junk

[rarsweet]

Does anyone else's parents constantly bring them stuff? My mom every day brings me junk, thrift store, flea market stuff. I hate clutter. The other day she brought a rock, yes a rock she thought I would want. She brought me a mini cheetah print suite case, she said I could put my trinckets in it. I don't know what the hell trinckets are. I share a porch with my neighbors. I see there is a used VCR, a ted casserole set, and 8 blue bowls with my name on them she must have left yesterday when I didn't answer the door. Last week she left 2 huge, over 10lb, books on watercoloring outside my door. I sm not artistic in the least. I have crohn's disease, off meds for 7 years, I was saying that I thought cheese was making me symptomatic lately. The next day she seriously brought me a package of cheese, for grilled cheese sandwiches she said. I haven't eaten bread in years. The book thing, I was saying I have so many books, I was only going to buy kid books, I would just get adult books from the library so I can return them. She shows up with huge, heavy, adult books. I can't eat processed foods she shows up with hot pockets, and frozen pizzas, because I should really try them. She will come over with random coins "she thinks will interest me" drops them on the coffee table, even though I have a baby. What is up with giving me crap. My favorite is when she will bring one curtain from the thrift store. Hey that one curtain is pretty right, couldn't pass it up. Sarcasm.

[Turkish]

My mom is always bringing me stuff for me and the kids. I have so many books, 90% of them on the shelf, undread. You can only read so many books to little kids before they learn and can read themselves.

I also got some dolls for D3 this weekend, but they reek of my mom's house (cigarettes, mildew, and animal waste). I usually need to run at least one load with bleach and then another wash or two to get out the smell. It's horrible. And I insult her if I don't take them, or smell the items first.

As a kid, I was always dragged around to garage sales and flea markets, such that even seeing them turns me off. 

We recently had a thread on hoarding and object attachments:


https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273310.0

[Sunfl0wer]

I'm curious... .I have been in this position, accepting things I don't want.

Is this a form of ensuring we remain in "O" obligation, and "G" guilt of not returning what we do not need?

It is hard to directly tell someone that you are refusing their "gift" but I wonder what this actually means in the r/s dynamic?

(I think tho that the person just genuinely had no understanding of putting themself in my shoes to get me something I prefer... so idk)

[peripatetic]

I can relate. My BPD mom has shipped unwanted "presents" (really junk) to my older brother who lives in another state. (And once I move out, I fully expect her to start doing this to me; yet another reason to not let her know where I'm going.) No doubt this is a desperate attempt to control him; she's probably driven by an unconscious desire to "bring him back into the fold", rather than learning how to have a more constructive (mutually beneficial) conversation with people. It's not quite to the level of stalking, but it is definitely unwanted contact. And the breathless follow-up calls she makes to him are priceless. The structure they follow are textbook examples of attempts at FOG. And she wonders why every halfway mentally-healthy person she knows treats her so coldly.   Can you tell I'm mad?