I am Roman Catholic - divorce is not an option... . not that I would consider it anyway.
I am somewhat familiar... .but what I would think would be good for you to do is to ask your priest how the church would view YOU... .if your wife divorces you.
Also... .I would ask that you talk to a lawyer and verify the laws in your state. That if one party wants a divorce... files... .and pushes for it... .will they get it.
Ask what that will look like for you...
It makes it difficult, however, when the partner has asked for divorce several times.
Ok... .pwBPD do this quite often. I'm guessing my wife is certainly over 50 times of asking... .threatening... . Most likely the number is far higher if I count the times the "inferred" that we were done.
I have had "lawyers" call my house to return her phone calls... and have had printouts of family law firms "accidentally" left in the printer.
A lot of this was before I knew about this website and had ever heard about BPD.
Once I stop reacting... .and just ignored the threats (validated if possible)... .they got less and less.
I'm thinking it's been 3-4 weeks since I've heard the D word... .before that... .maybe couple months.
I tell this story... .to let you know this. If your wife really wants a divorce... .she will get one. Many pwBPD "feel" like they want a divorce... .but are too afraid to "act" on it. So... part of this is to try to bully the "non" into filing... .that way the pwBPD maintains victim status since someone else is doing it to them.
I find myself spending much energy and effort in anticipating the next blowout/request for a divorce.
Remember my talk about energy management... .I think it was in a different post to you.
Your energy put toward this effort is going down a black hole... . Trust me... .
Current difficulty is that she wants us to fly to her for Christmas when my girls do not want to go - either due to fear and unease about seeing mom and in-laws OR punishing mom by withholding their attention.
Curious why you didn't post about what you want.
Christmas is a long time off... .I would discuss this with your girls... and hold off making any decisions.
I think after a couple of months of work here at bpdfamily... .you will have a better idea of how to handle the BPD aspect of this.
Wife could come here (it would be cheaper), but I worry if I plant my feet and stand up for girls and myself it could precipitate an "I WANT A DIVORCE" thing.
Do you understand what FOG is? What does that stand for? How does it apply to what I quoted above.
I understand pwBPD arent likely to do this out of fear of abandonment... .but she is having her emotional needs met (I guess) by her mom / my MIL.
Hey... .you have said this a few times... .that she is getting her emotional needs met by someone else... .her family.
What does that mean... ."emotional needs" mean.
Just want to make sure I'm following before I comment.
Its odd now that I understand what I do about pwBPD. I can look back over our history together and much is explained.
Yeah... .I understand this feeling. To read books and read this site... .and see that others are going through what I am dealing with... .it's odd... .it's empowering to know it can be overcome... .I can't believe I was 43 or so years old when I first heard of this or these issues.
I'm glad you found us... .I think we can help you get in a better place pretty soon.
FF