Stipulation that I go to anger management

[Devaluedman]

 My exBPD tried a recycle move, but the stipulation was that I go to anger management and go through intensive therapy to deal with my "anger issues" and abusive personality.

I declined, of course. I am a MAN, I said. (Homie don't play that.)  

I have my balls back, and it feels good!

Anyone go through the same crap? You know, that they want severe "behavioral modification" as a stipulation for reconciliation?  Man, do these BPDs have frickin' gall.

[Gonzalo]

Mine was stranger - I insisted that we go to therapy, and when we finally split up she decided that the therapy had been purely to help my 'terrible' communication skills. Also she claimed that the therapist said that our problems were all because I couldn't communicate properly and that there was nothing wrong with her. (Which is not what a competent therapist working with a couple would say). Projection and 'feelings create facts' can lead to some weird stuff.

[going places]

I had a friend, who's ex went to a therapist, upon her request; because of his grossly inappropriate / abusive behavior.

It was just him, with a counselor/therapist.

After several visits... .he was diagnosed w/ a personality disorder.

This, infuriated him, as he was trying to project HER as the problem.

Things unraveled quickly.

Needless to say, he has left, and found someone who will succumb to his madness.

She is in the process of healing.

His therapist never met her, but he was text book PD, and it didn't take the therapist long to diagnose and order a course of treatment, a treatment that he chose not to adhere too... .

[Trog]

Yes, I got bought books about my anger management while simultaneously been told im the calmest person she knows. Maybe everyone she knows is just even angrier than me.

My ex & anyone = anger!

Amazingly no one before or since told me I have an anger problem neither my therapist who found the notion humorous but I must admit, of everyone i ever met, she sure made me the angriest ive ever been!

They like to treat their illness by focusing on the symptoms other people have when they are actingn crazy rather than addressing the huge elephant in the room; their glaring personality disorder.

Just give her the shove and tell her to jog on.

[Trog]

Mine also, so kindly, offered to go with me to therapy after our breakup 'just as friends' because she cares about my problems so much. What a sweetheart.

[Devaluedman]

Yeah, isn't it interesting that no one, including my friends and family, ever said I had an "anger problem"--yet my ex was absolutely certain I had a problem, and needed years of therapy in order to recover.

It is laughable. Projection, anyone?

But honestly it just makes me wanna   

[Trog]

Yeah, isn't it interesting that no one, including my friends and family, ever said I had an "anger problem"--yet my ex was absolutely certain I had a problem, and needed years of therapy in order to recover.

It is laughable. Projection, anyone?

But honestly it just makes me wanna   

Yes and what makes me hurl the most is i spent time reading that damn book to learn to hide my pain in the face of her abuse! Rather than her taking responsibility for her mental illness. Now THAT... .Makes me angry.

[Devaluedman]

 Yep, dude. These people are experienced predators. Most of the posters on this site are some of the most gentle people I have seen. And this is why the BPDers target us. I know my ex never put her previous bad boy boyfriends through the same roller coaster as she did to me. Wouldn't get away with that crap with a person who didn't care: the long line of her bad boys. So, they pick on us, the humane people. BPDers hate people with integrity because they have none themselves, so they have turn it around and destroy what they hate--which is oddly themselves.

That's why they need to demonize their prey, with accusation of "abuse" and "anger problems". You think a bad boy would stand for that? No way, man

[Trog]

Yes, her other long time exes were very sensitive and she has a long line of NC exes who she told me one day we're the devil and the next day that she loved them.

Anyway, it's over now. My top life priority is to recover fully from the pain and anxiety of being on high alert for 7 years. There are days lately where i experience such extreme peace in my soul it makes me cry. Im so thankful to be out of that relationship and enjoying learning about myself.

It's sad these people exist and sadder still that they, unlike us, really are not going to go onto a happy life or heal, they're doomed to repeat the same mistakes spreading pain and misery to their partners and children as they go. Well, f96k that. Im going to France tomorrow to hike from France to Spain, something is never had done had she not pounded my old self to dust.

[Lifewriter16]

My BPDxbf has often accused me of 'ranting' quite out of the blue. Now, I know I may be coming over as angry on occasion and I do see red on occasion and decide to give him a taste of his own medicine, but even when I have felt calm or have been trying really hard to soothe him, he still says I'm ranting. He suggested that I speak to someone about my anger issues, and during our last breakup, tried to set boundaries that he wouldn't contact me until I addressed the issues that were making me so angry with him.

The thing is, he is right. I am very angry with him. Almost everything that he says and does makes me angry these days because I fell for a lie and then felt obligated to stay because I had said I loved him and said I wouldn't leave him. He regularly promises me the earth when I know he just can't deliver and we will never have our 'happily ever after'. I left my husband because my BPDxbf gave me the courage to do so but that was all for nothing. So, now I am alone.

So... .I have addressed the thing that was making me so angry, as he asked me to, and told my BPDbf it was over.

Lifewriter

[NonBPDEx]

My exBPDgf wrote poetry. One day she told me that she had written dozens of poems about my anger.

I never got angry with her unless I was provoked, and even then it would be more withdrawal than outward anger, which of course would get her going even more.

I was shocked that she would see me as someone who was angry a lot.

Maybe one day her poetry will be published and I will be vilified as the ex with the serious anger issues... .

[Devaluedman]

Good for you Lifewriter.

I admit I was pissed too, but for good reason. My ex discarded me a month after we married.  This was the same person who claimed I was her soulmate and best friend.  Yes. I was pissed.  But who wouldn't be? Bpders are oblivious to our feelings. So, my so-called anger was used against me in order to make her look good and to demonize me. She didnt have to acknowledge how she hurt me and what she did.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Yep, dude. These people are experienced predators. Most of the posters on this site are some of the most gentle people I have seen. And this is why the BPDers target us. I know my ex never put her previous bad boy boyfriends through the same roller coaster as she did to me. Wouldn't get away with that crap with a person who didn't care: the long line of her bad boys. So, they pick on us, the humane people. BPDers hate people with integrity because they have none themselves, so they have turn it around and destroy what they hate--which is oddly themselves.

That's why they need to demonize their prey, with accusation of "abuse" and "anger problems". You think a bad boy would stand for that? No way, man

EXACTLY! Right on the mark.

[Circle]

Yeah, I went to anger management; 7 or 8 sessions for our relationship. I never laid a hand on her. Afterward, my exW/BPD punched me in the face and gave me a bloody nose. The following year, she beat her older father several times in the face, downed him and continued to hit him. Her mom had to intervene and drag her off. Now, her son and daughter are constantly hitting each other.