8 months later I got my closure... kinda... sorta...

[Invictus01]

Don't wanna rehash my story again but basically after about 5 months NC, 2.5 months ago she moved to a city much closer to me and we have stayed in very light contact, exchanging texts here and there. She kept on bringing up me coming over and us "catching up", I kept on postponing that. This weekend I had a trip planned to her new city. It really was planned before she moved, I wasn't about to cancel it.

Soo... .last night, I saw her for the first time in over 8 months. For the first time since last October when she dropped me off at the airport at 5 am... ."See you at Thanksgiving?" "Of course!"... .and that was it... .We had a dinner, worked through the initial awkwardness... .after a while, it was like nothing ever happened. A couple of my friends joined us, we just had a good time. And then all the sudden she had to go. So, I walked her to her car... .

I thought we would just hug and that would be it. She hugged me and just wouldn't let go. She would squeeze me tighter and tighter... .and then she whispered in my ear "I am really sorry. I really didn't mean to lead you on, I really didn't. I know it sounds completely crazy right now, but I really cherish our friendship." And that is when I just lost it and start crying on her shoulder. And she just wouldn't let me go. Not sure how long we were standing there but seemed like forever.

I am pretty sure this is as close to a closure as I'll ever get. There were no explanations offered, nothing. But at least I heard "I am sorry", I seriously didn't think she was capable of saying those words. And I think this was it for me. I don't think I'll ever see her again or talk to her again. It just hurts too much to see a woman I have such a great chemistry with, a woman I thought was my fairy tale princess. being incapable of being with me even though I can clearly see that I am not just her "friend".

[disillusionedandsore]

Oh boy,  none of this is easy is it?  Brave of you.   

[MickaThaKid]

Wow! That was very touching. Good on you

[jhkbuzz]

Wow... .how are you doing?

[Invictus01]

You know, I am not too bad. Probably because 8 months ago she simply scorched the life out of me. I feel numb, dead inside. I have had some hard break ups, but this one was just on a whole different level. So, I'm really still working through all that. But last night I actually saw something human in her. If nothing else, I wanted to hear her say sorry, I wanted to see SOMETHING that showed me that I wasn't a piece of trash to her that she threw away with the weekend garbage. I saw it, I'm alright with that.

[jhkbuzz]

You know, I am not too bad. Probably because 8 months ago she simply scorched the life out of me. I feel numb, dead inside. I have had some hard break ups, but this one was just on a whole different level. So, I'm really still working through all that. But last night I actually saw something human in her. If nothing else, I wanted to hear her say sorry, I wanted to see SOMETHING that showed me that I wasn't a piece of trash to her that she threw away with the weekend garbage. I saw it, I'm alright with that.

Sounds like you still might be a little numb; it's okay because sometimes we need a cushion from the pain.

It's wonderful that you got the validation you needed; that's something many don't get.

[Invictus01]

In hindsight, meeting up with her wasn't the best idea. I really thought I was a bit stronger emotionally by now but it did knock me back quiet a bit. I'm obviously not as bad as I was 8 months ago when she initially walked away, but seeing her, talking to her just brought back too many memories. And reminded me about our connection, the strongest connection I've ever had with a woman. I've said it time and time again - it wasn't the love bombing or anything else that drew me to her. It was her intelligence, her sense of humor, us having lots in common which you just can't mirror. I have told her many many times - "At 25, you have your stuff together much better than a lot of 30 something women I know" As much as I have read about personality disorders of all kinds, as much as all this makes a lot of sense, somewhere deep down inside I think I still either refuse to accept that all of this wasn't real or just can't, even after 8 months.

[Infared]

In hindsight, meeting up with her wasn't the best idea. I really thought I was a bit stronger emotionally by now but it did knock me back quiet a bit. I'm obviously not as bad as I was 8 months ago when she initially walked away, but seeing her, talking to her just brought back too many memories. And reminded me about our connection, the strongest connection I've ever had with a woman. I've said it time and time again - it wasn't the love bombing or anything else that drew me to her. It was her intelligence, her sense of humor, us having lots in common which you just can't mirror. I have told her many many times - "At 25, you have your stuff together much better than a lot of 30 something women I know" As much as I have read about personality disorders of all kinds, as much as all this makes a lot of sense, somewhere deep down inside I think I still either refuse to accept that all of this wasn't real or just can't, even after 8 months.

You are a brave man.

Maybe in time this understanding will help you to have some closure after you heal from this encounter.  You at least had a civil, adult exchange. That is something to be thankful for.

My heart goes out to you... .

[jhkbuzz]

In hindsight, meeting up with her wasn't the best idea. I really thought I was a bit stronger emotionally by now but it did knock me back quiet a bit. I'm obviously not as bad as I was 8 months ago when she initially walked away, but seeing her, talking to her just brought back too many memories. And reminded me about our connection, the strongest connection I've ever had with a woman. I've said it time and time again - it wasn't the love bombing or anything else that drew me to her. It was her intelligence, her sense of humor, us having lots in common which you just can't mirror. I have told her many many times - "At 25, you have your stuff together much better than a lot of 30 something women I know" As much as I have read about personality disorders of all kinds, as much as all this makes a lot of sense, somewhere deep down inside I think I still either refuse to accept that all of this wasn't real or just can't, even after 8 months.

Ah... .I didn't think the numbness would last.     I understand the "too many memories" part... .but after some time goes by I bet you'll feel better and better; closure + time = healing.

When you say "... .somewhere deep down inside I think I still either refuse to accept that all of this wasn't real or just can't... ." I'm not sure what you mean. Your r/s was real. It was real to you and it was real to her.  My r/s with my ex ended horribly, but it was real - there was genuine love and caring in the beginning, I have no doubt.  It just wasn't sustainable because of her disorder. It sounds like that might be the same situation for you.