Today the Recycled Ex-BF Called Me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's been almost 4 solid months of no contact.  I was the subject of a classic BPD triangulation play. I went NC immediately after getting a clue that I was being setup as a replacement/pawn.  I was feeling great this week, thinking to myself things are really going well.  I'm feeling fit and I'm back to my old self. This afternoon, I was having lunch with friends and I recieve a call from a mutual friend that we (folks at the table) hadn't heard from in months.  But it wasn't him! It was the recycled ex (who I know casually through a group the BPD and I both are part of) calling on this person's phone.   He said he was breaking up with the BPD and that she needed a friend to talk to get her through it. A true What the heck moment.  I was caught completely off guard and was at a loss for words.  My friends said put so and so on speaker, we want to talk to him! I was in a booth and couldn't escape so I told him sure I'll text her and that I was busy eating lunch and had to go. I just needed this to go away immediately.   I couldn't say "Are you serious? Are you crazy?  Do you think I'm the clean up crew? in front of my friends when I wasn't taking to the person they thought I was speaking with.   It was so damn strange. Anyway, there is no way on God's green earth that I'm going to get involved.  I can't make heads or tails of this. If anyone wants to play armchair shrink, let me know your thoughts.   And for those of you who get depressed thinking the BPD is having the time of his or her life after leaving you in the dust, stop. It's a pattern of failed relationships, it's drama beyond drama. I'm not on FB but I was told it was a whirlwind of happy propaganda filled with fun trips, selfies and all sorts of emotional vomit. If you've left, be thankful and get on with the healing process. The grass is not greener for BPDs. Carry on and be strong folks!   

[GotOut]

It's been almost 4 solid months of no contact.  I was the subject of a classic BPD triangulation play. I went NC immediately after getting a clue that I was being setup as a replacement/pawn.  I was feeling great this week, thinking to myself things are really going well.  I'm feeling fit and I'm back to my old self. This afternoon, I was having lunch with friends and I recieve a call from a mutual friend that we (folks at the table) hadn't heard from in months.  But it wasn't him! It was the recycled ex (who I know casually through a group the BPD and I both are part of) calling on this person's phone.   He said he was breaking up with the BPD and that she needed a friend to talk to get her through it. A true What the heck moment.  I was caught completely off guard and was at a loss for words.  My friends said put so and so on speaker, we want to talk to him! I was in a booth and couldn't escape so I told him sure I'll text her and that I was busy eating lunch and had to go. I just needed this to go away immediately.   I couldn't say "Are you serious? Are you crazy?  Do you think I'm the clean up crew? in front of my friends when I wasn't taking to the person they thought I was speaking with.   It was so damn strange. Anyway, there is no way on God's green earth that I'm going to get involved.  I can't make heads or tails of this. If anyone wants to play armchair shrink, let me know your thoughts.   And for those of you who get depressed thinking the BPD is having the time of his or her life after leaving you in the dust, stop. It's a pattern of failed relationships, it's drama beyond drama. I'm not on FB but I was told it was a whirlwind of happy propaganda filled with fun trips, selfies and all sorts of emotional vomit. If you've left, be thankful and get on with the healing process. The grass is not greener for BPDs. Carry on and be strong folks!   

[Pretty Woman]

Got Out,

   Ok, I'll play armchair shrink... .

So to clarify, this is YOUR replacement now calling you to bit_h about your ex?

I will tell you this... .

After this FINAL break up I talked to most of her exes. Most of them I already knew because they were her only friends, of course. The one before me is a prison psychologist. She works with freekin murderers.  When I met my ex she told me this woman was stalking her, a sex addict and she had a restraining order on her. Two weeks into our relationship they are on the phone together. Or when her phone would ring she would look at it and go, "Oh ____" and roll her eyes and not answer it.

The relationship was so fresh and I hadn't dated in awhile I had no idea that this was the same ______ she had a relationship with.

Eight months down the road I learn that when I came along this _____ was moving here! She sold her house and was moving here when my ex dumped her flat on her arse.

About a year later this lady found a partner and friended me on FB. Whe we broke this time I actually told ________ I was sorry for coming into the picture. I had no idea at the time that they were still together.

She said no apology ness. but that she appreciated it.

Now in my current case, if my replacement came to me for anything I would tell her to seriously go jump off a cliff. We were all friends and she knew the crap I had been through... .she knew I was cheated on and went for my ex anyways.

Karma. Ah Karma.

BUT if it were different I might entertain speaking with the replacement. I know my ex downplayed our relationship to look like my wounded little waify victim. If the replacement had no idea and was now finding out... .

Then again... .why warn them? Most of us have gone back to our BPD a-holes a couple of times. If you talk and then they get back together... .

You know on second thought... .stay out of it. Any contact even indirectly in this case is contact. You don't need this b-shiz.

[Pretty Woman]

I just re-read your post. Ok so this is the recycled ex? Yeah stay out of it. They've been through this more than once. They probably want clarification because they can't trust your lying, cheating ex.

With good reason.

This recycled ex is probably on this board or soon will be.

You have the upper hand in this. Take control my friend.

[zundertowz]

I would have simply said I want nothing to do with you or your GF do not contact me again bye.

[GotOut]

Thanks for the feedback.  It's not my problem, it's his.  He has to deal with it.  It's his prize for taking her back. Don't ruminate about your replacement. It's a matter of time before the love bombing ends and the awful, crazy and painful world of devaluation begins.

A friend of mine had an interesting take on this.  He believes my ex BPD put him up to it, telling him that I was the person who she needed to confide in and soothe her in her time of need. I don't know if I was painted dark black because I broke up with her, showed strength by going 100% no contact and sticking to it despite feeling terrible about it.  I was always able to take her down off the ledge when she had problems, which was all the time.  I can't believe I invested so much energy into an emotional black hole.  Anyway, my friend thinks it was a play to charm me back in while giving him an exit plan.  I dont know, but I wouldn't put it by a BPD to cook up something like this. 

[Pretty Woman]

Silence seriously is golden my friend