BPD mother

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I think borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder are two sides of the same coin. My mother has BPD, but I was only able to fully understand the damage she had done to me by watching videos about narcissistic parents on YouTube. Once I understood, the guilt and confusion I felt about my family finally went away. So for those of you who are looking for answers, looking into narcissistic parents might help ... .

I used to have BPD too, as a result of my upbringing. I used to think it was some kind of genetic illness. I never took any pills for it, but I did years of therapy. Once I understood that I had been brainwashed by my family to be that way, I became ''normal'', but it was a long, lonely and painful process... .about 10 years of efforts, give or take. I don't think BPD is an illness now, it's just the side effects of emotional child abuse. So I don't think any pill can cure it.

Apparently few people really ''recover'' from BPD. Maybe it's because facing the truth that your parents couldn't love you but probably enjoyed making you suffer is one of the worst pains one can ever feel. Much worse than cutting yourself, like so many BPDs do. I think they do it to focus on physical instead of emotional pain and also to punish themselves from all this guilt of not being ''good enough'' for their parents to love them. No matter what people say, you can feel whether your parents truly love you or not. And if they don't, it hurts deeply and the pain comes out one way or another. The truth hurts and most BPDs prefer living in painful denial than in extremely painful ''enlightenment''.

Anyways, BPDs/NPDs are very good liars, so to start with, the truth isn't easy to see in those families. Then when BPDs have children they just focus on fixing their kids' ''problems'' instead of their own. So the original issue is never resolved, but often passed on to the next generation. And then the parent goes: ''What is wrong with my kid? How can she treat me this way after all I've done for her?'' Well, it's like they say, what goes around comes around... .

All this to say, the only way I found to heal from my BPD mother is to accept that she doesn't love me and to cut off contact with her. So much for family therapy, but at some point you need to to cut off your losses.

[nomore12345]

I think borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder are two sides of the same coin. My mother has BPD, but I was only able to fully understand the damage she had done to me by watching videos about narcissistic parents on YouTube. Once I understood, the guilt and confusion I felt about my family finally went away. So for those of you who are looking for answers, looking into narcissistic parents might help ... .

I used to have BPD too, as a result of my upbringing. I used to think it was some kind of genetic illness. I never took any pills for it, but I did years of therapy. Once I understood that I had been brainwashed by my family to be that way, I became ''normal'', but it was a long, lonely and painful process... .about 10 years of efforts, give or take. I don't think BPD is an illness now, it's just the side effects of emotional child abuse. So I don't think any pill can cure it.

Apparently few people really ''recover'' from BPD. Maybe it's because facing the truth that your parents couldn't love you but probably enjoyed making you suffer is one of the worst pains one can ever feel. Much worse than cutting yourself, like so many BPDs do. I think they do it to focus on physical instead of emotional pain and also to punish themselves from all this guilt of not being ''good enough'' for their parents to love them. No matter what people say, you can feel whether your parents truly love you or not. And if they don't, it hurts deeply and the pain comes out one way or another. The truth hurts and most BPDs prefer living in painful denial than in extremely painful ''enlightenment''.

Anyways, BPDs/NPDs are very good liars, so to start with, the truth isn't easy to see in those families. Then when BPDs have children they just focus on fixing their kids' ''problems'' instead of their own. So the original issue is never resolved, but often passed on to the next generation. And then the parent goes: ''What is wrong with my kid? How can she treat me this way after all I've done for her?'' Well, it's like they say, what goes around comes around... .

All this to say, the only way I found to heal from my BPD mother is to accept that she doesn't love me and to cut off contact with her. So much for family therapy, but at some point you need to to cut off your losses.

[Kwamina]

Hi nomore12345 and welcome to bpdfamily

Being raised by a BPD parent is often very difficult for a child. Has your mother been officially diagnosed with BPD and/or ever gotten any targeted treatment for her issues?

You mention also having struggled with BPD yourself but through hard (and painful) work been able to get your own problems under control. Were you officially diagnosed with BPD?

BPD is a difficult disorder but there are definitely people who through hard work and commitment have been able to better manage their difficult thoughts and emotions and I am glad you were able to do this too

You mention having cut off contact with your mother. When did you go no contact with her? Did something specific happen that led to this decision or was it more the accumulation of everything you've been through?