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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Reaching out to my friends?  (Read 373 times)
OopsIDidItAgain
Formerly PX1983
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 120


« on: July 23, 2015, 06:28:15 PM »

My BPD ex is sending texts to 2 random friends that she knows I'm in contact with every day.

Should I not look too much into this? One of them said the following... .

" Hi X, as you may have heard PX and I have gone our separate ways (super sucks)  

I just wanted to reach out and say even though we don't see each other often you were always my favorite of PX's friends. I'm sure in time we will be friends again but I want you to know how thought, kind and nice you and your wife are. I'm sure I will hear all about your baby when it's born.  take care xoxo"

She sent another text to another friend basically saying something along those lines.

Is she just being nice or is there another motive to this? We are NC
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rotiroti
formerly neveragainthanks
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 758



« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2015, 07:19:24 PM »

Could be anything. Perhaps taking a pre-emptive on the smear campaign? Don't be surprised when all of her friends hear that you were abusive and terrible!
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OopsIDidItAgain
Formerly PX1983
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 120


« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2015, 07:29:11 PM »

My friends didn't respond, and her friends pretty much know how she gets. I've already heard from two of her best friends saying they do not agree with the breakup.

It came out of nowhere. So everyone was confused about it. They all assumed it was "her July thing"  as she goes through some drama every July.

My friends haven't responded to her. I just didn't know if it was her just being nice and saying goodbye or if there was a motive to it.
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Cassandros
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 2


« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2015, 09:12:53 PM »

There's always some kind of motive/play. It might not be an over the top malicious one but it might not be a good one either. She could just be trying to prove to herself that everyone doesn't hate her and she's more level headed and nice than the actions during the break up would make her look.

She could be reaching out to people she knows will tell you, to chum the water and provoke this exact question as a way of getting you to make the contact first. Just letting you know she still exists and thinks the break up sucks, and seeing what you'll do about it. If you're the first to make direct contact she proves to herself it's you "chasing" her, and can even show she must not have really done anything so wrong because if she did, why would you still want to talk to her?

I usually look for what someone who's insecure and impulsive would do more than that there's a well thought through plan in the works.

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OopsIDidItAgain
Formerly PX1983
***
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 120


« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2015, 09:52:15 PM »

Just because the messages were to my friends and people she doesn't normally hang out with,

It just came across as weird to me.

she asked me to leave and I left. She already tried to smear me saying "I left her" at this point. We both made mistakes in our relationship, I could have communicated better but I chose to not believe she had BPD even though every mental health professional in my life was telling me she did.

It still doesn't meant I'm allowing her to get her way. If she's looking for me to make first contact that is not going to happen. She totally destroyed a friendship she had with my "replacement" who was my very good friend who realized all she was, was a pawn in this and told her flat out "not going to happen"

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