Possibly turning a corner

[mrwigand]

As the post title suggests, I think I might be turning a corner when it comes to healing from my breakup with my BPDexgf.

It's taken a LONG time to be in a position to cautiously say that. I've been lucky to have had great friends and family who have been nothing short of heroic in terms of supporting me and trying to comfort me through my pain. Also, I'm so glad I decided to see a therapist as well because that's been invaluable. Obviously, being able to post and receive support on this board has been critical as well, and I thank everyone who has indulged my frequent dark nights of the soul.

I know this will still be an ongoing process, but hopefully the process will shift to focusing even more on me and my future and my happiness.

When I think about it, I still fluctuate wildly when it comes to how I feel about my ex. At times, I'm profoundly angry; at times I'm hurt; at times I wish her happiness, and at others I'm content that she's out of my life without wishing her any ill well. But this is all when I think about it, and the amount of space I allow her to occupy in my head is decreasing.

I don't know... .I just wanted to post this so perhaps members who are experiencing intense pain might read it and reasonably believe that the pain won't last forever.

Unfortunately, I don't think I have any advice for anyone other than to always have the strength to seek support. The willingness to make oneself vulnerable to others and ask for help is healthy, and healthy human beings seek it out.

[arn131arn]

Awesome man! Good for you. Friends and family and a therapist all helped me, as well!

I, to this day, am cautious when dealing with my ex. I have to because of our child.  If an email sets me into a frenzy; I talk to the people who care about me and always give it a few days before I respond.

Good times are ahead.

I wish there was an emoticon with a smiley face blowing a party horn!

Peace, bro.

[mrwigand]

Ha, you too!

[once removed]

mrwigand, your progress radiates from your post.  thank you for sharing.

[Sadly]

Thank you. How I just needed to read your post. At present I am sitting crying, beaking my heart, I feel so horribly lost and lonely and devastated and worthless and pointless. I need to walk away and can't and just half an hour ago was blasted once again by by pwBPD.  I keep thinking each time, this will be the last time and I can walk away but there is this horrid little voice that keeps telling me "you won't". One nice word and I will go skipping back. You have done it! You must be so proud of yourself and rightly so. I am going to read your positive post often to give me strength. Thank you again.

[cloudten]

I am so glad there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will keep your words with me in the days ahead. I know that I should seek more help from family and friends (I am already in therapy which has been invaluable). I think this last weekend has given me the strength to carry on. Reconnecting with my favorite cousin, and her witnessing one of his rages, has snapped me back into reality.

Sadly:  I had a friend tell me once to keep eating oreos until i couldn't eat oreos anymore. That's what I had to do. The last few weeks, I have finally been done eating oreos... .and today starts NC for me.  We don't judge around here. Sometimes you have to keep eating the oreos until you can't eat any more oreos. But the fact you are here is a good thing. we are here for you when you are done eating oreos!   I do have to say that it feels good to not be hanging onto that "someday" or onto that "belief that things will change or improve". It feels good to see things for how they are. It feels good to see the reality and choose sanity.

[nihilo]

This is good to hear! Its been about 2.5 months NC for me and I too am going through cycles of anger, sadness and longing. Its relieving to hear this lessens over time.

Everytime I feel longing, I come to these boards or research BPD articles to reassure myself, there is nothing left or there was never anything to begin with.