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Author Topic: I started a new part time job/Not dealing with it very well.  (Read 540 times)
goingtostopthis
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« on: July 05, 2015, 09:45:58 PM »

       I started a part time job at a horse camp and I need advise as to how to deal with the owner who runs it.

I only have two more weeks to go and I need the money so I have to stick it out, but to be honest with myself, Im miserable with it.  

              The lady who runs it yells at the kids non stop when instructing them on their horses. I understand completely how important it is to get certain messages across to these kids for their safety sake and to learn to ride,  but I swear to god this lady goes so over board to the point where it seems she is harassing these kids more then anything. All she cares about is the kids final performance to their parents at the end of the week.

But what is starting to feel very abusive to me is that I will have a chance to instruct these kids as well. My style is very... .different.  I dont have to yell at them to get them to get the message and dont and I wont yell meanly to them.  But what is strange is that I will say something to one child, like good job!  Beautiful,  you did it! etc.

and about 15 seconds later she will copy what I just said and do it in a way  as if I am not even there, like I never said it myself.  Then she will turn around and do things like ignore me or I will be saying something to a child and she will yell over me to that child, telling them what to do as if Im not there again!

        One time she told me to get them ALL started on a special riding pattern I had been working on with them, ok ,  so I called them all over and started calling out to them the letters they were to ridde to and right in the middle of this she decides to have a water break with them,(she said nothing to me) so they all stopped walked away from me and I was just left standing there with my mouth open. And weird still, I keep noticing this everytime I instruct ,its like she steals my words applies it solely to her self,  like this is "her" style and Im not there again.  

            And she says these things to me sometimes that are like little jabs. One time I started an art project with the kids and it was really good. She said nothing to me about liking it or being pleased, instead she said this weird thing. We were painting on round cedar boards and when we were finished, I put them all on a plastic table cloth on this other table. I am positive!  She said next time dont put them on the wooden table to dry because they leave an oily mark on the table.  "I" said,  I put them all the plastic table cloth. Then she kind of stammered with her words and said, no, I mean the wooden table in the garage. Im thinking, There is no wooden table in the garage what is she talking about?  The feeling I got was like she was trying to taint my efforts somehow, because with her there is all ways something she has to pick at with someone, either with the kids and now with me. It seems to be almost constant. I felt like I was being gas lit. I checked the cedar boards and there was no oilness on them what so ever,anywhere!    

                You know it's bad enough to have to deal with a mom and sister into crazy making and now this?

I suppose I should take it as a compliment that she steals my teaching style and then treats me like I dont exist afterwards. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  I have to laugh!   Its really fun to be instructing a student and then be interrupted with obnoxious yelling right over my own voice like Im just a door mouse that can be stepped on anytime.  I should quit , I know.

Im torn because I really need the money right now. Im going to give it one more week and if things get worse, that's it. Im out of there.  I cant help it.  Sometimes I just hate people. Its hard when you are being treated badly at home, it wears on you and it makes you feel weak,  and then you get a job where you experience more of the same. Im a nice person. I dont put on arrogant throws if you know what I mean. Im considerate. and this is what I get for it.    sheet.   I guess Im kind of a threat to her, wouldnt you say?  it sucks... I hate people.   thank you.  I feel better now.            

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Upsidedownlife
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« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2015, 09:21:10 AM »

Hi GTST

Glad to hear you are working a little  - I guess you were hoping for a more pleasant break from your family!

Sorry to hear your boss is such a mess.

I find that now I understand more about BPD, I can spot the behaviour a mile off and it saves me all that angst of wondering what I did wrong to set them off. I just accept they see things differently - well mostly accept!

Of course, when it's home and work as well you must feel surrounded. Sometimes you do have to laugh about no escape!

Can this job help you get another job? Is it worth staying for that reason - as well as the cash, of course!

I also struggle with people who yell over the top of me . I think it's rude.  I'm sensitive to that after also growing up with a uBPDm and BPD sister. They were always loud and bossy and I prefer peace and quiet.

You sound like someone who would be great at running your own riding school - have you ever done that before?

Is it a possiblilty for the future when your aunt's farm is sorted out
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HappyChappy
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
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« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2015, 12:35:49 PM »

So if I understand your  “Boss” displays a lot of Narcisstic behaviour. She uses force (yelling) and she steals your ideas without crediting you. She’s a “can do better” kinda lady. I can’t advise on jobs, but having studies management style, your boss sounds autocratic. Basically she just wants everyone to agree with her, period. Useful if you’re in the Army and there’s not time to debate things, but not so good for the service industry.

The other type of manager is the consultative managers, i.e. the ones that would praise you for brining in good ideas (such as the one you mentioned) and encourage you. The ones that want to know what the customer and staff have to say. They do well in private industry where the customer comes first, and staff are you most valuable asset. Trouble is that lazy or bad managers tend to lean towards the directive approach. It’s just easier to do, consulting takes time. So I’ve seen it in family run business or the civil service, where the culture is FIFO i.e. Fit In or F* Off.

The good news is if you join a large multinational or a truly customer focused company, they tend to have better managers. So for you next job, interview your boss before you take the job. Talk to other employees if you can. It’s always easier to get a job from a job, you need references.  But to be clear I’m not advising you on your current situation, somethings just aren't worth the agro, only you know that. But if you change boss, it might make a big difference. Best of luck.

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