Raw:bumped into my ex's brother's ex girlfriend

[disillusionedandsore]

In the supermarket this evening, not my usual one,  one I have decided to go to to shake up my routine so my movements are not so predictable and so I avoid any potential meetings with the ex.  Anyhow I see this woman and I approach her,  after a bit of small talk I say I'm sure you know myself and ex broke up,  he lied,  he was lying to me all along in a can you believe it kind of way?  She said nothing she actually smirked.  In the awkwardness of her saying

nothing I blather on,  revealing more and more... .She looks at me like crazy lady... .When I return to my car I am pale,  my eyes are red from seasonal allergies and the wind has made a fright of my hair,  couple that with how angry I'm now feeling I nearly believe it. At some point in the disastrous conversation I say to her did you ever go through anything like that with her ex,  the brother? To my dismay rather defensively she says,  we have a really good relationship,  we've always been really close! She told me a year ago he had been violent with her during their r/s and broke down crying... .I expected (yes I know) her to get it,  be compassionate etc I have hardly stopped crying since and feel pure raw.  So wish I had let her go on by me.  Kicking myself since

[disillusionedandsore]

I would love some feedback on this,  my head is spinning since and I feel so hurt. It is 4am where I am and I cannot sleep.

[once removed]

hey disillusioned, im sorry youre feeling this way 

can you help me better understand the situation and what upset you? it wasnt clear to me what this persons relationship is to you or the ex.

hang in there 

[enlighten me]

She will be confused as she will have been fed your exs side of things probably second hand. She may have been ashamed by her exs behaviour and not wanted to go into it.

we can come across as the crazy ones if we try to tell others our side. They will have been probably told you were the crazy one so getting worked up when discussing it plays into their lie.

Learn from this that you cant expect anyone to do with your ex will accept your version. I would only talk about it if I was asked and then I would try and avoud going into to much. Its very easy to let those flood gates open.

[zundertowz]

I understand the need to vent to someone who may understand but I would avoid venting to someone related to your ex... .they definatly were told a completely different story... .vent to your T or to close family and friends.

[going places]

Hind sight is so 20/20... .If I had a dollar for every time I said "oo... .yeah... .I'd like to have those words back please"... .I'd be rich!.

Something that frustrates the hell out of me is the notion that I NEED people to know I TRIED, and what happened ISN'T my fault.

But honestly, at the end of the day, who gives a crap what anyone thinks ESPECIALLY the people my ex hangs out with / family (yeah, the company you keep is a direct reflection of self... .and wow on his company... .)

Most of them are really crappy people.

You know what they say "birds of a feather, flock together'. In his case, it's very accurate.

You're ok.

Being in a relationship / post-relationship with a PDed person or someone who emotionally/mentally/spiritually abused you? Unless the person you are talking to has walked a mile in your shoes... .they don't get it.

They simply don't get it.

[disillusionedandsore]

Thanks everyone. It hurt like crazy... It's just a notion but I would say he was 'confiding'  in her in other words blabbing his mouth off.  I met her last one year ago and she was sharing and open and sympathetic,  I offered consolation at the time and there was a bit of kindred spirits feel to it... .I didn't know about BPD then so you know what I see/hear now is SO different still

she was indifferent,  cold etc I expected validation based on past sharing and her being the hurting long-term ex of his brother.  I didn't think it through,  hurt like hell. She asked me was I seeing anyone I couldn't help feeling paranoid that this was currency for her with them (him,  his brother and sister) she is friends with all of them.  Icck