My sister had BPD and I told my mom that it bothers me.

[Delilah123]

I will try to keep this as short as I can!

I'm 20 and my older sister has borderline. She was diagnosed many years ago but everyone in my family is in denial of it including her.

I recently went away to college and many nights this past year night were spent in bed crying and or having anxiety attacks. I didn't know why. Eventually I was having suicidal thoughts and I got myself therapy because I know how precious life is and I wanted to fight it.

In therapy I ended up discovering that a lot of my deep troubles and problems have to do with things that happened in my household. The fighting, the yelling, the crying, the raging, the blaming, the belittling. I felt like it was all my fault.

I recently came home and tried to talk to my mom about this and she freaked out. She started hyperventilating and kept screaming over and over "IM AN IDIOT I MUST BE STUPID, WHAT CAN I DO? I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

she was hysterical crying and it scared me. My mom also had a sister with borderline. And I can't help but feel like she's had to deal with it for so long that she doesn't understand that the manipulating and the yelling done by my sister can hurt me.

I am in a much better place after reading "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" by Randi Kreger, and I am going back to therapy soon. I am so thankful that this website exists; I just needed to tell someone how terrible I feel about making my mom cry like that.

Does anyone have any similar experiences? Advice?

Thanks <3

[Kwamina]

Hi Delilah123

Thanks for introducing yourself!

Your sister was diagnosed many years ago. What would you say are her most problematic or disturbing behaviors? Has she as far as you know ever gotten any targeted treatment or therapy for her BPD?

It's unfortunate though she's in denial of her diagnosis. The rest of your family is too you say, why do you think that is? Do you feel they don't agree with the diagnosis or more that they want to pretend it isn't so?

I recently went away to college and many nights this past year night were spent in bed crying and or having anxiety attacks. I didn't know why. Eventually I was having suicidal thoughts and I got myself therapy because I know how precious life is and I wanted to fight it.

In therapy I ended up discovering that a lot of my deep troubles and problems have to do with things that happened in my household. The fighting, the yelling, the crying, the raging, the blaming, the belittling. I felt like it was all my fault.

I am very sorry that you've had so many struggles. It is the sad reality for many of us that as a result of our problematic childhood, we end up with some issues of our own. It is very positive though that you got help in the form of therapy. Are those suicidal thoughts a thing of the past now?

I just needed to tell someone how terrible I feel about making my mom cry like that.

It's clear that the stress of dealing with BPD family-members has also taken its toll on your mother. I understand why seeing your mother like this would also make you upset. I do want to say though that you aren't responsible for the way she feels or how she reacts to you.

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily

[beatup]

Hi Delilah,

I am sorry about your sis. I have Bpd sis too & I know how trying it can be. Maybe you can offer the book by Randi to your Mom?

I hope you are doing better... .take care

[.cup.car]

Hmmm, guess I'll drop my own personal experiences in here to help the other people who find this thread.

It's unrelated but still on topic - One of my older cousins (27) has been described by local police as a habitual criminal, constantly getting arrested for petty theft and/or possession of stuff beyond marijuana. He's been constantly getting into trouble since middle school; everything someone could possibly get arrested for, he's done it. Assaults, Break & Enters, Car Thefts, Damaging Property... .You can go down the alphabet and find a story to go along with it that he's been charged or sent to court for.

My aunt goes on monthly crusades to try and convince the family that he's found God or turned over a new leaf, and nobody buys it anymore. It's her full time job to spread the gospel of her oldest child, meanwhile everyone has him on Facebook and it's clear he's been a crackhead for several years.

The lengths she'll go to and the stories she'll make up to make it seem like he's not a waste of skin... .It's comical. Some adults can't handle serious situations any better than children can, so they resort to dealing with the problem in a very child-like way. Only recently have my younger cousins figured out the real reasons they haven't seen their older brother in a few years, and why he lives in a different province.

Relating to BPD, when my ex (20) was still trying to start drama long after we'd broken up and it was escalating to stalking, I hit up her younger sister (18) in an effort to get it to stop. I received something very similar to what you've written in your first post. Their whole family was aware of what was going on with her and that she indeed had serious problems, but when it came to dealing with it, "we don't know what to do, we've tried everything, the ball is in her court!" - or something to that effect.

The sad reality is, some adults are no more competent than children when it comes to dealing with serious issues. That's why it gets downplayed by your folks.