Over it? Yeah, sure...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My friend's birthday is this weekend. It's been six months since she suddenly ceased any and all communications with me, and about 4 months since I realized what had happened. I thought I was over her, and in my logical mind I am - the last year of our relationship/semi-affair was utter crap and I couldn't tolerate it any longer - but I still miss her terribly. Or at least one side of her; I realize she's not just that one smart and sweet opionated woman I loved to talk political philosophy with - she's the whole package that cancels meetings citing whatever excuses she can come up with, the one who refused to talk about where our relationship was heading, the one who claimed to have deep emotions for me but never did anything meaningful to back up her words - she's all that, yet in my heart I still miss her and the conversations we had.

I've been thinking about sending her birthday wishes, but I fear even if she read it, she'd think I was taking the piss or stalking her... .I think she would take it in in all the wrong ways. Losing her was hard - it's not like I have friends to spare - but unless she changed willingly, a continued relationship with her would've been worse. There too many things that were suspect, and so I could no longer trust her - we really had no future anymore, even if I did not realize it at the time. And yet I still hope I could meet that sweet woman I saw walking towards me over the green grass with the sun on her face on that one summer day again one day... .a vain hope, I know.

[confounded]

My friend's birthday is this weekend. It's been six months since she suddenly ceased any and all communications with me, and about 4 months since I realized what had happened. I thought I was over her, and in my logical mind I am - the last year of our relationship/semi-affair was utter crap and I couldn't tolerate it any longer - but I still miss her terribly. Or at least one side of her; I realize she's not just that one smart and sweet opionated woman I loved to talk political philosophy with - she's the whole package that cancels meetings citing whatever excuses she can come up with, the one who refused to talk about where our relationship was heading, the one who claimed to have deep emotions for me but never did anything meaningful to back up her words - she's all that, yet in my heart I still miss her and the conversations we had.

I've been thinking about sending her birthday wishes, but I fear even if she read it, she'd think I was taking the piss or stalking her... .I think she would take it in in all the wrong ways. Losing her was hard - it's not like I have friends to spare - but unless she changed willingly, a continued relationship with her would've been worse. There too many things that were suspect, and so I could no longer trust her - we really had no future anymore, even if I did not realize it at the time. And yet I still hope I could meet that sweet woman I saw walking towards me over the green grass with the sun on her face on that one summer day again one day... .a vain hope, I know.

[cosmonaut]

I'm sorry you are missing your friend so much.  I understand.  My ex broke up with me and cut absolutely all contact in the blink of an eye.  I haven't heard from her since, and it has been extremely difficult to deal with emotionally.  It hurts tremendously to lose someone we care about from our life like that, and the coldness with which it is done only makes it harder.  I'm sorry you are going through this too.

it's not like I have friends to spare - but unless she changed willingly, a continued relationship with her would've been worse.

I think this might be something to explore.  When a relationship this intense ends, it can leave a gaping hole in our life.  We are returned to the state before the relationship.  If we were missing other meaningful relationships before we met our ex, this can be devastating to be dumped back into this situation.  Do you feel like maybe this is one of the reasons that you are feeling so hurt?  Do you know what might have caused you to have been in the state you were before you met your ex?  Might be something worth thinking about.  It's very common that we felt we were missing something in our life before we met our ex.

[confounded]

If we were missing other meaningful relationships before we met our ex, this can be devastating to be dumped back into this situation.  Do you feel like maybe this is one of the reasons that you are feeling so hurt?

I'm essentially a high-functioning schizoid - I find it very difficult to relate to people, and vice versa. So, making real friends is extremely hard, but with her it seemed I didn't have to do much, she was so intensely interested in me. Losing her friendship occured at the same time as my other friends have had children (I have none), and some of them moved to the other side of the country - it's been a triple whammy of having a midlife crisis, losing touch with those few friends I have, and losing her friendship, such as it was. I think that if I didn't have my wife*, I would've flipped my lid by now.

^{* In our relationship, deep involvement with other people is up for negotiation - this mostly non-sexual affair with my friend occured with my wife's acceptance}

[confounded]

Managed not to send my friend birthday wishes, and quite frankly, didn't really even feel like it, not after writing the above posts. Instead, I went to the local park to fly a kite, which was more fun than I've had with her in the last couple of years. I suppose things like birthdays and anniveraries, etc. bring the memories to surface - but once past them, the pain subsides, and the hurt is less and less each time.

[UserName69]

You did the right thing, she doesn't deserve it but one day you'll meet someone who does. Mine ended everything too before he bday. When I think about it it only made me hate her and lost all respect I had for her.

You need to focus on yourself, you wont get her back and even if you did she'll be worse. I saw this coming before she dumped me so I was prepared. Forget your exBPD instead try to become a happy person.

And believe me I know a lot of girls and my exBPD is the most disgusting person I've ever met in my entire life. I think all pwBPD have nothing good to offer, instead go and find someone who does!