Healing

[chill1986]

Hi everyone just a few thoughts,

I'm starting to feel good again, my confidence that had taken a serious battering by my ex has started to return and I have been on a few dates and one girl is looking promising! Also looking at buying a new house.

My ex however seems to hate me more than ever. It's been a few months since the break up and she hates me now more than when we broke up. Any ideas why? Is it because I haven't begged her to get back together? Because she is still recovering? She was the one to end it and kick me out of our house.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey chill-

You know if you did something to cause her to hate you or not, and if you didn't, it's probably defense mechanisms, tools borderlines use to feel better.  If she's feeling abandoned, common for borderlines, even though she ended it, weird right?, and then thinks it's her fault it didn't work, so she's ashamed, that doesn't feel good, so you have to be the bad guy.  We all do that to some extent, it's just more extreme with folks whose emotions are more extreme.

Great you're enjoying the company of someone new!  Do you intend to keep staying current with what your ex is feeling?

[chill1986]

Hey FHTH,

Yeah they were my suspicions. I did nothing to hurt her, was very considerate even after the break up and never did anything that could be considered mean.

Yeah I definitely will keep on with the new girl, I don't know what is going on with my ex and I can't keep waiting for her to realise it and reach out. I'm just going to live my life and try and be happy!

[Bassoutcast]

Hey chill.

I think that maybe the reason she's hurt is because you are doing better now, and it's KILLING her. It's a lose-lose situation, either you are hurt and broken, thus you accept what they project and validate/justify the hate they feel towards you ("you feel bad? guilty? hurt? you deserve it! it's YOUR fault" - as a pwBPD would see it, don't get me wrong, it's NOT your fault), or if you're doing alright - it triggers abandonment, and you're just another evil person who doesn't understand and notice their pain, because as we all know - pwBPD always play the victim.

Good for you for dating and building back your confidence, your on the right track! good luck with that promising girl, fingers crossed 

[chill1986]

Thanks bassoutcast

I did wonder whether that was the case, that she hated I wasn't doing badly and actually having fun and not crying in a corner! I still love her, but it was her decision to break up, I'm not going to run back to her, whilst she has no respect for me (by her actions in how she has treated me) I have respect for myself. Plus this new girl is really nice, so I'm hoping things go well with her!

Thanks