getting asked a question to try and make me think I am guilty of something?

[byfaith]

really weird the other day... .wife is on iPad she was looking at google maps didn't know what she was looking at? I walked into the other room and she asked me to come back to the bedroom. She asked "do you know where "such and such" street is? She asked it in a way that was strange like she was going to see if I was going to lie or something. I said "no but it sounds familiar" I said "why? should I know where it is?" She asked "so you are sure you don't know where it is?" I said "I am sure, maybe I have passed it and glanced at the sign" She said "OK" like she was still suspicious.

Then I finally asked where is it? she told me. It was nothing. It had nothing to do with me. It was a street she was looking at but it had nothing to do with me at all.  I said "what are you trying to do play head games with me?" I said "that is just weird you would try to make me think that you were being suspicious of me"

I just walked out of the room

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[an0ught]

byfaith,

certainly weird. Testing and head-games sometimes happen and take odd or very inappropriate forms. In material science there is non destructive testing and then there is destructive testing... .

I think it was only appropriate to call her out on it. 

[maxsterling]

I think this behavior is common for pwBPD.  I actually think a lot of my wife's behavior is intended to bait or manipulate me into doing or saying something so that she has proof I am responsible and not her.  Asking me questions she knows the answer to, or asking me things that I obviously will not know are two ways of doing this.  I am not sure if it is conscious on her part.  For example, she may call me at an inconvenient time needing directions to some place.  Obviously, I have no idea.  There's no win for me here.  If I try and help, she gets frustrated when I don't know.  If I say I don't know, then she questions why I don't know. 

It sounds to me like this is what is going on in your situation, like she was trying to get you to say something so that you confirm some kind of preconceived notion she had about you.  What on that street was she looking for?  A friends house?  A business?  Or maybe she suspected you of visiting something on that street and she was testing to see if you knew where it was. 

[byfaith]

We had some additional conversation about that this morning. She admitted she was trying to make me feel that way. She wanted to see if I was telling the truth. When she knew I was telling the truth she said she was fine. She said there was still an underlying reason for asking but she will not tell me.

We did have some good conversation this morning though. It was refreshing and nice. I may post later on that, if I get time. I can only post things while I am at work. So I do it on my breaks.

[formflier]

 

There is suspicion  and then there is paranoia.

Paranoia is really... .really ... tough to get rid of.

And... you guessed it... .paranoia seems to be my wife's core issue. 

Man... .did I "do it" wrong for so many years... .made things worse.

What worked for me... .and has mostly got rid of those questions... .is to "slow things down".

her:  Do you know where that street is?

me:  I'll have to think about it for a while... .would you like a glass of water... I'm getting one...

her:  I bet you have been there before

me:  perhaps I have... would you like lemon in your water

her:  what were you doing over there...

me:  I usually like two slices of lemon in my water... .

her:  I know what you have done... .

me:  "ahhh... .that's cool water... ."

basically from this point on... .I don't acknowledge the line of question... .zero information... .nada... zip... .zilch.

If it gets abusive... .loud... .just leave.

Now... this worked for me... it still comes up occasionally. 

My theory on saying perhaps... .is that I'm not confirming... or denying... I'm leaving the full weight of doubt on her... .it's up to her to solve that...   Sometimes she does that in interesting ways... .

when it gets interesting... .stay out of frag pattern as best you can...

Luckily... .most of her stuff was so absurd... .it was easy to not take it personally... .once I understood that concept.

Secret daughter, secret wedding conducted in our barn (right under her nose), secret rental home that I hid from her

Life sure was entertaining back then... .   

FF