Drunken encounter

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My stbx just got back from his vacation with his gf. He said it was kinda awful. He called me and wanted to see me the night he got back. He was drunk when he showed up at my place. I shouldn't have let him in, but was curious. He told me he is really scared about his court date coming up. His lawyer can't guarantee that he will got off this time. Maybe 180 days in jail! He wants me to go to court because he is scared and confused. I told him to have gf go, but she doesn't know about it. He asked if he could move home and told me he was done womanizing- he said he could cut off the gf with ease. I didn't jump at it. Later he tells me she is so into him and that he is into her! He tried to have sex with me but I said no... .He spent the night then went off to work in the morning telling me he loves me- he also told me that he loved me earlier in the night! The next day I asked why he said all that? He said he lies when he's drunk... .Ugggh- I don't know what to believe, but the night gave me a reminder of what life was like with him- awful! I sent him an email saying not to ever come over drunk like that again and he can have her go to court... .He's mad now... .

[Herodias]

My stbx just got back from his vacation with his gf. He said it was kinda awful. He called me and wanted to see me the night he got back. He was drunk when he showed up at my place. I shouldn't have let him in, but was curious. He told me he is really scared about his court date coming up. His lawyer can't guarantee that he will got off this time. Maybe 180 days in jail! He wants me to go to court because he is scared and confused. I told him to have gf go, but she doesn't know about it. He asked if he could move home and told me he was done womanizing- he said he could cut off the gf with ease. I didn't jump at it. Later he tells me she is so into him and that he is into her! He tried to have sex with me but I said no... .He spent the night then went off to work in the morning telling me he loves me- he also told me that he loved me earlier in the night! The next day I asked why he said all that? He said he lies when he's drunk... .Ugggh- I don't know what to believe, but the night gave me a reminder of what life was like with him- awful! I sent him an email saying not to ever come over drunk like that again and he can have her go to court... .He's mad now... .

[once removed]

hey Herodias 

yikes. thats a roller coaster of a night, and im sure a powerful reminder of the dynamics of your relationship. im sorry to hear about it, his attitude afterward had to sting a bit  .

i think it was a good step to tell him not to come over drunk. you say hes mad that you wont go to court with him. i dont mean to be flippant, but let him be. its not your responsibility nor should it be. its understandable that hed be scared and confused, but he put himself there.

how are you feeling now?

[Herodias]

I'm being strong- just had a fall and have a back injury to deal with. He's trying to be really nice to me... .I'm not falling for it. I think he and the gf are having trouble- she posted something about when you love someone you don't let their eyes tear, their ears hear lies and don't wound their heart... .Boy is she in for it if she's already feeling that way. Anyway- it's all about taking care of me now. He only cares about himself... .

[once removed]

how are you going about taking care of yourself, Herodias?

[Herodias]

Going to church, going to alanon, exercising, working, talking to friends... .Plenty. Just trying to take my focus off of him... .

[once removed]

good for you! all really great things. over time this will be your regular life, and you can build even further. are you seeing a therapist?