have waited it out. I just got a new email with a picture from our last vacation together wishing me sweet dreams.

She is killing me. I don't know how to react. I want to tell her off. I also want to run back to her. I feel horrible. I have been ignoring her, but its so hard to keep this up.

[Allmessedup]

  Welcome to the boards toss me away,

I am so sorry you are going thru all of this.  It's hard to understand just what exactly happened.   You will learn a great deal reading the lessons here and posting on the boards.

It must be so hard getting countless emails from her when you are trying to even begin to comprehend what happened. Sometimes, especially in the beginning it can be easier to block those types of things (emails, texts, social media) so that you can get beyond the FOG enough to begin to heal. 

 It's a hard place you are in right now... .be gentle with yourself and take some time to read the lessons here.  It's a great first step to be seeing a T so that you can begin to unravel all the issues that came with (and caused) this relationship.

Amu