Independence Day

[Pretty Woman]

So right now I'm sad and angry. I remember pretty much never being in a relationship over the 4th. I used to watch the fireworks with friends and hope that the next year Id have someone.


In the three years with my BPD ex I had one 4th with her. The first year she left me for her ex from ten years ago.  Last year she was here but I was cheating on someone because she came back and begged me... .not my proudest moment).  

This year she is with my replacement.

I am mad I allowed this to happen. At the same time I'm jealous of this new person. I just threw my ex a $2k birthday in April... .we have a dog and she moved a mile from me. We were supposed to go to Mexico and she dumps me for someone we both met not even a month ago.

This was our first year without a fight. I really thought we were growing. No push pull no circular arguments.

She said she felt dead inside and numb.

Maybe it was time for a new victim. All I know is this sucks. Being replaced hurts and im having trouble processing it.

[Turkish]

I'm sorry PW. Do you think she maybe was addicted to the drama? After commiting to me, my Ex so flippantly discarded me, I think that she loves the idealization, but "settling in" isn't enough for her. She loves to be in love. Well, who doesn't? But when you commit to somone long term, the r/s overall should mature and grow past that stage, or at least grow enough to incoporate being in love with the realities of an adult r/s.

[willtimeheal]

Sorry PW. This was a lousy 4th all around. Last year my ex and I started a new tradition... .we would spend it at the beach with the kids (her kids).  A fresh start, a new beginning. Well we got back from that vacation last year and she started cheating on me with a guy. I found out and walked away in September. It's been 10 months... .holidays are the hardest. I too thought everything  was great and finally life was going to fall into place. I was so wrong. Hang in there.

[Pretty Woman]

Turk,

   I do think she was addicted to the drama.  I had an opportunity to meet one of her exes who I actually consider a friend now. This woman is now married but she did stay friendly with my ex. They were long distance and only dated a year but she experienced the idealization/devalue and quite a few discards.

We had a long talk about why my ex's exes stay friends with her after all the horrible things she has done to them.

It seems to be the same consensus... .they forget. She leaves and then comes back like nothing happened. She calls them up to see how they are doing and to talk about her new love. If the person she left has a new person in their lives they cut her some slack.

After talking to this specific ex she actually got angry. Not at me, she realized she has been used for the past four years. My ex only contacts her when she has a new girlfriend. She wants her new victim to see she is "friendly" with some of her exes.

I am very fortunate to have been able to see a pattern in my relationship. Mine is not the cut-off completely BPD. She checks in on all her exes except the ones who pretty much told her never to contact them again.

I was accused of being dramatic in this relationship. I find that very humorous now.