I vacated the house, moved a few hundred miles away to get her off my trail

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Thought I would introduce myself, I am 7 months no contact after a text book relationship with uBPD exgf.

The push/pulling, lying, criticism, 'the woe is me I am the victim", the Waif, totally incapable of managing life herself. She told me she suffered from depression, her ex husband was abusive, her ex gf was abusive. I now know that the actions she told me they did was in fact her, not them.

I was working 100 hours plus a week on a very lucrative contract, and she did zero in the house, she saw it as her ticket to go spend time with other women, in hotels.

She lied to my face numerous times, but eventually after living together for one year, and being subjected to both psychological, and emotional abuse and doing an acid test after reading these forums I asked her to leave.

I purposely run the money down so bills were not paid, she contributed zero to the house hold financially even though she was on a good salary and I am self employed. When confronted with these bills, she went off into a rage, and blamed me for not managing my money - at no time did she offer to pay the outstanding bills.

She then suggested that my house be sold so 'we' could live off the proceeds as there was no money.

She also came out with I cannot commit to you in any shape or form. but am I a beneficiary in your will. If you 'peg' it will me and my son be disowned by your grown up children, and will we be left homeless.

I gave her 6 weeks to leave - but The next day I found both my dogs running in the street and the day after a huge nail was embedded in one of the tyres in my bike. At this point two days in to 6 weeks of her notice, both myself and my grown up kids were concerned about what she would do next.

She then told me that she was going to a 'friend' to organise her spare room so she could lave stuff there. She left at 3 am.  I did sone snooping which I then found out she was in a relationship with a woman and had been apparently through the summer, and also I had been one of four women she had been playing off against each other for the last 3 years - I promptly changed the locks, and started putting her stuff in the garage.

She was already under police caution for aggressive/threatening behaviour and she had 7 days to remove her stuff from my house. her son did not live with us - so there were no issues regarding his welfare etc.

Three weeks later the final bit went and I went full blown No contact. Half the debts from our living together went to her and the authorities pursued her directly.

the stalking started within weeks of me throwing her out, she turned up all hours, ranting and raving, with her son, on her own. In the New Year I decided to remain in the house I could either install CCTV or else move.

I vacated the house a few months later and moved a few hundred miles away. In order to get her off my trail I made up a story that i knew she would believe. I deleted my email address she had used to communicate with me, and set up another one.

The Facebook stalking continues 7 months later, we have had silent calls to my daughters mobile, landline etc. my letterbox has been tampered with in the early hours.

I have a daily log of everything she has done, cyber and other wise. I also have CCTV set up as well. She tried to break No Contact a few days ago, but she is blocked on my phone, so did not register as a missed call, but notified of a voicemail (phone just put down).

If it escalates beyond cyber stalking then I will not hesitate to get the police involved. I would like to think she will get bored and go away. Does she have a shiny new toy ? I have no idea. I am not interested in her life in the slightest.

I am looking after me which is more important. I took up at cycling a year ago, to destress and escape the crazy. I have lost close to 4 stone, I am happy with whom I am, my life, I have an amazing job that I love and good friends - and no one can take that away from me. I still have a long way to go but my mind is clear, and I am well on the way to recovering from a year of hell.

[greenmonkey]

Thought I would introduce myself, I am 7 months no contact after a text book relationship with uBPD exgf.

The push/pulling, lying, criticism, 'the woe is me I am the victim", the Waif, totally incapable of managing life herself. She told me she suffered from depression, her ex husband was abusive, her ex gf was abusive. I now know that the actions she told me they did was in fact her, not them.

I was working 100 hours plus a week on a very lucrative contract, and she did zero in the house, she saw it as her ticket to go spend time with other women, in hotels.

She lied to my face numerous times, but eventually after living together for one year, and being subjected to both psychological, and emotional abuse and doing an acid test after reading these forums I asked her to leave.

I purposely run the money down so bills were not paid, she contributed zero to the house hold financially even though she was on a good salary and I am self employed. When confronted with these bills, she went off into a rage, and blamed me for not managing my money - at no time did she offer to pay the outstanding bills.

She then suggested that my house be sold so 'we' could live off the proceeds as there was no money.

She also came out with I cannot commit to you in any shape or form. but am I a beneficiary in your will. If you 'peg' it will me and my son be disowned by your grown up children, and will we be left homeless.

I gave her 6 weeks to leave - but The next day I found both my dogs running in the street and the day after a huge nail was embedded in one of the tyres in my bike. At this point two days in to 6 weeks of her notice, both myself and my grown up kids were concerned about what she would do next.

She then told me that she was going to a 'friend' to organise her spare room so she could lave stuff there. She left at 3 am.  I did sone snooping which I then found out she was in a relationship with a woman and had been apparently through the summer, and also I had been one of four women she had been playing off against each other for the last 3 years - I promptly changed the locks, and started putting her stuff in the garage.

She was already under police caution for aggressive/threatening behaviour and she had 7 days to remove her stuff from my house. her son did not live with us - so there were no issues regarding his welfare etc.

Three weeks later the final bit went and I went full blown No contact. Half the debts from our living together went to her and the authorities pursued her directly.

the stalking started within weeks of me throwing her out, she turned up all hours, ranting and raving, with her son, on her own. In the New Year I decided to remain in the house I could either install CCTV or else move.

I vacated the house a few months later and moved a few hundred miles away. In order to get her off my trail I made up a story that i knew she would believe. I deleted my email address she had used to communicate with me, and set up another one.

The Facebook stalking continues 7 months later, we have had silent calls to my daughters mobile, landline etc. my letterbox has been tampered with in the early hours.

I have a daily log of everything she has done, cyber and other wise. I also have CCTV set up as well. She tried to break No Contact a few days ago, but she is blocked on my phone, so did not register as a missed call, but notified of a voicemail (phone just put down).

If it escalates beyond cyber stalking then I will not hesitate to get the police involved. I would like to think she will get bored and go away. Does she have a shiny new toy ? I have no idea. I am not interested in her life in the slightest.

I am looking after me which is more important. I took up at cycling a year ago, to destress and escape the crazy. I have lost close to 4 stone, I am happy with whom I am, my life, I have an amazing job that I love and good friends - and no one can take that away from me. I still have a long way to go but my mind is clear, and I am well on the way to recovering from a year of hell.

[livednlearned]

Hi greenmonkey,

It's good that you're looking after yourself (congratulations on dealing with the stress by exercising!) and that so much in your life is working well. That counts for so much when there is a messy end to a difficult relationship.

I do think that giving no response can sometimes make things boring enough, and she may go away on her own. It's good that you have been documenting her activities and are taking safety measures. Where I live, her behavior might warrant a protective or restraining order. Is there something equivalent where you live?

We have a Family Law board that may be helpful to you should you want some peer support from members who have experienced similar issues, including cyberstalking. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

[Aussie0zborn]

I like your style - you're on top of it. Please stay there.

  When confronted with these bills, she went off into a rage, and blamed me for not managing my money - at no time did she offer to pay the outstanding bills.

Ofcourse she didn't. you owe them - they owe you nothing!

  She then suggested that my house be sold so 'we' could live off the proceeds as there was no money.

Yes, and as soon as the money finishes she'd be off with somebody else, leaving you in a sea of debt.

  She also came out with "I cannot commit to you in any shape or form. but am I a beneficiary in your will".

I believe that.

Yes, if the stalking escalates, report it. Don't forget the recent murder conviction of Jodi Arias who slashed her boyfriend Travis Alexander’s throat from ear to ear, stabbed him 29 times, and when he was clearly dead... .shot him in the face (just to ruin his good looks?). And then she calmly went off to have sex with the next guy she had lined up, as if nothing had happened.

What makes this even worse, she denied she was there, and when the evidence placed her there she then claimed masked bandits killed this squeaky clean Mormon boy, and when the evidence pointed to her doing it, she claimed self defence as a victim of abuse. And now she is selling T-shirts with the world "survivor" on them while on death row. They just don't stop.

Never underestimate the sense of abandonment they feel and be on your guard. So if police action is warranted, don't hesitate. Good luck.

[greenmonkey]

I work within the security industry, and luckily know a lot of people who can help.

I have looked at police involvement and as log as it is logged to will not give her attention she desperately craves.

If she turns up at my door and rages it will be on CCTV, recorded and used by Police without my attendance needed for court, at which point all the other documentation gets handed over - nearly 8 months worth !

I am hoping she will get bored and leave me alone, but her ex husband checked my FB out yesterday so she clearly has me on her mind still.

My house if Fort Knox and is covered in security lights and CCTV, my home and my family are more important than anything else and I will do what is needed to protect them.