Do people with BPD ever tire of the lies and distortion campaigns?

[deux soeurs]

As I have posted, I am recently coming to terms with horrible verbal and emotional abuse by my BPD sister.  She tormented me my entire childhood.  I am currently NC which has brought me great peace and serenity.  I do hear, through others at times, that she is still at it, playing the victim, black sheep, pity party, etc.  She is also still writing ridiculous half truths about me.  She is a fiction writer, she actually writes porn online and has had it published.  She is quite good with her stories and writing and sounds convincing.  At this point I really just roll my eyes and feel sorry for her.  She is mentally ill.  I just wonder if they ever get a life and get tired of all their self pity?  Doesn't it get old and exhausting?

[deux soeurs]

Anyone deal with this?

[rotiroti]

Never gets old for them unfortunately


They can't help it, like you said they're sick

Lack of insight + extremely powerful emotions = always feels like the victim


there are exceptions, especially when i read posts by pwBPD in remission.

[sparrowfarfrom home]

It is their oxygen... .

[Meadowslark]

Hey deux soeurs!  

I've blocked my sister in all capacities about 7-8 months ago so I don't know for certain if she's still keeping up with the lies and distortion. My guess though is that they'll only tire of it once their listeners dry up. From the sounds of it, your sister is all about the "online persona" - she may or may not have a gaggle of men and women who flock to her to listen to and/or lap up anything she has to say, true or not. My sister is the same way.

I call her group of supporters, "fangirls". My sister also pretends to be male online, and has posted pictures of men that do look like her, but are (obviously) not her. She's even traveled to meet some of them in person. (Why the shock of obviously not being male doesn't make them wake up is beyond me.)

BPD people seem to behave in ways that get them attention - positive or negative. If your sister's stories keep garnering sympathy and hand-pats ("Oh you poor thing! Those vile, horrible people!" then the stories will be being spun. Once your sister's fans/online friends move on, it's likely the campaign will stop. This is only a theory though.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's incredibly frustrating, isn't it?  

[rotiroti]

Hey deux soeurs!  

I've blocked my sister in all capacities about 7-8 months ago so I don't know for certain if she's still keeping up with the lies and distortion. My guess though is that they'll only tire of it once their listeners dry up. From the sounds of it, your sister is all about the "online persona" - she may or may not have a gaggle of men and women who flock to her to listen to and/or lap up anything she has to say, true or not. My sister is the same way.

I call her group of supporters, "fangirls". My sister also pretends to be male online, and has posted pictures of men that do look like her, but are (obviously) not her. She's even traveled to meet some of them in person. (Why the shock of obviously not being male doesn't make them wake up is beyond me.)

BPD people seem to behave in ways that get them attention - positive or negative. If your sister's stories keep garnering sympathy and hand-pats ("Oh you poor thing! Those vile, horrible people!" then the stories will be being spun. Once your sister's fans/online friends move on, it's likely the campaign will stop. This is only a theory though.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's incredibly frustrating, isn't it?  

Apologies for highjacking --

Did you have any repercussion from neutral family members when you went n/c? Like parents?

and is your name a reference to Fleet Foxes?

[Meadowslark]

Apologies for highjacking --

Did you have any repercussion from neutral family members when you went n/c? Like parents?

and is your name a reference to Fleet Foxes?

I don't really have any neutral family members. Our family is terribly disjointed and doesn't really communicate outside each nuclear group. Whether or not the rest of my family even knows my sister moved across the country suddenly is something I'm not aware of. Our father (my sister and I) is upset that I'm NC with my sister, but he's NPD and he can kiss my butt.  

And no, I don't even know what Fleet Foxes is. I asked to have my name changed in case my sister was stalking me (I stupidly used a name she's familiar with) and Meadowslark is what it got changed to. Sorry!

[LiveAgain]

What Neveragainthanks said. It's how they operate.

My mom is borderline, and I found myself miserable with a borderline friend last year, who (although no longer friends) taught me a lot about the mechanics of a borderline relationship.

Most important things to know about walking away are a) don't expect them to change, ever, b) don't engage, and c) if you must engage, then do it by not taking any of their bait. Your sister can say her crazy, projecting, character slamming crap. Your job is to leave it there hanging in the air for her to own. When you engage, or defend yourself, you take on what the borderline has unloaded and you end up carrying it around.

I've found this is the most effective way to deal. It exacerbates my mom's mood, of course. She goes from bad to worse because I'm not taking the bait, BUT, I'm able to walk away cleanly, without any of that ugliness she tries to unload on me. When I do this, I see the line clearly - that I am not responsible for her behavior. Who I end up seeing when I don't engage is a desperate, predatory person tirelessly looking for ways to unload on me. I also see the real me, not the me she's attempting to project.

Will she talk badly about me to my sister and her friends and all our family friends? Yes. However, when I refuse to defend myself against her character attacks, I gain solid ground. It's counter-intuitive, but I kid you not, it really works.

Borderlines are some of the saddest people I have ever met. They appear dynamic and magnetic on the outside, but their behavior has them bully those closest to them for attention, good or bad, in all the wrong places. It's a driver to their negatively provocative behavior.

Hope this helps.

[deux soeurs]

Borderlines are some of the saddest people I have ever met. They appear dynamic and magnetic on the outside, but their behavior has them bully those closest to them for attention, good or bad, in all the wrong places. It's a driver to their negatively provocative behavior.

Hope this helps.

Yes this totally makes sense.  I don't engage yet she continues because she has an audience on her conduct disorders website.  She keeps talking about me (so I am told) by folks that are there.  I don't visit anymore because she posts such ridiculous stuff.  I guess as long as folks like "cedar" believe her and share in their own pity party it will continue.  I know she is sick and i guess I will just continue to laugh and ignore my mentally ill sister.  Too bad she has no life, thanks for your perspective!  [/quote]

[HappyChappy]

I know she is sick and i guess I will just continue to laugh and ignore my mentally ill sister.  Too bad she has no life, thanks for your perspective! 

You mention your sister tormented you, was that to the extent of sibling rivalry syndrome ? I’m NC with my bro , and we suspect he has this because his “tormenting” got quiet dangerous. But NC cut that right down.

As for you sister’s slander – if she poos in the wood and no one notices, did she real poo ? Meaning, wouldn’t anyone that knows your porn writing sister, discount much of what she says, and just feel sorry for you instead ? So no flys on you – just her poo.

I can relate to your sorrow with your sister. It can leave you wishing you had a proper sister that gave support like sisters are supposed to. But the truth is a good friendship can give all that – who needs family. You've got us. 

[deux soeurs]

Liveagain, I just read your entire post again, and, I will read it again and again again.  My sister writes on a conduct disorders chatroom all about me.  I stopped reading her stuff over a month ago.  I only knew about the chat room because she told me about it, made fun of the posters, copied and pasted links that folks wrote, heartfelt problems about their kids, and the my sister shared the website with me.  I found some useful information there.  I have a job where I work with kids.  In the process of reading there, I saw stuff she wrote about our family, mostly me.  It was hard as she took things I shared with her in confidence, wrote about it, put her own personal spin on it and then always says how horrible I am.  She was writing half truths.  She also left out all the cr*p she has done to my mom, dad, uncle, grandma, everyone.  She also wrote the most awful stuff about her own biological child whom is 37 years olds.  She adopted a boy whom is also 37 and he has been NC with her for many years.  No one in our family talks to her except our dad.  Still it was hard to read her stories, truths mixed with lies, omitted facts, and all the horrible things she did.  I still know two people that read her stuff so once in a while I hear it second hand so I know she is still at it.  The good thing is most of the stuff is the same old same old and NO ONE OVER THERE RESPONDS TO HER LIES ABOUT ME!

HappyChappy it is only recently in therapy that I opened up and started talking about my sister's abuse of me as a child.  She is 7 years older and as a child I had no idea older sisters love and protect their younger sibs.  Now I know her behavior was plain, emotional abuse.  It never stopped.  Whenever she was around me she

teased me, called me names, stole my toys, made fun of me,anything to make me cry.  Sometimes she let me play with her and my brother, he followed her back then.  Those times she always sucked me in only to turn on me and I always fell for it.  I wanted to be included.  When I was in first grade, she stole my birthday present, a new camera, broke it and never replaced it or apologized.  We shared a room.  If I was having friends over she messed it up, brought food in our room, left it there, etc.  This went on until she got married at 19.  I was so excited!  She was out of the house.  Others have had it worse than I.  I think that is why I never explored why my sisters continual betrayals haunted me.  As a child, we want to be safe at home.  My parents had a bad marriage and were not there a lot for us.  I could not get anyone in my corner so I withdrew from the family and made friends at school.  I am grateful for that.  I am also grateful for this board where I can share my feelings and help in understanding BPD.  I do feel much peace and serenity now that I don't read my sisters trash writing.  I have a full life, family, awesome kids on the path to greatness... .friends and a fulfilling relationship!  Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas!