Cathartic letter to ex (not sent)

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Yep fair one. I didn't think of it from that point of view. Although I have considered sending a letter, but decided it personally wouldn't do me much good.

[chill1986]

Yep fair one. I didn't think of it from that point of view. Although I have considered sending a letter, but decided it personally wouldn't do me much good.

[myself]

Myself - I totally agree, it would be stupid to let them just walk back into your lives. There would be a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

A lot of questions could be asked, for sure. That's what keeps so many staying away, they don't want to face those truths. The last time my ex came back, demanding that we talk, I calmly said, "OK, I have some things to say, too, some questions I'd like to ask/get answers to." You could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears as the crossed wires short circuited in her brain. She wanted to control the communication, not just be part of it. She chose to not answer anything, freaking out and leaving instead. But I'd learned that sweeping things beneath the rug wasn't having healthy boundaries, and honesty was better. She could have asked me anything.

[zundertowz]

Yep fair one. I didn't think of it from that point of view. Although I have considered sending a letter, but decided it personally wouldn't do me much good.

I also considered sending a letter then realized it also wouldn't accomplish much as I really don't want contact with my ex... it was all about myself.  If I was with someone 14 years my mindset may be different.

[chill1986]

Myself - I totally agree, it would be stupid to let them just walk back into your lives. There would be a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

A lot of questions could be asked, for sure. That's what keeps so many staying away, they don't want to face those truths. The last time my ex came back, demanding that we talk, I calmly said, "OK, I have some things to say, too, some questions I'd like to ask/get answers to." You could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears as the crossed wires short circuited in her brain. She wanted to control the communication, not just be part of it. She chose to not answer anything, freaking out and leaving instead. But I'd learned that sweeping things beneath the rug wasn't having healthy boundaries, and honesty was better. She could have asked me anything.

If the same situation ever happens to me, I hope I will act as you did.

Well played sir.

[Beach_Babe]

I guess,I feel like closure is safer than asking for friendship =(

[greenmonkey]

as much as I would like to send a final letter to my ex and wanted to at the time I realised that it was a) like sending a mature grown up letter to a 5 year old b) it would not even register as a gesture of anything c) It would lead her to believe that I was open to further lies and manipulation, and recycling in the future.

Instead I took someone's advice from here many months ago and started doing an online journal, totally private and I could spew out my mashed up head in a safe and cathartic way.

I know I am blacker than black, as I took back control, evcited her out of my house, and gave her 7 days to remove the rest of the stuff out. She has been stalking me for close to the whole time, trying to find out a snippet of information.

She will never get close to me or my family again, whether it is a month from now or 10 years from now.  She is a pathological liar and has no grasp of the real world so it is not an option.

[Beach_Babe]

Is it an irrational fear what keeps me away is fear of being ridiculed and torn apart by ex and the psychopath ex friend? I imagine them laughing. How could anyone even care about or want to see someone like me ? Maybe I truly am needy, desperate and a pathetic loser?

[chill1986]

Why would they be laughing? Did you do something to be sorry about?

Don't answer this. I know it's a no.

You couldn't have done anything to prevent this! It's inevitable, for all of us.

Start thinking positive! You are a good person, that's why you care so much!

Write down your good qualities, things you are happy for.

My good qualities;

I care for others

Intelligent

Tall

Good job

Good looking

I make a mean cookies and cream ice cream

What I'm thankful for;

My health

My family

My job

Living in a nice area

Stuff like that, write different things each day, like you might be thankful for a nice meal or something nice someone has told you. Positive mental attitude!

[Beach_Babe]

Im afraid my ex  would see me as weak and pathetic if I reached out to make peace. He and his psychopath friend would sit and laugh. Maybe play a cruel joke or two. He is doing well, he would not lower himself with me. I dont know if this is low self esteem or the truth talking? I never hear of many stories here where a non makes contact and the ex was happy to hear from them. Hes now telling everyone I abandoned him and its not true.


My good qualities:

Intelligent

Funny

Caring

Im thankful for:

(Non pd) family

Friends

This board

Anyone else want to jump in with their list?

[joeramabeme]

Im afraid my ex  would see me as weak and pathetic if I reached out to make peace. He and his psychopath friend would sit and laugh. Maybe play a cruel joke or two. He is doing well, he would not lower himself with me. I dont know if this is low self esteem or the truth talking? I never hear of many stories here where a non makes contact and the ex was happy to hear from them. Hes now telling everyone I abandoned him and its not true.


My good qualities:

Intelligent

Funny

Caring

Im thankful for:

(Non pd) family

Friends

This board

Anyone else want to jump in with their list?

My good qualities:

- Fun

- Sincere

- Insightful

- Inquisitive

- Caring (Hmm, starting to wonder if this is actually caretaker)

I'm thankful for:

- Friends & family who have listened to me carry on for some time now!

- Health

- Job

- bpdfamily.com

- Summer weather!

[zundertowz]

I think my best qualities are loyalty and compassion which is why the relationship with the BPD ex was so tough... .she had neither.

[joeramabeme]

I think my best qualities are loyalty and compassion which is why the relationship with the BPD ex was so tough... .she had neither.

Not to sidetrack this thread too much but your "loyalty" comment reminded me of something she always said to me when I asked what she liked about me; "I was loyal like a dog".  LOL!  I have an old image in my mind of a guy sitting in a recliner watching tv with newspaper in hand in case he has to whack the dog lying on floor next to him ... .  Funny and sad!