STD Testing

[Depression = 72% of members]

When I put the BPD pieces together with my exBPDgf and decided to stop the relationship, one of the first things I did was to get tested for any/every STD out there. I was always concerned with my exBPDgf's sexual appetite but when I found out about her lying, my mind started spinning.

Did any of you do the same?

[WhatJustHappened?]

When I put the BPD pieces together with my exBPDgf and decided to stop the relationship, one of the first things I did was to get tested for any/every STD out there. I was always concerned with my exBPDgf's sexual appetite but when I found out about her lying, my mind started spinning.

Did any of you do the same?

[Yolanda123]

I just went today and got a paper from my family doctor... .I have an appointment Friday at a private lab (fortunately I have health insurance at my job that  pays for private which is much faster) to get all the tests done... .

I am terrified

[introvert]

I'm in the same boat as both of you. Sickening stuff. Best of luck.

[WhatJustHappened?]

It's scary stuff. I was scared too but you'll be just fine Yolanda123. Good for you for taking the right step.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

I appreciate that it is not nice to do and a little bit anxious waiting for the results, but considering my exBPD fiancee sexual history and her never ending lies about her affair, which ended our relationship,  I felt I had no option but to have a test. (Thankfully clear!).

Funny thing is when I told her I was having the test, she felt insulted!

[WhatJustHappened?]

I appreciate that it is not nice to do and a little bit anxious waiting for the results, but considering my exBPD fiancee sexual history and her never ending lies about her affair, which ended our relationship,  I felt I had no option but to have a test. (Thankfully clear!).

Funny thing is when I told her I was having the test, she felt insulted!

Nice. So she felt insulted abut you wanting to be responsible when she wasn't?

[hurting300]

If I'm not mistaken if they give you an std you can prosecute them.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

I appreciate that it is not nice to do and a little bit anxious waiting for the results, but considering my exBPD fiancee sexual history and her never ending lies about her affair, which ended our relationship,  I felt I had no option but to have a test. (Thankfully clear!).

Funny thing is when I told her I was having the test, she felt insulted!

Nice. So she felt insulted abut you wanting to be responsible when she wasn't?

Yep... .

Welcome to my ex world!

[ppb2la]

I did the same after my r/s with my uBPD and uNPD bf.

As some others mentioned on this thread, he was insulted too.

It's scary I know , but it's better to know the truth. Mine selfishly wouldn't use a condom- I know- a huge risk considering how many BPDs have a voracious sexual appetite. That has been his MO with all of his girlfriends. As a consequence, he has forced two of them (that he told me about)  to have abortions because they got pregnant with him and then as they weren't willing to be with him in a LTR, he got them to abort. Between the two, there were about 6 abortions.

[oor_wullie]

When I put the BPD pieces together with my exBPDgf and decided to stop the relationship, one of the first things I did was to get tested for any/every STD out there. I was always concerned with my exBPDgf's sexual appetite but when I found out about her lying, my mind started spinning.

Did any of you do the same?

a very sane and sensible thing to do. i did the same. it was useful catharsis, and part of the ritual of breaking away from her. i kind of feel like going through a process is important - it reminds you that this is real. the whole relationship with a BPD, when it's so filled with lies, leaves you feeling like you're standing on one of those bouncy castles, or a trampoline - you can't ever get settled, or relax, you're constantly having to readjust. you can't relax. especially when you start to be able to tell when they're lying. to maintain the relationship, you have to ignore so much, and fool yourself into believing some of the garbage they're telling you, because what else can you do?

but having the tests was *real*. a real consequence, and real action. it was a reminder that the lies can have consequences. and it should remind you that, even though your ex didn't care enough about you to tell you the truth, or to simply not cheat on you, *you* care about you. you care enough about you, and your next potential partner, to check you're okay. to see if she damaged you in more ways than just emotionally.

good for you! it's brave to get the tests. and it shows you've acknowledged she wasn't to be trusted.

and don't worry too much. most common STDs can be treated with a modest course of pills. i almost wanted to have an STD, just to help me realise what she was.

[BorisAcusio]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=225209.0

I would suggest you to read this thread, especially 2010's comment.

[oor_wullie]

I did the same after my r/s with my uBPD and uNPD bf.

As some others mentioned on this thread, he was insulted too.

they get insulted! that always happens when you call them on their lies, right? that capacity they have for self-delusion. i think maybe they believe their own lies. they certainly get cross with you when *you* don't believe their lies. in their head, i think they believe that it's wrong for you to distrust them, even when they know they've lied, because *you* can't *know* they've lied - by thinking they lied, you're showing distrust.

my BPDex used to lie about things all the time, and when i called her on some of them, or maybe just asked for clarification, she'd accuse me very angrily of not trusting her. she was always much more angry when she really had been lying. the odd occasion when it turned out she'd not lied, she was totally delighted and pleased with herself, and went out of her way to show me she hadn't lied, and how much of a d*ck i'd been for not believing her.

they get insulted because they really can't bear to hear anything that suggests they're anything less than perfect. tiring.

[going places]

It is humiliating to ask your OB, who knows you are married, and have been for 20+ years, for a full STD screen.

More humiliating is when your OB asks "is there a reason why you would suspect an STD" (with one eye cocked at me like, "um what have you been doing".

One more heaping spoonful of humiliation is to have to say "My husband is having an affair".

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE... .

When you go back 1 year later, and ask for ANOTHER full screen, and the OB says "I thought you guys were working this out" and you say "yeah, but I found out something worse than the affair, just test me".

Praise the Lord, everything came back negative.

But the humiliation was crushing.

Of course the ex was "insulted" that I was tested. First it was "we didn't have sex" then it was "she's clean".

What an idiot.

[ShadowIntheNight]

I've already decided should mine have the nerve to show her face again, among MANY things she is going to have to do, her providing me with a report from her medical doctor showing me that she is clean is on the list. And if she's insulted, humiliated, or angry, so much the better... .