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Author Topic: more questions about validation...  (Read 228 times)
truthbeknown
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 564


« on: July 25, 2015, 09:31:42 AM »

I have two questions about validation:

One: how does one handle it if they are in a situation where they are being judged and invalidated?  For example,  I work two jobs and at my second job the people there have a tendency to judge and criticize at a high level of frequency.  In essence, they look for things that are "wrong" or that a person is "doing wrong" over anything else.  I brought this up to a manager and she said, they critique everyone in the same manner so she felt that they are being fair.    At my day job,  when they do coaching they will tell people their strong points before telling them the areas they can work on.  Actually, they usually ask: "what areas do you think you need more help on? "  From here they will send you a report of their interaction with you and detail strengths and weeknesses.  I feel much more validated in the latter environment.   

In the second job, they don't seem to recognize things that people do on a positive level and yet they are many times asking for more, more, more.  When I try to set a boundary they don't like it.  Therefore, we have been talking about how to validate others but any ideas on how to handle things when one is in an environment that is very invalidating to ourselves? In some ways it seems that i am invalidating myself by staying in such an environment but right now i need the money.  Suggestions about self validating despite this type of environment?

TWO: how does one validate when two other are arguing? 

I have two children and when we are together my son will not validate my daughter and in fact he speaks from an all knowing position which makes her upset.  "you said that ... .and i was just saying that this is not true... ."  That infuriates her!

However,  if i try to correct him from correcting her then essentially, i'm doing the same thing to him that he is doing to her.  And so I'd like to get some ideas on how validating can be used when I have to step in during times when emotions are high?

Another thing i thought of is that i am constantly in situations with my kids where they practice keeping me at "arms length distance"t anytime they are with their mother.  It is very hurtful and difficult to communicate with them on this level.  They only text me when they want information (usually for their mother) and when i ask them a question about something they will avoid it.  It feels very passive agressive in nature but since the previous thread was addressing validation (both outer and inner) I was hoping to get some feedback on this.

thanks
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