Totally confused don't even know if this man is actually BPD?

[scarletviolet]

So today after almost 3 weeks of not verbal communication but just work related emails, i replied to a personal email from my husband where he was asking when his phone bill was due... .as i normally took care of all the admin stuff... .i replied to him with this"i am going to cancel the joint account next week and sort out something for the phone even if this is not my responsibility considering in over two weeks you didnt have the decency of making a phone call…"

he said... .i am going to call you in 30 mins... one hour later nothing, then another message saying... ." give me another 30... .in the middle of something" eventually after two hours and half he called... .

i promised myself i would keep cool but not sure what got into me... .i started crying histerycally and telling him all the horrible things he did to me and if he was aware his dad had been crying about the stuff that he does to people etc...

he said this was the reason why he didnt want to call as he didnt want to get into an argument etc and he realizes it is all his fault... .then eventually as he kept saying he had to go i hang up and he texted me saying did you hung up?

yes you said you had to go... .and his answer was like... .yes i do do you want to talk properly tomorrow without arguing?"

i totally went off a rant i was so furious... .i know i did everything wrong by invalidating but i really wanted to remind him all of the horrible things he did to me... .

what threw me was the fact he said... .you've done nothing wrong, its my fault and i do feel guilty... .i am aware of what i did and i feel    horrible  and scared about it all too you happy now is that what you wanted to hear? i know you did love me you've done more for me then anyone else ever did and its my fault... ." my reply ws like "well thanks for the payback, it feels amazing" i said the only thing i wanted you took away from me with the vasectomy you did behind my back... you saw me crying for months and months and nothing you never came clean about what you did... ."

his reply was like" i don't want to take away anything, I've done enough damage... .

now i am wondering is this man really BPD as he is actually acknowledging everything that happend was his fault?

i don't even know why i ve been so stupid to do this,as i am sure he was not bothered at all and it was just saying these things but not really meaning them... .but i feel so much better now...

[once removed]

hey scarletviolet  

sounds like youre feeling emotionally drained from this conversation  

"now i am wondering is this man really BPD as he is actually acknowledging everything that happend was his fault?"

for all of the myths about BPD, there are several stories to the contrary. one myth is that "a pwBPD can NEVER acknowledge wrongdoing/see their faults/apologize". nonsense. there are plenty of stories from members that involve the pwBPD apologizing or acknowledging wrongdoing. it may not always exactly look like our idea of really apologizing and accepting fault. youre understandably hurt and angry by this persons actions. you want your pain to be heard and acknowledged by him. he doesnt seem like hes in a place to fully understand the pain he caused, and he cant take it away, but i do think he did the best he could do to acknowledge it. is it "enough"? probably not. thats his limitation.

i am glad you feel better about saying your piece though. it must have felt very relieving 

[scarletviolet]

thank you Onceremoved!

he just called me now once again and i just can't help myself... .want him to have a reality check... .i told him he is deluded, if he thinks that he will run into the sunset with my replacement, to think again... .

he actually admitted there is something wrong with him... .and he will try and sort it out... .WHICH I Don't believe its the case, when i talk to him he starts crying and saying ' this is why i don't call you, because you keep arguing and i can't do this anymore... ." i said... .is it hard to look in the mirror? " don't you realise how much it hurts to see someone self destroying... .do you think that it takes pleasure saying these things to you? i always wanted to help you but  you are the one creating the drama, how many dead bodies in the graveyard before you realise?... .the problem with him is that even if i validate him, he will feel good about it, but then still he will go ahead and do whatever he wants to do without thinking about the consequences... .i do believe it is impossible to win this battle... .dont even know if therapy will help him, i honestly think he is a lost cause... .

i am in soon much pain realizing all the abuse he put me trough, and the fact that i can't do anything to help him... .